So it was just after the Survivors took us in. God, they were despicable. I sighed deeply.
“Thanks for that,” I said sarcastically. “I feel a whole lot better.”
“Sorry, I was just trying to distract you…” he said, tapping his chin.
“Thanks for nothing,” I said, a slight smile teasing its way onto my lips.
I sighed. The distraction was fleeting, and in its place was that cold fear wrapping around me. Each strand was thin as a spider’s web and strong as steel wire, pulling tighter and tighter. It came with the realization that we were probably being watched. That the net of the Superiors was drawing closed. The opening was getting smaller, and we needed to do something before we were all trapped.
Rash stopped jittering and put his arm around my shoulders. “It’s going to be ok, Soar.”
I wanted to believe him so badly.
Tears dried and welled, dried and welled. There was no end to this pain. And if it ended, that only meant an abyss would crack open, and we would be thrown in together.
It was closeted. The smell of a fizzled candle singed my nose.
And the sound. The worst sound and the only sound to make.
His hulking form crouched on the edge of the mattress. I padded my hands around, searching for the matches. Strike, fizz, light.
It illuminated the destruction, the result of holding everything in until there had to be an out.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes red-rimmed and still fighting back tears.
I struggled with the sight. My capsule smashed to pieces, splinters poking violently out at every angle.
I knelt down and put my arms around him as far as they could go, trying to bring him into me, to hold him up and let him lean on me. He wept. I didn’t. I would be strong for him, just as he had been strong for me so many times.
“Sh. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter,” I soothed.
Nothing mattered. Our son was dying, literally disintegrating before our eyes. I shuddered and tried not to tremble at the enormity of it. I clasped Joseph tighter. He was solid like a rock but slowly crumbling on the inside. Sadly now, we were halfway matching.
Joseph
I tried not to fall apart. I needed to keep it together, be strong for both of them. But she found me; she caught up with me. I was just so damn scared, and I’m trying not to let it show all over my face. Because I feel it in every breath, in every tense muscle. I know I’m slowly breaking apart. And I can’t. Because if Orry dies, I won’t just lose my son, I’ll lose her. She’ll disappear, and there’ll be no reaching her.
Somehow, I fell asleep, curled in a ball with Rosa’s arms reaching over my back, her hand lying flat on my chest. I breathed in and her hand slid backwards, away from me. I grabbed it before it fell behind me and held it over my heart. Her fingers tapped gently, and I knew she was awake. She mumbled and rolled away from me. My heart strained. We had precious few moments together, and I was worried they were running out.
She pulled up to sitting and said, “I’m going back to the infirmary.” I shifted, ready to jump up, but she patted my leg. “Stay. Rest. I’ll come get you if something changes.”
I didn’t know what time it was, but there wasn’t even a hint of light. I closed my eyes and felt her pulling the blanket over my shoulder. I didn’t like it. I was the one who should be doing that. I should be taking care of her, of Orry. I clenched my fists. I hated my weakness. I hated how tired I was that, even in my anger, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I returned to sleep, tense and angry.
*****
A thin amount of light shone through the thick curtain of our hovel, as Rosa liked to call it. She despised living down here. She needed to be close to the sky. How else was all that lightning and fire going to escape? I grinned and sat up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. The grin left me as I remembered last night, and the one before that. I quickly splashed some water on my face, feeling what was once stubble turning into a full-blown beard. Fumbling around, I found some matches and lit a candle.
It displayed my fit of anger in all its glory. Shattered wood, and toppled cans in the corner. I growled and grabbed a can of juice, piercing the lid and downing it quickly. I was ashamed of my behavior. The thing was… I knew she didn’t care. But I did. I destroyed something important to her.
I swept up the splinters and threw it in a bucket. Hastily tossing a shirt on, I went to make my way down to one of the fires to destroy the evidence.
I swung the bucket through the entrance, and it collided with something soft. I heard a slight thump, and the air being pushed from her lungs. “Damn it!” I said loudly. I swept the blanket aside. Rosa lay on the rocky ground, propped up on her elbows, looking like she was glued to her place. She stared up at me, her eyes round and red. “You ok?” I asked, even though I knew the answer was no.
She shook her head as if trying to clear it. Opening her mouth to speak, she stopped and then bit down on her lip. I ran my hands through my hair. I didn’t want her to say anything. Not one word.
It came out funny, the words, the meaning. It was like each word was stamped in the air, hard. Because it was so final. They just hung there, both of us staring at nothing but stale air.
“Apella’s dead.”
I pulled her up, and we stumbled towards the infirmary. The rocks beneath us, sharp under my bare feet. I wanted to see for myself. Rosa could have been wrong. She wasn’t a doctor. I knew Apella’s lungs were giving out, I knew that searching for a cure for Orry was taking what little strength she had left, but dead? No.
I clasped the door and paused for a second. I prepared for the worst. Rosa was clutching my shirt like she was drowning. Her tiny fingers pressed into my chest. I opened the door and strode inside.
*****
Would this be me? If I lost her, would this be what everyone saw?
There was no sound but for the small, breathless whimpers of a man who had lost everything. Alexei sat next to a lifeless shell folded over the desk, his head in his hands. “No, no, no, no…” he whispered, over and over, and my remade heart started breaking. My mentor, my friend, my almost mother, was dead.
We broke apart. I went to Alexei, and Rosa to the other side of Apella. I patted Alexei on the back and carefully reached under Apella’s hair to find her pulse. She was cold. My fingers pressed in deeper, but there was no blood pumping through her veins. I looked to Rosa, and it was like she had stopped breathing. Her face was so still, her expression unreadable. Her eyes scanned the desk. She placed her hand over Apella’s wrist and lifted it, sliding a piece of paper out from under the cool, white arm.
Right then, Matt walked in. It took him two seconds to work out what had happened, and his wrinkles deepened. He carefully lifted Apella to the bed. Her arm fell limply, blue ink marking her fingers and hands. I watched Rosa react and suppress, react and suppress. The piece of paper scrunched in her hand. Her eyes flitted to the writing, and confusion spread all over her face. She shook her head slowly and let it fall from her hands.
“That’s it then. It’s for nothing.” She heaved a breath and wrung her hands, the tears she was trying to hold in just pouring from her eyes now. She kind of hiccupped and put her hand to chest. “Oh Jesus, he’s going to die.” I could feel everything she was feeling. The devastation, the fear of what we were about to face. I reached out to grab her but she backed away, turned, and ran. She was a shadow as she slipped out the door.
I kneeled down and scooped up the piece of paper, as it danced across the floor from the gust of Rosa’s departure. My eyes went over each word.