Look after each other.
Don’t forget that because of you, the boy will live.
The next morning, I awoke to a sound that tore right through me. That charged my body and broke open a hundred walled-up, nailed-in parts of me.
Orry’s cry.
When Orry reached twelve months of age, he started eating many solid foods. I wasn’t sure how we managed to avoid the beans up until then. I think it was just dumb luck. It was a serious hereditary disorder. And what Matthew said was right, inside Orry’s body was a warzone, his blood cells exploding and coursing through his veins like shreds of a popped balloon. The transfusion replaced the damaged cells, but he would always have to be careful about what he ate. One mouthful would kill him if blood was not on hand.
Once we knew Orry was going to make a full recovery, the grief set in and all we wanted was some way to lay her to rest. Alexei didn’t want a funeral or a big gathering. He decided to bury her above ground in the center of an old, ruined cottage. It had no roof and a breezing peppercorn tree grew up past the walls, its pink, beaded branches hanging wistfully and covering the windows like a curtain. The sky was framed by crumbling stone walls, like an old photo turning in at the edges.
We left her there, a few words and a pile of stones to mark her end. But there was so much more. Looking at the boy on my hip, I knew she’d always be in him. She was the reason he even existed in the first place, and she saved him. She strived so hard to make up for what she had done and, in Orry and Hessa, she found her redemption. Bouquets of flowers were placed down and then we walked away.
There were others to save.
I grabbed a handful of peppercorns, popping them from the branches and squeezing them tight in my hand. I had to make this a small part of my life. Losing Apella, Orry getting sick, I had to condense it, feel it, but move on. I couldn’t let it drown out the reasons for still living. I couldn’t let the worry consume me. She gave her last moments for Orry, and we would turn those moments into a lifetime for her.
*****
You’re precious. But is your life worth more than the others? I’m trying really hard to forget, but they’re part of you. They are your brothers and sisters, and they’re suffering. Dying. If I don’t help, if I keep you safe and let everybody else crumble and fall around me, then I’m no mother. I’m selfish and undeserving.
“We need to have an adult discussion,” I said to Joseph as we walked back towards the train station.
“Mhm.” Joseph raised his eyebrows in amusement. He grabbed Orry and put him on his steady, broad shoulders.
“We need to convince Gus to send a team to Este. We can’t let this happen to anyone else. For all we know, it’s already happening.” I slapped out the words in a hurry.
The sun glowed behind the two-headed creature. Orry’s eyes were wide and slightly frightened every time Joseph jumped over a stone. I didn’t want to be the one to go back. I didn’t want to leave him. Not now, when the wounds were still so brittle and open.
“He won’t go for it,” Joseph muttered as Orry pulled his hair in his hands like two reins.
“Maybe this is the push they need. Maybe now we can get them to consider fighting.”
I ticked over the list in my head. The Superiors could easily find out we were here. If they returned for some reason, we’d be trapped. Their breeding program was failing. More children would get sick. Even if they didn’t have Orry’s condition, they could have several others that weren’t screened for. Lastly, I still believed if we showed those images to the Woodland citizens, we would have a good chance of causing the seeds of dissidence to take root. It was a risk, but how long could we go on living like this? Why did Gus get to decide?
“Rosa, what are you thinking about?” Joseph smiled and caught me with his eyes. I shook free of the trap of green and gold.
“This isn’t the Woodlands.”
“Uh… yeah, I know…”
“It’s time to vote.”
I’d convinced Gus to let me address the whole community. Nerves were rattling my fingers as I scribbled down my thoughts, crossed them out, and started again.
“Do you want me to do it?”
I scowled up at him. “No, Joseph.”
“Can I read it?” He held out his palm for my scrap of paper.
“No.”
I hated being the center of things, but I hated doing nothing more. I had an idea of what I wanted to do, but getting it out on paper was hard. I wasn’t smart like Joseph. I could knock stuff together, carve a leg, get into trouble, but make a convincing speech? My doubts were etched into every scratched-out word.
I screwed up the paper and threw it in the corner. I couldn’t map this. I wasn’t submitting plans for a house. I just had to say what I knew, how I felt, and hope they would listen.
*****
I held Orry on my hip. He was my gurgling, drooling security blanket. Gus cleared his throat and shouted down to the mass of people huddled together near the channel of water. My father beamed up at me proudly, with his palms pressed into his back. All eyes were either staring at Orry or giving me curious glances.
“Rosa would like to address the settlement. As always, every voice shall be heard, even our younger companions.” He cast his hazel eyes my way disparagingly. “We will hear her, and we will vote.”
He stepped back and gave me the floor, which was really a small, worn patch of stone. I looked down at my feet, noticing the ripple pattern scooped into the rock, as a drop of water hit the top of my head.
I thought I would start softly, ease them into it but… Oh Addy, I hope this is what you meant.
“We will all die if we stay here,” I yelled out across the crowd. Whatever murmurs were going on before I started speaking stopped dead, the rush of water narrowing down a tunnel the only sound passing over us.
“Whether it’s soon or six months from now, they will come back. We’ve seen what they’re capable of. We’ve all lost so much, too much. Are you willing to lose everything?” I put my hand to my chest and thumped it. “Death is following us and if we stop moving, then it’s done, it’s over.” The faces were devastated, so much sadness pulling all their mouths down. But stuck in here that was all we had, sadness and waiting. We had to get up. We had to fight.
I grasped the charm around my neck, something that had swung dormant from each of our necks for too long. “I am a survivor. I live beyond the wall. I give shelter to those that need it. I am not chosen, but I choose to live.”
Hands went to throats, rubbing away at the sloth of inaction that had taken over for months.
“Those babies need our protection, our help. The citizens of the Woodlands deserve a choice.”
Hands start shooting up in the air like unfurling seedlings.
Gus stepped forward, waving his hands fervently. “Wait, wait, I haven’t told you to vote yet.”
“It doesn’t matter, Gus, she’s right. We’re Survivors. We’ve been lost and wounded, for too long.” Other hands moved up, creating a field of unwavering support swaying like grass in the breeze. I let my lips creep into a smile, while my heart was beating so fast I thought it might give out.
“What do you propose we do?” someone yelled from the back of the crowd. It was a hopeful voice.
“We offer the solution, the treatment we found for Orry, in exchange for Deshi. He’s the only one with the skills to help us project our surveillance into the sky for everyone to see,” I said, sweeping my hand in the sky, projecting an imaginary billboard.
Pietre hobbled forward. “What are we supposed to do? Just walk up to the Superiors’ compound and knock politely on the wall?”