In the end, of course, he accompanied her down and broke the backdoor window with his elbow. Then they reached in and turned the key from inside. The open, half-empty cupboards and half-full drawers bore witness to a hasty departure. The judge either had not been a drinker or had taken the remaining alcohol with him. However, they found unbelievable riches in the icebox and the pantry: a hunk of Swiss Emmenthal, a slab of bacon, sardines, and nuts. Behind the teapot they finally discovered a bottle of English rum and two packs of American cigarettes. Buback shook his head. What a mockery of their insistence that all right-thinking Germans should hate the products of enemy civilizations!
They made themselves some grog with the rum and hot water, and their tension slackened; after the second glass they were pleasantly relaxed.
“Love,” she said, returning to her theme, “how long do you intend to stay here on this Titanic? Everyone’s already in the lifeboats.”
“Not everyone. A couple of people think once you’ve made your bed you should lie in it.”
“What bed did you make,” she flared at him. “You hunted criminals and murderers.”
“Wasn’t it you who pointed out that I let the biggest ones go unpunished? You were right; I even applauded them! Just last year I ruined my last visit with Hilde in an argument where I took the Führer’s side against her.”
She grinned bitterly.
“I’m a fine one to lecture you. I fought my battles in the bedroom. Buback, how could an entire nation fall so far so fast?”
“An epidemic of obedience. The greatest scourge of mankind. A couple of people think up a recipe for a happy future and shout it so loud and long that all the lost souls take up the cause. The careerists follow. And suddenly they’re a force that no longer clamors and offers; instead they demand and direct. Disobedience is punished, obedience rewarded: An easy choice for the average person.”
“And then comes the bill.”
“Yes. And once again it’s time to pay.”
“But haven’t the two of us paid enough, love? Don’t we have the right to get off the boat? Except it’s harder for you than for me, I guess; the military police are waiting for you.”
“That’s not the issue___What bothers me more is that suddenly I
don’t know what honor is and what’s disgrace.”
“Can we stop the riddles? I’m not in the mood just now.”
“Schörner intends to turn Prague into a fortress.”
“Then it’s high time to turn tail like the jackass downstairs. We both know what happens to fortresses. And you were assigned here; why can’t you go back?”
“To where?”
“For God’s sake,” she snapped, “couldn’t you think of something and arrange it?”
“Grete, you’ve had this German guilt far longer and harder than I have. Maybe I can mitigate it.”
“You!”
“I was born in Prague. And it’s the last city in central Europe whose beauty is still intact.”
“And you’re going to save it!”
“Calm down! Listen to me. I’m working with the Czechs, after all. I could warn them in time.”
She stopped short. Her aggressiveness ceased; the thought intrigued her.
“So do it.”
It’s not real till you say it, he chanted to himself for the last time, but now there was no way out.
“No matter what language you speak, that’s called treason, Grete.”
“Aha… and who are you betraying?”
“Well…”
Now he stopped short.
“Your homeland, maybe,” she snapped. “That lunatic and his henchmen betrayed it a long time ago. Their secret weapon was a con game for the softheaded from day one, and you’ll excuse me, but they’ve made a fuckup of the war — how long do you intend to keep this up, Buback?”
He felt awkward, but couldn’t not say it.
“I took an oath.”
“Loyalty to Führer and the Reich, right? But he’s stone dead and the Reich’s practically fallen apart. Anything else you’d like to die for? Or anyone? Maybe you’d care to show your devotion to the Nibelun-gen, to have the honor of falling in battle for Schörner and Meckerle? Now that’s what I call a disgrace! Disgrace? Try stupidity!”
She poured herself a nearly full glass of rum and topped it off with boiling water.
“If you think you can prevent those sons of bitches from destroying this city too, then you should tell this Morava of yours what you know; you made him out to be a decent person, and he looks it, but there’s got to be some give-and-take!”
He did not understand. She bristled again.
“Do you need me to point out the obvious? We’re in a lion’s den. All Prague knows this is the German quarter, and believe me, the lions will come — excuse me, did I say lions? More like hyenas! — as soon as they sense Germany is flat on its back. And for them you’re Gestapo and I’m a Kraut whore; there’ll be no mercy for us. My love, why leave me hanging here? Do you want me to end up like those widows?”
He was shocked by the thought.
“Why would you—?”
“The murderers’ holiday is already starting, love. They’re flying in, converging on the feast like bugs on a lamp; the killing is never better than when your nation has its moment in the spotlight, and Germany is proof of it.” Then she spoke calmly and practically, as he’d never heard her before.
“I’m a silly woman and can’t understand how a man of your position can and should act in this situation. But I’m depending on you to find a way to save us both in time. At the very least your Czechs owe me something.”
As if reading his furtive thought, she continued.
“It was fate’s doing, not mine, that she died; her death isn’t on my conscience, nor should it be on yours. Good night.”
She suddenly rose and headed for the bathroom.
“I want to hold you,” he said.
“Not today. Your weakness is catching. I need your strength, so I’ll have to hold off. I’d rather go home, but he might be there, so let me stay, but pretend I’m not here.”
He bounced up so quickly that he was able to block her way.
“Grete! Everyone has the right to weak moments. And that’s what the other person is—”
“Don’t count on it,” she said brusquely. “I have to be strong when I’m alone. When we’re together, it’s your job. That’s why I love you.”
Get up, Jan!” Jitka said. “Enough sleep; time to go to work.” He could sense the touch of her face, which had moved next to his, but he did not want to open his eyes; those morning visits with her in the unknown reaches of sleep were now the most important moments of his life. He had no idea how he could have ever woken up alone and spent whole days without knowing they would fall asleep that night together. “Jan,” Jitka called again, “time to get up, beloved; today’s a big day for you!” He pretended he was sound asleep, so she would use her tender wiles, brushing lips against lips and blowing on his closed eyelids. Instead, she said despairingly, “Jan, enough already; go find that monster — he did kill me, you know!”
He blinked. On the night table was a daily calendar, frozen in time at February 14. The woman he had escorted home and stayed with ever since was dead, and he was hugging his mother’s old featherbed in his dormitory room near Number Four. He stood up, so as to be entirely awake before hopelessness hit, did a couple of stretches, and let the cold shower pound into him. By the time he had finished brewing his mother’s rose-hip tea, his defensive armor had closed around him again, impervious to thoughts of the body in the dark icebox.
He was in her service and had to fulfill the task she had set him; then he’d see what happened.