I was filthy and miserable. The loss of my mother and my new sister bobbed in and out of my head like a tainted tea bag. I’d blown it. At least I knew they would be safe from Paulo. My only consolation was Rash, trudging along, keeping up easily, dragging me by my jacket sleeve.
“So, a kid?” he asked, his dark eyebrows rising in surprise.
I nodded. “His name’s Orry.”
I let my mind wander from Orry to Joseph, wondering what they were doing right now. Was he missing me? I missed him so much I couldn’t breathe. When I closed my eyes, his memory wrapped around me like golden tethers. I thought of our night together, and I thought I might crack open right there. I put my arm across my chest, feeling the pain physically wound me.
A hand patted my shoulder awkwardly. “That bad, huh? What? Does the little terror scream all night and crap all day?”
I pressed my fingers to my lips, letting the memory of Joseph’s kiss lag there. “Rosa?”
“What? No. Well, sometimes, but mostly he’s perfect.” My beautiful boy, how did I leave without saying goodbye?
Rash lowered his head, shaking it minutely. “Who would’ve thought it? Miss I’m never having a kid, happy with a bouncing baby boy.”
I smiled sadly. “It wasn’t that simple. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point. Joseph helped,” I whispered.
We pushed through low-lying branches, some showing signs of life, persistent, hardened buds that would soon sprout blossoms. I let one spring back and slap Rash in the chest. He coughed dramatically. “Ahem. Joseph?”
I wasn’t sure how to say it, how to make Rash understand the tunnels I had pushed through to get here, the darkness Joseph dragged me out of, and what was on the other side. Love.
I jerked Rash to me and whispered close to his ear, my voice breaking a little as I said, “I fell in love, ok? It’s complicated. He’s Orry’s father. Umm, not that we had… umm, not then anyway.” I was confessing way too much here, my words jumping over one another in a jumble. “You know him. He was at the Classes; he came from Pau like me. He rescued me,” from so many things.
Recognition followed by amusement flickered over Rash’s face. “You and beautiful blond man had a baby?” Rash laughed. “Nice one, Soar.” He knocked my shoulder and I flew forward, scratching my arm on some barbed, black rocks. I glared up at him, but when I saw his true and somewhat congratulatory smile, my face softened. I didn’t have to manufacture words for Rash. I didn’t have to give him part of the truth and hide the rest. He was my friend, and he accepted every part of me.
The realization came coupled with a bleeding graze on my hand, drawing my eyes back to the black rocks. I followed the way they scattered and built, collecting stature as they went. I smiled slowly. The beginnings of the black, craggy cliffs were to my right. We were close.
I cupped my hand to my mouth and yelled out carelessly for Careen.
She turned, whip-like, knowing instinctively what I was shouting about. I pulled myself up and started running, leaving the men behind.
Careen grabbed my hand and we ran along the base of the cliffs, snatching looks upwards, searching for holes, signs. It suddenly felt like minutes were important, that if we didn’t sprint, somehow Pietre would be out of time.
My mind felt giddy. How long had it been since I knocked Pietre out and ran for the wall? Two days maybe? It wasn’t long, but he was injured and unconscious and… I picked up the pace, grabbing at the sun-warmed rocks and levering myself forward. We scrambled over and around, pushing out when they were too high. Pelo and Rash wound their way behind us, picking carefully over our plough marks of snapped branches and dug-up dirt.
As we headed around the biggest outcrop, I knew we were nearly there. I could feel it. I stopped abruptly for a breath and to steel myself, inadvertently yanking Careen backwards. I noticed Rash and Pelo had disappeared from sight. I stood, panting, searching for their clambering bodies, waiting, my eyes straining, my body wanting to propel forward. Where were they?
I felt a burrowing panic with every breath. Clenching my fists, I cursed myself for letting him fall behind. How could I let him go when I’d only just found him?
Careen tugged at my shirt anxiously, her eyes brimming with tears. A breeze tickled the back of my neck, and I shivered as it swept across my sweaty skin. It swirled along the ground and disturbed the bushes enough for me to see the two men shoving their way through the underbrush. I drew in a deep breath, relieved, and then spluttered.
A heavy, rotten smell knocked at our noses. The smell of death.
Careen surged forward suddenly. I caught her arm, jerking her back. She turned to face me, her eyes wet, her cheeks flushed and tight. “Let go of me, Rosa,” she said, shaking her arms half-heartedly. She was scared. We both were. Going forward meant finding the origin of that smell.
It’s not him, I told myself.
I shook my head, feeling my stomach turning and twisting at what I was about to volunteer to do. I’d seen Joseph die in front me. It was an image that I’d never shake free of. If I could spare Careen that, I would.
I stood on my tiptoes to look Careen in the eyes and summoned my best fake courage. “I’ll go first.”
She managed a tiny nod, turning her back to me. “Two minutes,” she muttered weakly to the tree trunk she was facing, looking like the tip of a match against the pale timber. “Then I’m coming after you.”
Rash stumbled forward and hooked his arm in the crook of my elbow. I froze, remembering Clara. It added layers to my courage. I couldn’t lose anyone else. I didn’t care how irritating Pietre was. I let my hand fall from my hip and held on tightly to Rash’s cool hand.
*****
We moved forward, hesitantly. I grimaced, opened my mouth to speak, and gagged at the foul air that entered. It was so dense I could almost see it wafting past my face. A sickly green color, unmistakably rotting flesh. I pictured what I might find through the trees, as the breeze seemed to tunnel the swamp-thick stench directly towards us. I disliked Pietre, but I didn’t want to find his remains sprawled across the mud, torn to pieces.
Why didn’t he just stay in the cave? I knew why… because he was a stubborn bastard.
We dragged our feet, taking our time, but then I heard Careen shout that she was coming in thirty seconds, so we plowed through the curtain of smell, our shirts pulled across our faces, which did absolutely nothing. We got to a point where the smell was so bad that the source had to be close. I pulled the shirt down and breathed in carefully, immediately doubling over and vomiting water and bile. Rash took one look at me and hurled the contents of his stomach at the base of a tree.
It didn’t make any sense. The smell was at its strongest where I stood, but I couldn’t see a body. I swallowed hard as I thought maybe the police had killed Pietre and buried him, but then surely the smell wouldn’t be this pungent. I scratched at the dirt with a stick, searching half-heartedly for evidence of a grave, when a flurry above my head caught my attention. Strands of hair waved over my nose like a small breeze had come out of nowhere, just to push more stink in my face. I ran my hands over my scalp, pulling my hair back, and then something wet splashed onto my hand.
I inspected it and had to hold my mouth with my other hand to stop from vomiting again. It was blackish green, viscous, and I have never smelled anything as putrid in all my life.
A flutter and a caw drew my eyes to the sky. There, dangling from the branches like some grotesque puppet, was the deer Careen had killed, or at least parts of it. The one she had cut up and thrown into the tree to distract the wolves. We were surrounded by a circle of decomposing chunks of animal, and its head was dangling above me. It stared at me with rotted eyes, half its stomach pouring down the trunk. A black crow pecked at its middle. I stumbled backwards into Rash’s chest, heaving. Panicking.