“Then if you will both excuse me, I will go and check Tobias’s medical file and see if he is prone to rabies.” My voice wobbled, but it didn’t matter. Mother and son were deep in reminiscences.
As I closed the door behind me, I heard Magdalene say, “She seems a decent enough sort of girl, son. I suppose you might have done rather worse these days. She could even be pretty if only she’d do something about her weight.”
I seethed all the way upstairs, flung open the bedroom door, and stared myself down in the full-length mirror. The scales kept saying I was losing weight but I didn’t believe them. They were a popular brand. Could they be both popular and truthful? Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fattest of them all? Surprisingly my blouse and skirt still fit, but I had bought them big so I could wallow around inside and feel extra virtuous. Time to cut back on calories.
Flopped out on the bed, I contemplated telephoning Dorcas and begging her to get herself and Jonas on a plane. Oh, to hear her dear voice saying something wonderfully bracing like, Men will be goats, now and then. But I didn’t want Dorcas unhappy, which she would be if she guessed my fear. Was it over-that lovely early glow of our marriage? The cherished belief in Happy Ever After? I had been so sure that marriage was like a diet-you worked at it following the rules of diligence, perseverance, and restraint-it worked.
Ben came into the bedroom about five minutes later. I was back in front of the mirror, head tilted to one side, hair falling over my shoulders. I jumped as his lips brushed my neck. The maroon velvet curtains cast shadows on the reflection of our faces.
“Ellie, isn’t it wonderful having Mum here, safe and sound?”
“Wonderful.” It was incredible; he was oblivious to my misery, my sense of deep betrayal over Mr. Angelica Brady. He was rubbing my shoulder with one hand, the other dangling by his side. I focused on the need for Dr. Melrose to examine the inflamed finger, so my voice didn’t jump around too much when I spoke.
“I am sure your motives were pure in regard to the beautiful Angelica. You probably thought I would leap to all sorts of silly conclusions and wished to spare me.”
“That’s right.” His fingers tightened, his eyes met mine in the mirror. “I don’t think you have fully recovered from your Vanessa fixation. Simply because I once concurred with your statement that she was beautiful, you decided I wanted to marry her. Living in Vanessa’s shadow, Ellie, has led you to feel threatened by any attractive woman, especially where I am concerned.”
How despicably arrogant! How despicably true! My eyes swerved away from his.
“All right, I did care for Angie very much at one time, and I enjoyed seeing her today, professionally and otherwise, but I didn’t feel the least twinge of regret for what might have been.”
Whoopee! Had she grown taller than he since last they met?
“Ellie, I didn’t tell you about her earlier because I felt you already had enough on your plate-this business with Mum and Poppa, Dorcas and Jonas leaving, and”-he pulled me back against him-“your weight.”
“We’ll have to see about a medal for chivalry.” I ducked under his arm and grabbed a pillow off the bed. “Am I correct in assuming you informed your mother that I was at one time enormous?”
Ben paced in front of the fireplace, head down. “Ellie, don’t drag Mum into this. She has already been subjected to enough. You and I have been heading for a confrontation. We’ve been sieving the lumps out of our relationship, trying to keep everything smooth and creamy, and I guess that can’t be done.” He stopped midstep. “I was wrong, not telling you about Angie, but I’m not exactly ecstatic about the way you conduct yourself with Rowland. Think I didn’t notice”-his voice went all cutesy-“the way you almost broke your arm off picking up his pipe when he dropped it yesterday?”
“I did not want a hole burnt in the carpet.”
“Sure!” Ben went back to pacing. “And while we are on the subject, do you really go to church for his sermons, or is it the frisk of his cassock as he steps out of the pulpit that pleases you?” A long pause, with both of us staring at the ceiling. “Ellie, if we are going to make this work…”
“If?” I retreated behind a brittle laugh. “Having your mother here should add a few lumps. In between polishing her halo, she can provide me with endless hours of enjoyment listening to her petty criticisms.” My last words lacked total conviction. Magdalene skirted the letter of criticism. In the instance of my skirt, she hadn’t said it was too long, she had merely offered to hem it.
Ben, this man I no longer knew, pounced within three inches of the bed. “Don’t you speak about my mother that way. She has been through hell!”
“I couldn’t agree more, if your father takes after you.”
He headed for the door, then turned back. “Since the day you and I met, I have been wading through your crazy relatives. Now, if it doesn’t take too much time away from them, I am going downstairs to cook dinner for my mother. Join us if you wish.”
Ben bunked down the hallway. I clung to the door jamb, and snarled after him:
“Do we include Freddy among my crazy relatives? Don’t you know you two are the talk of the neighborhood? The Dark Horse expects to go bankrupt if you two desist from stopping in for a quick one on your way home from Abigail’s!”
Ben swung around. He looked like one of those robots, the vicious kind that sizzle you with their eyes. “I refuse to apologise for stopping in at the pub once or twice a week for a pint and a game of darts. Freddy needs to let off steam about Jill and-”
“Her petulant insistence on marriage?”
“Will you let me finish! I was about to say that the one thing my parents denied me was a brother. Sid sometimes joins us. He’s been rather edgy of late, and what are friends for? Marriage isn’t intended as a prison, is it? Do you find me interrogating you on each and every one of your activities?”
“I don’t have any activities.” My smile was the last word in nonchalance. Unfortunately it threatened to tear my face apart.
“Oh, no?” He folded his arms. “Mum mentioned in passing that you were wearing male attire when she arrived and that the trouser cuffs were rolled up, meaning they weren’t mine. Mum didn’t mention a clerical collar, but even had she, I would not become hysterical.”
I closed my eyes and got this lovely picture of me slowly strangling his mother. “There is a perfectly reasonable explanation-”
Ben lifted his hand as though stopping traffic in Leicester Square. “I don’t need explanations, Ellie. My feeling for you is based on trust.” Whereupon he tapped his watch; this meeting having run beyond its allotted span, he sped down the stairs to dine with Mum.
I doubt he had once looked at his watch while with A.E. Brady. Leaning over the bannister rail I could hear noises from the kitchen. Laughter probably. Never mind. There were still some pleasures to be squeezed from life. Feeling as if I would suffocate, I opened the bathroom door, slid down onto the floor in a huddle, and flung my hair over my face. That way no one would hear me gulping down noisy sobs. I didn’t want anyone to feel guilty.
A furry shadow appeared along the wall-Tobias! I put him on the clothes bin, then stood clinging to the shell-shaped pedestal basin until I was breathing almost normally again. My face, alas, didn’t recover that quickly. It was red-eyed and puffy. Even Tobias was mildly revolted. “I don’t want you to take this to heart”-I splashed on cold water and rubbed vigourously with a towel-“but I have quarrelled with the man of the house. Will you wipe that smile off your face? I didn’t say anything about divorce. I am physically and emotionally attached to the man, so the hardest part of all this is that I am going to have to forgive him, after he has eaten his words-the way you are eating the toothpaste.”