“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what?” he said suspiciously, as he tried to find a foothold on the crumbly ascent.
“Why are you here?” I asked outright. I was never good at leading into things.
He was scrambling up the incline, bits of rock and rubble sliding down the hill.
“That’s a good question,” he said as he held out his hand and pulled me towards him. He pulled a little too hard and we fell sideways, landing in the dirt next to each other, nearly rolling down the hill. I lay there, waiting for an answer.
“Let’s just say, if Joseph wasn’t madly in love with you, I would very happily take your place in his affections.” I think my eyes were nearly popping out of my head. I had never heard of such a thing. Shock didn’t even cover it.
“Does…Joseph…know?” I managed to stammer. I was reeling at this information.
“Yes, but don’t worry,” he said sadly. “He has always made it clear that he considers me a friend, nothing more. He never asked me to come; I made that decision for myself.”
I felt quite sad for him. Even if it weren’t Joseph he loved, in the Woodlands his would always be a life of constant lying and unhappiness. In Pau, and I assume everywhere, one was expected to marry and produce a child. Life was hard enough without the added burden of living a lie. I understood why he left. Anything had to be better than that.
“I’m not worried,” I said, “but I’m glad to understand you better.” I knew what it was like to love someone from a distance. I guess sometimes that’s all you get.
“Maybe you’ll let me understand you better then?” he said as we pushed ourselves up to standing.
“Maybe.”
We pushed on. It was getting steeper and the vegetation was clearing. Now it was mostly crumbling dirt and orange gravel. It was very slippery and hard to negotiate. As we neared the top, we were both crawling on our hands and knees. I got to the top first and hauled Deshi’s slight body over the edge. We both stood up, dusting orange dirt off our knees and palms.
We both looked down at our feet; we were standing on large slabs of wood evenly spaced apart with two metal rails lying across them. It snaked off into the distance as far as we could see. This had to be it.
It was joyful and frightening at the same time. The tracks followed a line of trees, pines and spruces, green and towering. They leaned into the track, casting spiky shadows over it but never covering it. The track itself was in remarkable condition. It was rusty and the wood was grey and rotting, but it was not engulfed in vegetation as Alexei had expected. From our vantage point, we could see the whole world. It was foreign, ancient, and beautiful.
Deshi handed me his canteen and I took a large gulp of water. Almost immediately, I needed to go to the toilet. As I went on, I was finding more and more that this child inside me was encroaching on my physical well-being, changing things I didn’t want changed and always making life harder.
“I need to go to the toilet,” I said, embarrassed.
Deshi rolled his eyes but he was used to this after travelling with two pregnant girls for days.
“Ok, well, why don’t you stay here and do what you need to do and I’ll go back and get the others,” he chirped. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He was scrambling down the incline before I could even reply.
It was getting dark. I hoped Deshi wouldn’t take too long. Even though there was no one around, I felt conscious of being exposed so I decided I would climb down the other side, which was less steep, and offered some privacy. I skidded lightly down the other side and found a bush to crouch behind.
Just as I finished, I noticed a form moving towards me. At first I thought it must have been someone from the group but no, it was coming from the other direction and it was moving lower and faster than a person. I was fascinated, watching this fuzzy form move from tree to plant to rock, bowing its head and then moving on, getting closer and closer to where I stood. There was no noise as it approached. Its padded feet walked soundlessly across twigs and gravel. I hadn’t moved since I spotted it and tried to shift my weight, as I was standing with one leg on the incline and one on the flat ground. That small movement made it stop, still. It turned its head to the side and lowered its body, gliding softly towards me, ears back, eyes wide. Even in this cold air, I was sweating. It put its nose to the sky and sniffed, snorting the air from its nose like the smell was unpleasant. It was only a couple of meters away from me now and I could see clearly what it was.
It was a magnificent creature, standing as high as my shoulders. It was covered in a thick coat of brown-grey fur, yellowing as it reached down its long, lean legs. This was a dog. No, it was far too big. A wolf.
It was upon me now; it lowered its head to my feet and tracked its nose up to my stomach. I was as still as stone, feeling an odd sense of protectiveness about its nose nearly touching my belly. Wanting to turn to the side, so the baby was out of the way. It was so close that I could feel its hot breath on my skin. I was mesmerized by its beauty, its presence. It was majestic and powerful. It could kill me in a second, but it was all I could do to resist the ridiculous urge to run my hands through its thick fur.
Like a trap snapping shut, it whipped its head around. It sniffed the air again and cantered gracefully away from me, making its way to the crest of the incline. Standing on the tracks, our path. It howled one long note and other howls not far away joined the chorus.
Run, a voice in my head uttered urgently. Run now.
I scrambled up the graveled hill, just in time to see the creature bounding down the tracks in the opposite direction to me. I knew I had to be quick. It was a scout, soon it would reach its pack and they would be after me.
I slid down the other side on my backside, all the while screaming for Deshi. He couldn’t have been that far ahead of me, surely. Tramping through the thicket, I cut through to clearer ground, my arms and legs scratched and bleeding. I broke into the quickest run I could manage, which wasn’t very fast. All the while thinking, what if they get to them first or what if they get to me first? I was struggling to suck in breath, struggling to keep moving, but I did. I started screaming all of their names, hoping for any reply.
“Joseph, Deshi, Clara, Apella, Alexei, anyone?”
Finally someone answered. It was Joseph, sprinting in my direction. His large body barreling towards me so fast, he had to dig into the dirt to stop from knocking me over.
“What? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” He sounded panicked. He grabbed my arms, casting an eye over the blood and scratches. They all had their packs on their backs. Deshi must have made it back and they were preparing to come meet me at the tracks.
“No!” I said, pulling away from his grasp violently with irritation. “There’s a pack of wolves nearby and I think they are hunting us or will be soon.”
“Oh,” he sighed in relief. I was confused by his reaction. We were no match for a pack of wild animals. I didn’t think we even had any weapons.
“Alexei, what do we do about wolves?” he said, with an edge to his voice I didn’t recognize—commanding and directive.
Alexei took out his reader and scanned it for some information, flicking his finger occasionally to enlarge something he was reading. “Wolves,” he said in his intellectual voice, “hunt in packs. To avoid being attacked, climb a tree. The pack will eventually lose interest and move on.”
“Right, let’s put our packs up in a tree and then up we go,” Joseph said with authority. But it was too late. As we were organizing ourselves, I could see glowing eyes hovering in what was left of the day’s light. There looked to be at least five pairs. I imagined them licking their lips and baring their teeth but all I could see was eyes. There was no sound. Everyone was still fussing around with their packs. I grabbed Alexei’s shoulder roughly and pointed towards the eyes. They would have been about four-hundred meters away. They were moving slowly and deliberately in our direction, stalking us.