And you can separate from yourself like that anytime you please? No, said Creta Kano, after thinking about it for a moment. At first I could do it only when my body was experiencing physical pain. Pain was the key to the splitting off of my consciousness. Later, with Malta Kano's help, I learned to do it at will to some extent. But that was much later.
Before long, a letter arrived from Malta Kano. She told me that she had finally finished three years of a kind of training she had been doing on Malta and within the week would be returning to Japan. She planned to live in Japan permanently from then on. I was thrilled at the prospect of seeing her again. We had been apart for nearly eight years. And as I mentioned earlier, Malta was the only person in the world to whom I could freely tell everything that was in my heart.
On the day she came back to Japan, I told Malta everything that had happened to me. She listened to my long, strange story to the very end without comment, without asking a single question. And when I was finished, she heaved a deep sigh and said to me, I know I should have been with you, I should have been watching over you all this time. For some reason, I never realized that you had such profound problems. Perhaps it was because you were simply too close to me. But in any case, there were things I had to do. There were places I had to go, alone. I had no choice in the matter.
I told her that she should not let it bother her. These were my problems, after all, and I was improving little by little. She thought about this for a while, saying nothing, and then she said, All the things you have been through ever since I left Japan have been painful and bitter for you, but as you say, you have been moving toward the proper state, step by step. The worst is over for you, and it will never come back. Such things will never happen to you again. It will not be easy, but you will be able to forget many things once a certain amount of time has passed. Without a true self, though, a person can not go on living. It is like the ground we stand on. Without the ground, we can build nothing.
There is one thing, however, which you must never forget, and that is that your body has been defiled by that man. It is a thing that should never have happened. You could have been lost forever; you might have had to wander forever through genuine nothingness. Fortunately, the state of your being just happened not to be the real, original you, and so it had the reverse effect. Instead of trapping you, it liberated you from your transitory state. This happened through sheer good luck. The defilement, however, remains inside you, and at some point you will have to rid yourself of it. This is something that I cannot do for you. I cannot even tell you how to do it. You will have to discover the method for yourself, and do it by yourself.
My sister then gave me my new name: Creta Kano. Newly reborn, I needed a new name, she said. I liked it from the start. Malta Kano then began to use me as a spiritual medium. Under her guidance, I learned more and more how to control my new self and how to divide the flesh from the spirit. Finally, for the first time in my life, I became capable of living with a sense of peace. Of course, my true self was still something that lay beyond my grasp. I was still lacking too much for that to happen. But now, in Malta Kano, I had a companion by my side, someone I could depend upon, someone who understood me and accepted me. She be- came my guide and my protector.
But then you met Noboru Wataya again, didn't you?
Creta Kano nodded. That is true, she said. I did meet Noboru Wataya again. It happened early in March of this year. More than five years had passed since I had been taken by him and undergone my transformation and begun to work with Malta Kano. We came face-to-face again when he visited our home to see Malta. We did not speak to each other. I merely caught a glimpse of him in the entryway, but one glimpse was all it took to freeze me in place as if I had been struck by lightning. It was that man- the last man to buy me.
I called Malta Kano aside and told her that he was the man who had defiled me. Fine, she said. Just leave everything to me. Don't worry. You keep out of sight. Make sure he doesn't see you. I did as I was told. Which is why I do not know what he and Malta Kano discussed at that point.
What could Noboru Wataya have possibly wanted from Malta Kano? Creta Kano shook her head. I am sorry, Mr. Okada, I have no idea.
People come to your house because they want something, isn't that usually the case?
Yes, it is. What kinds of things do they come for? All kinds of things. But what kinds of things? Can you give me an example?
Creta Kano bit her lip for a moment. Lost things. Their destinies. The future. Everything.
And you two know about those things?
We do. Not absolutely everything, but most of the answers are in here, said Creta Kano, pointing at her temple. You just have to go inside.
Like going down into a well? Yes, like that. I put my elbows on the table and took a long, deep breath. Now, if you don't mind, theres something Id like you to tell me. You showed up in my dreams a few times. You did this consciously. You willed it to happen. Am I right?
Yes, you are right, said Creta Kano. It was an act of will. I entered your consciousness and joined my body with yours.
You can do things like that? Yes, I can. That is one of my functions.
You and I joined our bodies together in my mind. When I heard myself actually speaking these words, I felt as if I had just hung a bold surrealistic painting on a white wall. And then, as if looking at the painting from a distance to make sure it was not hanging crooked, I said the words again: You and I joined our bodies together in my mind. But I never asked you two for anything. It never even crossed my mind to find out anything from you. Right? So why did you take it upon yourself to do such a thing?
Because I was ordered to by Malta Kano.
Meaning that Malta Kano used you as a medium to hunt around inside my mind. What was she looking for? Answers for Noboru Wataya? Or for Kumiko?
Creta Kano said nothing for a time. She seemed confused. I don't really know, she said. I was not given detailed information. That way, I can function more spontaneously as a medium. My only job is to have peoples minds pass through me. It is Malta Kano's job to assign meaning to what I find there. But please understand, Mr. Okada: Malta Kano is fundamentally on your side. I hate Noboru Wataya, you see, and Malta Kano's first concern is for me. She did this for your sake, Mr. Okada. That is what I believe.
Creta Kano went out to shop at the neighborhood supermarket. I gave her money and suggested that as long as she was going out, she should change into more respectable clothing. She nodded and went to Kumiko's room, where she put on a white cotton blouse and a floral-pattern skirt. It doesn't bother you, Mr. Okada, for me to put on your wifes clothing?
I shook my head. Her letter told me to get rid of it all. No ones going to be bothered if you wear her things.
Just as I expected, everything fit her perfectly-almost weirdly so. Even her shoe size was the same. Creta Kano left the house wearing a pair of Kumiko's sandals. The sight of Creta Kano in Kumiko's clothing made me feel once again that reality was changing its direction somewhat, the way a huge passenger ship lumbers into a new course.
After Creta Kano went out, I lay on the sofa staring at the garden, my mind a blank. She came back by taxi thirty minutes later, holding three large bags stuffed with groceries. Then she made me ham and eggs and a sardine salad.
Tell me, Mr. Okada, do you have any interest in Crete? Creta Kano asked without warning after we had eaten.