“Let us also not forget that right now I have the strongest mind in the community, a mind I’m not at all reluctant to use. With that in view we might want to watch what we say to me, just to be certain we don’t find out firsthand exactly how much getting smacked can hurt.”
“My, my, aren’t we touchy this morning,” Ashton observed with only a little of her grin gone, watching as I sat down not far from her. “I can empathize with the position you’re in, but you really do have to remember how long my little sister has been waiting to get you back. No one is going to be able to stop her from treating you like a backward infant for a while, but it won’t be forever so you might as well just relax and enjoy it. Once she gets used to having you around she’ll be handing you chores the way she does with the other women in the household, so you’ll be best off making the lazy time last as long as possible.”
“I’m afraid I won’t be around long enough for either familiarity or chores,” I said, sipping at my kimla while staring out the nearest open terrace door at a very pleasant private garden. “I intend being part of the attack force and afterward will spend some time trying to help the rest of you get past the plateau you’re stopped at, but after that I’m leaving. I really do prefer more civilized surroundings, and with our war won I’ll be able to go back to them.”
I was able to enjoy the sight of pretty flowers in golden sunshine for a minute or so in silence, but I’d already learned that where Ashton is concerned, silence doesn’t have much of a life span.
“There’s more than simple fussing wrong between you and Irin,” she stated, all amusement gone out of her voice. “I would have detected it, sooner, but I didn’t want to- Terry, you can’t seriously mean that you want to leave all this, that you’d rather live with people who haven’t the faintest idea what it is to share themselves with others? I’ve lived that life so I know what it’s like, how narrow and individual and unsatisfying it is! You know you’re one of us and that you belong with us, so how can you talk about leaving?”
“I open my mouth and move my tongue, that’s how I can talk about it,” I said, still looking at the garden. “If I want to live somewhere other than here that’s my business, and I don’t need anyone’s permission to do it. If I get tired of the civilized life among the unawakened I can always visit Vediaster for a while, but I don’t have to stay locked up here.”
“Locked up,” she echoed, her mind disturbed and seriously concerned. “And used together with ‘have to.’ I hate to imagine what went on to bring you to a point like that so soon after your being scared to death no one would accept you. I think it’s time your aunt Asha had a long talk with her sister and your mother, just to . . . ”
“Do me a favor and do your first talking to your brother,” I interrupted, again finding myself unsurprised that Ashton intended getting on with her own quota of meddling. “Since Murdock’s the one responsible for bringing me here, he can also be responsible for finding me some place quiet and private to stay. If he doesn’t manage to do it by sundown, he’ll find me camping in his entrance hall.”
“Murdock’s up to his ears right now arranging transports and coordinating the calling up of all our fighting forces, but I’ll see what I can do,” Ashton grudged, not happy about having to make the promise. “If it comes right down to it, you can always stay with me. All right, all right, stop trying to kill me with a stare. You’re not interested in sharing quarters with family, and that’s all there is to it. But what about that gorgeous hunk of a man you’ve been avoiding? If you need a- place to sleep, I’m sure he’d be more than happy to . . . ”
Since I was already up on my feet and walking away from her I managed to avoid the rest of her clever comment, and happily she knew better than to pursue it by coming after me. I had more interest in what the planning group was up to than in anything Ashton could find to say, and it wasn’t hard shifting my attention to them. Time went by while they argued, agreed, argued then agreed again, and some time during that period Tammad moved out of my range again. As soon as he did I called up my curtain, then went back to paying attention to what the planners were saying and doing.
I didn’t have much experience watching strategists at work, but if that group was what they were normally like, I was really impressed. The going had seemed somewhat slow to begin with, but after a little while they really began rolling. Problems were brought up and solved one after the other, and during that time I discovered Ashton wasn’t there just because she had nothing better to do with her time. After she answered the fifth or sixth question thrown at her it was possible to believe she had all the coordinating data there was, every bit of it filed carefully in her head. The first question shed been asked had had to be repeated before she was drawn out of distraction, but that was understandable. I’d given her something not terribly pleasant to think about, and that was obviously what shed been doing.
Garth had given me a smile when I’d first walked over to the group, but aside from that no one paid any attention to me unless they had a question about the complex. Perversely enough it felt good being that unpopular, and after a while I was able to simply listen without having to fight off thoughts of my own that were trying to distract me. A lot of kimla went down my throat during that time, and I was just thinking about refilling my cup when the strategists stirred and stretched and began talking about having a meal instead of how to get past enemy firepower. I thought briefly about joining them, decided against it when I found I still didn’t have much of an appetite, so I got to my feet to leave. Where I intended going I wasn’t quite sure, but when I turned to walk away I found Rissim directly in my path.
“I believe you were told, treda mine, that you were to remain at home this day so that you might be cared for,” he said, looking down at me the way Rimilian men do when they’re not very happy with you. “I returned to see how you fared, only to find that you had disobeyed and departed. I had hoped the time would be longer before you required guidance from he who fathered you, yet such is not to be. You will return home with me now, and for a short while we will talk.”
He stood like a broad, tanned, immovable object, arms folded across his chest, light eyes pinning me where I stood. I had no idea how he’d found me-unless he’d been extremely clever about it and had asked the people in the shops around his house if they’d seen me—but I did know I wasn’t going with him. I’d had more than enough “help” for one day, and “talk” was the next item on the same list.
“Rissim, I appreciate your concern, but I’m not going back,” I said gently, trying not to hurt and disappoint him any more than I absolutely had to. “I came here to find out how soon we’ll be attacking, because not long after we’ve won I’ll be leaving Rimilia. I-miss my house and friends on Central, and after being away for so long I really need to go back. It has nothing to do with you and Irin, it’s just a case of homesickness, so . . . ”
“So we need only step aside and allow you to return to the solitude and loneliness which have ever been yours,” he said, giving me no chance to finish the finesounding excuse Iii been weaving. “To believe that your mother and I would abandon you again is great foolishness, wenda, for such a thing will not be. And should you truly wish to be allowed to join in the attack you must practice obedience, for unless you have returned to adequate health you will merely watch others engaged in the effort. Come now, and we will see to your feeding before you sleep for a time.”
“I said, I’m not going with you,” I repeated with less gentleness, trying to keep from getting too annoyed. “I don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything, and I’ll eat and sleep when I want to eat and sleep. If you people don’t have enough to keep you busy with running your own lives, find someone else to take over and direct. I’ve had enough of being told what to do to last me till I’m old and gray.”