"Then carry him," Wiz said and turned away into the night. He took two steps and then turned back to them. "But if he’s not standing in the square by noon, you’re all going to be pigeon roosts by evening."
He took two more steps and turned back again.
"Oh, and one more thing."
The three quailed before him.
"Which way is it to town?"
God what an evening, Wiz thought as he trudged down the dusty road toward town. The moon gave enough light to keep him on the road and out of potholes, but not enough to see every rock and tree root. As a result he had stubbed his toes and bruised his heels a half dozen times before he had gone as much as a mile.
The only good thing is, it’s too late for anything else to happen to me tonight.
Just then a shadow passed over the moon. Wiz looked up to see a dragon settling down on a hillock beside the road. The moon was behind the creature so it loomed nightmarishly large and black before him.
"Starting a new fashion, Wizard?" Wurm’s "voice" rang in his head.
"Right now I’m trying to get back to town."
"Still, this is opportune. I have been meaning to speak to you at a time and place which would not upset your, ah, clients."
Wiz had a sudden premonition the night’s events so far had just been a warm-up. "What do you want?" he asked wearily.
"An opportunity to discuss your progress, and perhaps your future actions. I understand for example that you personally convinced one dragon to give up his prey. That in itself is a notable accomplishment."
"Ah, to tell you the truth it wasn’t that difficult. Not with that particular dragon."
Wurm nodded his enormous head. "Griswold is a moron. Even for a hatchling."
"Well, at least my run-in with him helped get me in solid with the council."
"Oh, you have accomplished more than that," Wurm said, amused. "In two days there will be a dragonmote to decide what to do about you."
"Dragonmote?"
"A meeting of dragons, or of all who choose to attend." He cocked his enormous scaly head. "Quite an honor actually. The first dragonmote in several hundred years. Dragons dislike gatherings and prefer single combat to the constant clumping and bickering of humans. Besides, dragons seldom feel the need to take concerted action."
Suddenly it got even colder under the horse blanket. "Concerted action?"
Wurm nodded again. "I believe the currently favored solution is incinerating the town and you with it."
"Is this where I came in?" Then he thought furiously. "Look, can you get me in to that meeting? To speak to them I mean."
Wurm cocked his enormous head. "I think it can be arranged." The way he said it left Wiz no doubt that had been his plan all along.
Twenty-three: Dragonmote
The number of screw-ups in a presentation is directly proportional to the importance of the audience and inversely proportional to their belief in what you’re selling.
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for they are subtle and see right through bullshit.
The place was a narrow chasm between two towering sandstone cliffs. When it rained the sandy bottom was probably under several feet of water. About twenty feet of water, Wiz judged from the bits of driftwood and debris caught in cracks and ledges up the wall. He devoutly hoped it didn’t rain while the dragonmote was in progress.
Not that it would matter to the dragons. They dropped in through the narrow crack of sky above and settled themselves along the cliff faces, hanging head-down like bats.
The smell of snake and sulfur was well-nigh overpowering and garbled bits of dragon speech rang in his head.
With a minimum of hissing and squabbling the dragons settled into their places. There didn’t seem to be any strict hierarchy, but the larger, older dragons clearly got the best seats in the house.
A smallish dragon slipped in through the crack of sky, but instead of choosing a spot on the sandstone walls, it dropped down onto the sand next to Wiz. All dragons looked pretty much alike to Wiz but as soon as the creature "spoke" Wiz recognized Griswold.
"You cheated me!" the young dragon said. "Cheated me out of my rightful prey. That spell you showed me was a phony."
"No it wasn’t."
"But it doesn’t do anything!" Griswold protested.
"I never said that it did," Wiz said blandly.
"But, but, but…" Griswold did a fair imitation of a turkey gobbling. Wiz just smiled sweetly.
The young dragon drew back his head as if to say something else, but Wiz shushed him as the meeting came to order.
"This mortal is here under my protection," Wurm declared as the dragons settled in. "Are there any objections?" There was a certain amount of shifting and hissing, but apparently no one objected strongly enough to try to tackle Wurm.
There was no introduction. The dragons fell silent and stared at Wiz, waiting for him to begin.
Wiz gestured and his equipment appeared. It included an overhead projector, complete with a green demon to operate it, a screen, and a large easel holding flip charts. Beats heck out of lugging this stuff down the hall, he thought. He picked up the pointer lying on the easel and launched into his prepared spiel.
"Uh, good afternoon ladies and, uh, well dragons. My name is…"
"We know who you are," a steely voice rang in his head. "Get on with it."
"Certainly, Mr. ah…"
"Ralfnir," came the cold voice. Looking up and to his right Wiz identified the "speaker" as a dragon nearly as large as Wurm and just as ferocious looking.
"First slide, please. Now, as you can see here…"
The demon flipped on the projector and a gorgeous rainbow-tinted slide appeared on the screen. It was not, however, the title slide. Wiz didn’t recognize it at all. Then he looked harder and realized it was in upside down. At least it seemed to be upside down. Since it was titled in Japanese it was hard for Wiz to tell.
"Uh, next slide please. Now, as you can see here…" He stopped. This one was the Miss July picture from the presentation to the council. Trying to look at the slide from the dragons’ perspective, Wiz realized her pose and lack of clothing made her resemble something on a buffet. The dragons seemed mightily unimpressed.
"Uh, next chart please."
Finally, mercifully, the demon got the right slide.
"Now as you can see…" But that was as far as he got. Ralfnir drew back his head and aimed an incandescent blast of dragon fire down at him.