Bob: “So, no depression.”
Me: “Nothing clinical. Have I ever been depressed? If you take that to mean sad, then I have certainly been sad in my life, as we all have. There have been many sad times in my life. That doesn’t mean I ever needed medication or counseling.”
Bob: “What have been the most depressing times of your life?”
Me: (Glancing at Marilyn.) “Hmmm. Being forced out of the Army was depressing. I had already decided to go career at that point, and instead I was thrown out and a cripple to boot. It seemed that way, anyway. A few years later, when we had a madman stalking Marilyn, and it turned out to be my brother, and I had to shoot him — that was a very bad time, almost half a year.” (Marilyn reached over and took my hand in support, and gave it a good squeeze.) “I think the worst time we had was when we were in a terrible car wreck a few years later. Marilyn was pregnant and almost died, and we lost the baby, and she couldn’t have any more children. That was very bad, for both of us. I had been driving and I blamed myself for a long time, but it wasn’t really my fault, it was just bad weather and icy roads, an accident.” (Looking at Marilyn.) “Were those the worst times? For you?”
Marilyn: “Mostly. I wasn’t too worried when you left the Army. I knew you’d bounce back. When your brother was stalking me, I wasn’t so much depressed as I was scared. The worst was definitely when we lost the baby.”
Bob: “How did you get through that? That sounds pretty much like depression to me.”
Me: (Shaking my head.) “We get through our problems like most everybody else does. We had each other, and we had friends. Just because you’re sad, it doesn’t mean you need to take a pill. We had each other. No matter what happens, we have each other.” (I brought my wife’s hand up to my lips and kissed the back of it.)
Holly and Molly were brought back and took their places. I think hearing about some of this was a little sobering to them. Then things got a little screwy. He decided to have some fun with the girls.
Bob: (To the twins.) “Who’s the better cook, Mom or Dad?”
Holly: “Oh, Dad, for sure!”
Molly: “Yeah, he’s great!” (Marilyn was looking rather peeved at this.)
Me: “Might I remind the pair of you that Christmas is only a few weeks away, and that your mother is in charge of presents.”
Holly: (Looking at Molly suddenly.) “Uh, actually, Mom is much better as a cook!”
Molly: “Yeah, Dad is awful!”
Marilyn: (She snorted at this and rolled her eyes.) “Give me a break!”
Me: (Crossing my arms.) “Might I also remind you two that while your mother is in charge of selecting presents, I am in charge of paying for them!”
Molly: “They’re about equal.” (Holly simply nodded.)
Me: “See? Who says you can’t get a bipartisan outcome in Washington!”
Bob: (Laughing.) “So which is tougher, dealing with twin teenage daughters or dealing with Congress?”
Me: “Two teenage daughters or 535 Congressmen and Senators… hmmmm… Let me get back to you on that.” (More laughter.)
Marilyn snorted some more and wagged her finger at me and the twins. Then Schieffer switched subjects.
Bob: (To the twins.) “Have your parents ever told you how they met? I’ve heard a lot of different stories.”
Holly: (Her face lighting up and grinning.) “No! What’d you hear!?”
Molly: “This ought to be good.” (Marilyn and I were looking at each other, perplexed.)
Bob: “I’ve heard several different things. They met at a bar. They met at a party. There was a duel, a bar fight. Your father won your mother in a drinking game. What’s the real story?”
Molly: “A duel!?”
Holly: “This we have to hear!”
I started laughing and buried my face in my hands while Marilyn protested her innocence. After a moment, I looked up and just shook my head.
Me: “Dare we tell them the truth? Do you think they are old enough to hear what really happened, all the sordid details?”
Marilyn: “You can behave!”
Me: “Okay, here’s what really happened, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God!” (My wife groaned at that point.) “We met in January or February at a party at my frat house at Rensselaer.”
Bob: “What kind of a fraternity was it?”
Me: (Grinning.) “Have you ever seen Animal House?”
Bob: “Yes.”
Me: “We could have given them lessons.”
Marilyn: “That’s not something to be proud of!” (Wagging a finger at me.)
Me: (Shrugging) “So, anyway, I was one of the bartenders…”
Holly: “You were a bartender?! Cool!”
Me: (Looking at Bob.) “I’m the President of the United States, and they think the cool thing is that I used to sling beer in a frat house! Good grief!” (Back to the girls.) “Anyway, it was the first party of the spring semester, I remember that much, and your mother came to the party and came up to me and I served her some punch. Then I asked her to dance.”
Molly: “What was in the punch?”
Marilyn: “Never you two mind!”
Me: (Snorting in laughter.) “Punch. Leave it at that. Anyway, later on, one of the other guys at the party started hitting on your mom, and she wanted to stick with me. He was getting pretty nutty, and I didn’t want a fight, so I got him to challenge me to a duel.”
Bob: “So there really was a duel?”
Me: “Sort of. I wasn’t going to fight the guy, so after he challenged me, I got to choose the weapons, and I chose flaming shots.”
Marilyn: (Groaning.) “That was one of the stupidest things I have ever seen you do!”
Bob: (Laughing.) “What is a flaming shot?”
Me: (Looking at the camera.) “Kids, do not do this at home. This is for professionals only.” (Back to Bob.) “I am going to get in so much trouble over this. Okay. I set up a pair of shot glasses, filled them to the brink with Southern Comfort, and set them on fire. First guy to down his wins. He chickened out, I drank both, and I won the girl. End of story. We’ve been together ever since.”
Holly: “This is so cool!”
Bob: (Laughing, to Marilyn.) “Is that true? Is that how it happened?”
Marilyn: “Yes, I am ashamed to say, that is precisely how it happened. I am simply going to say that I was young and naïve at the time.”
Me: “You were impressed, admit it!”
Marilyn: (Smiling.) “Never!”
On the other side of the cameras I could see Ari and Frank laughing. Great! This was going to be all over the White House long before Sunday. Then it got worse!
Bob: “What was it about the First Lady that attracted you to her?”
Me: “Well, the obvious thing to start out with, she was pretty hot…” (I held my hands up to protect myself from her.) “You still are, so don’t hit me!” (Back to Bob.) “That only goes so far, though. After I got to talking to her, I found that inside is simply a good person, with a good heart, and that’s what I found truly attractive. It didn’t take me long, not long at all, to realize there was a piece missing inside of me, a hole in my soul, that I didn’t even know about, and that Marilyn had that piece of me.”
Holly: (To Molly.) “I think I’m going to be sick.”
Marilyn: “You two can shush!”
Bob: “What about you, Mrs. Buckman? What was it that attracted you to the President?”
Marilyn: “Well he wasn’t the President then! Carl was… it’s hard to put into words. He was a big guy, much bigger than me, and almost sort of cute…”
Me: “Almost sort of cute?!”
Marilyn: “Behave. You’ve said yourself you have a face made for radio! Anyway, Carl had more a sense of power and presence, a sense of confidence. Probably the thing I remember most about him was how he made me feel safe, how nothing could ever get to me without having to go through him. Long before he ever told me that he loved me, he told me he would protect me. It doesn’t sound romantic, but it was.”