"I don't think there's any doubt that Aunt Josephine wrote on both these pieces of paper," Mr. Poe said.
"But-" Violet began.
"There are no buts about it," Mr. Poe said. "Look at the curvy Vs. Look at the squiggly C's. Look at the oval dots over the I's. I'm no graphologist, but I can certainly tell that these were written by the same person."
"You're right," Klaus said miserably. "I know that Captain Sham is behind this somehow, but Aunt Josephine definitely wrote this note."
"And that," Mr. Poe said, "makes it a legal document."
"Does that mean we have to live with Captain Sham?" Violet asked, her heart sinking.
"I'm afraid so," Mr. Poe replied. "Someone's last will and testament is an official statement of the wishes of the deceased. You were placed in Aunt Josephine's care, so she had the right to assign you to a new caretaker before she leaped out the window. It is very shocking, certainly, but it is entirely legal."
"We won't go live with him," Klaus said fiercely. "He's the worst person on earth."
"He'll do something terrible, I know it,"
Violet said. "All he's after is the Baudelaire fortune."
"Gind!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something like "Please don't make us live with this evil man."
"I know you don't like this Captain Sham person," Mr. Poe said, "but there's not much I can do about it. I'm afraid the law says that that's where you'll go."
"We'll run away," Klaus said.
"You will do nothing of the kind," Mr. Poe said sternly. "Your parents entrusted me to see that you would be cared for properly. You want to honor your parents' wishes, don't you?"
"Well, yes," Violet said, "but-"
"Then please don't make a fuss," Mr. Poe said. "Think of what your poor mother and father would say if they knew you were threatening to run away from your guardian."
The Baudelaire parents, of course, would have been horrified to learn that their children were to be in the care of Captain Sham, but before the children could say this to Mr. Poe, he had moved on to other matters. "Now, I think the easiest thing to do would be to meet with Captain Sham and go over some details. Where is his business card? I'll phone him now."
"On the table, in the dining room," Klaus said glumly, and Mr. Poe left the kitchen to make the call. The Baudelaires looked at Aunt Josephine's shopping list and the suicide note.
"I just can't believe it," Violet said. "I was sure we were on the right track with the forgery idea."
"Me too," Klaus said. "Captain Sham has done something here-I know he has-but he's been even sneakier than usual."
"We'd better be smarter than usual, then," Violet replied, "because we've got to convince Mr. Poe before it's too late."
"Well, Mr. Poe said he had to go over some details," Klaus said. "Perhaps that will take a long time."
"I got ahold of Captain Sham," Mr. Poe said, coming back into the kitchen. "He was shocked to hear of Aunt Josephine's death but overjoyed at the prospect of raising you children. We're meeting him in a half hour for lunch at a restaurant in town, and after lunch we'll go over the details of your adoption. By tonight you should be staying in his house. I'm sure you're relieved that this can be sorted out so quickly."
Violet and Sunny stared at Mr. Poe, too dismayed to speak. Klaus was silent too, but he was staring hard at something else. He was staring at Aunt Josephine's note. His eyes were focused in concentration behind his glasses as he stared and stared at it, without blinking. Mr. Poe took his white handkerchief out of his pocket and coughed into it at great length and with great gusto, a word which here means "in a way which produced a great deal of phlegm." But none of the Baudelaires said a word.
"Well," Mr. Poe said finally, "I will call for a taxicab. There's no use walking down that enormous hill. You children comb your hair and put your coats on. It's very windy out and it's getting cold. I think a storm might be approaching."
Mr. Poe left to make his phone call, and the Baudelaires trudged to their room. Rather than comb their hair, however, Sunny and Violet immediately turned to Klaus. "What?" Violet asked him.
"What what?" Klaus answered.
"Don't give me that what what," Violet answered. "You've figured something out, that's what what. I know you have. You were rereading Aunt Josephine's note for the umpteenth time, but you had an expression as if you had just figured something out. Now, what is it?"
"I'm not sure," Klaus said, looking over the note one more time. "I might have begun figuring something out. Something that could help us. But I need more time."
"But we don't have any time!" Violet cried.
"We're going to have lunch with Captain Sham right now!"
"Then we're going to have to make some more time, somehow," Klaus said determinedly.
"Come on, children!" Mr. Poe called from the hallway. "The cab will be here any minute! Get your coats and let's go!"
Violet sighed, but went to the closet and took out all three Baudelaire coats. She handed Klaus his coat, and buttoned Sunny into her coat as she talked to her brother. "How can we make more time?" Violet asked.
"You're the inventor," Klaus answered, buttoning his coat.
"But you can't invent things like time," Violet said. "You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window washers. But you can't invent more time.'' Violet was so certain she couldn't invent more time that she didn't even put her hair up in a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes. She merely gave Klaus a look of frustration and confusion, and started to put on her coat. But as she did up the buttons she realized she didn't even need to put her hair up in a ribbon, because the answer was right there with her.
CHAPTER Seven
"Hello, I'm Larry, your waiter," said Larry, the Baudelaire orphans' waiter. He was a short, skinny man in a goofy clown costume with a name tag pinned to his chest that read larry. "Welcome to the Anxious Clown restaurant- where everybody has a good time, whether they like it or not. I can see we have a whole family lunching together today, so allow me to recommend the Extra Fun Special Family Appetizer. It's a bunch of things fried up together and served with a sauce."
"What a wonderful idea," Captain Sham said, smiling in a way that showed all of his yellow teeth. "An Extra Fun Special Family Appetizer for an extra fun special family-mine''
"I'll just have water, thank you," Violet said.
"Same with me," Klaus said. "And a glass of ice cubes for my baby sister, please."
"I'll have a cup of coffee with nondairy creamer," Mr. Poe said.
"Oh, no, Mr. Poe," Captain Sham said. "Let's share a nice big bottle of red wine."