“He has already taught me my place.” I answered, beginning to feel the anger that had been building so long. “Beside him when he has need of me, beneath him when he desires me, behind him when he tires of me. I shall now find my own place.”
“Which will be where?” she asked, a bit nervously “There are no others.”
“Then I shall create a place.” I said, starting to think about it. “It cannot be impossible for one of determination. I shall consider it.”
I sank down onto the furs, then stretched out comfortably. There had to be a way out of the rut of wenda, and if I didn’t look for it, I deserved whatever I got. I couldn’t very well complain about how he treated me if I let him get away with it without a murmur.
Gilor stood where she was for another minute, then turned silently and went out. I tossed some ideas around until she came back with the clean clothing, then asked about a drink of water. The barbarian had gotten a drink with his meal, but I hadn’t. The request resulted in a pitcher and goblet being brought in, so I decided to see how far things could go.
“Gilor, I would also like a bath.” I announced. “Is there a place for bathing here?”
“We bathe in the river,” she answered, “but the sun is nearly gone. Best you wait for the new sun.”
“I have little care for waiting,” I insisted. “Surely something may be done?”
“I know not what.” She shrugged. “There has been no provision made for such things. Do you now change to the new imad and caldin, so that.. .”
“I shall not.” I interrupted with determination. “I shall not wear clean clothing if I may not bathe.”
“The word was not mine.” She shrugged again. “The denday will not be pleased.”
“I care little for his pleasure.” I shrugged too. “You may tell him if you wish.”
“I shall,” she said, giving me a calculating stare. “If you wish his attention in such a manner, so be it. I would not care for attention of that sort.”
She turned and went out, and I leaned back in the furs. I wasn’t very eager for the sort of attention Gilor was talking about, but it had to be risked if things were going to change. The barbarian might never see me as a woman, but I’d force him to see me as something other than a tool.
It didn’t take very long before the door opened again, but this time it was my nemesis himself, filling the doorway as he came through it. My insides twinged when I saw the switch he carried, but I tried not to let it ruffle my calm.
As he came toward me I said, “What made you change your plans?”
He broke stride and frowned. “My plans have not changed,” he said. “They are as they were.”
“Not if you use that on me, they’re not.” I countered, nodding toward the switch. “I can’t control myself well enough after a beating.”
He thought about it in annoyance for a minute, but as far as he knew, I was telling the truth. I’d been too far off-balance to use pain control when I should have, but I was beginning to pull myself together again.
“There is perhaps enough time for a light switching,” he mused, studying me as I lay in the furs. I wanted to be so many things to him, wanted so much to have everything I couldn’t have. Beat the Prime and use her in the furs, force her to do her job and then return her with indecent haste. He couldn’t see me in his world, but at least he would know I was there.
“Could be.” I agreed evenly. “I know by now that I can’t stop you, but it might not be the best of ideas. I won’t go back on my word to help you, but there are other things I can do to make my presence even more unpleasant than it has been. I’ve been conditioned against doing most of those things, but I think I can break through it now. Would you like me to try?”
“What things do you speak of?” he asked curiously and it was interesting to see that his curiosity was genuine. He really did want to know more about my “power.”
“Well, I can project to men just as I do to animals.” I said slowly “You’ve felt nothing but general or accidental projections, and those not even at full strength. Try this.” I put together a clear picture of my emotions during the last switching, the pain, the shame, the frustration of not being able to stop it, and imposed the picture on his mind. There was a great deal of resistance in my own mind during the process, but I worked in spite of it. His face flushed red when he had the picture, and his free hand went back behind him as he literally felt everything I had felt.
“Pain is an emotion too, you see.” I explained as I felt him clamp down to ease what he was experiencing. “As an emotion, I can project it any time I wish, and in future I shall, but not only to you. If I’m given pain, everyone within my radius will feel it. I’ll leave it to you to make the explanations.”
“I now understand your point,” he said in a choked voice. “Truly wenda, you have learned the lesson well. Right lies in the ability to do, and you have proven your right. What is it you wish?”
“Merely a bath.” I answered. “Then I’ll be glad to change my clothes.”
“You shall have it,” he said coldly, then turned and walked out. As soon as the door closed, I gave in to the exhaustion that had been trying to claim me and lay without moving. Projecting a specific picture to humans is extremely draining, and my top range was about twenty-five feet, but that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that the barbarian believed me, and he did. My place was beginning to change.
It took a while to restore myself, but by the time I did, my bath was ready. Water had been heated in the kitchen, and a large wooden tub had been brought in, but I had no intention of being too choosy. I bathed in the kitchen with a good deal of contentment, barely noticing the giggles of the three girls. What I did notice was that Rapan was no longer with them.
By the time I was dressed in clean clothes and had my hair brushed, it was full night outside and the torches had been lit. Drying around the five bands had been extremely annoying, and my success with the switching episode tempted me to see what could be done about those chains. I’d have to give it some thought, but the next day would be soon enough.
I was just coming in from checking on my seetar when I met Gilor in the entrance hall. She smiled briefly and said, “Tammad would have you join him in the meeting hall. You may take a plate to him at the same time.”
I almost protested the idea of serving him, but then realized I might need an excuse to be where he was. I followed her to the kitchen to collect a big platter of meat chunks, then went back through the curtain to the large room, which was now torchlit and no longer empty. At least forty men lay about on the pillows, each holding a goblet, some few helping themselves from the platters the three young girls were passing around. The strong, blond l’lendaa laughed and spoke with each other, and in the midst of them sat a relaxed Tammad.
I made my way among the men on the floor, trying to be casual but having a hard time of it. The men I passed followed me with their eyes, their appreciation vocal as well as emotional, more than a few of them snatching at the hem of my caldin. It came to me then to wonder what would become of me if the barbarian were somehow killed. Those men were nearly the same size as their denday, and it struck me hard that the only thing that kept their hands off me was the fact I wore bands. Unbanded, I could have been taken by any or all of them, and the nearest peacemen would be too far away to do any good. I hurried a little, and got to the barbarian as soon as I could.
Tammad looked up as I reached him with the platter, and he gestured toward the low table near him.
“Do you set it there, wenda,” he directed with a faint grin. I looked in his eyes, and suddenly knew that he’d guessed my thoughts about his men. I put the plate down, feeling that I’d lost more ground than I’d gained, and he pulled me to the floor near him. “You must have a care how you deal with me,” he murmured in my ear. “Should I be unable to defend my right to you, you would pass to another who has not given his word to return you to your people. Your power would then be of little aid to you, as possession of an offworlder wenda would be jealously fought for. Think on it.”