Pietre sat opposite us, his eyes orange from the flame. He watched Orry carefully, like he was studying him. When Orry toddled over to him and tripped on a stone, Pietre’s arms shot out to steady the wobbly toddler. Orry smiled at him warily, clapping his palms over both of Pietre’s knees to stabilize himself. Pietre’s teeth showed in what I assume was a grin, but to me looked more like a grimace. Orry laughed. Careen snuggled next to Pietre and held out her hand for Orry to take. My heart felt stabbed clean through. They looked like a family. They might be if Joseph and I didn’t return. I wished we didn’t have to go, but no one else would volunteer who didn’t already have responsibilities elsewhere. It was like a devil was pushing me in the back, and an angel was ushering me forward. There was no other direction to go.
I approached them. Orry saw and ran towards me anxiously, collapsing in my arms with a gurgle. I nuzzled my face in his hair and breathed. I was collecting all these little moments. Storing them. They would be what I would hold onto later. Anchors.
“Can you do one thing for me?” I asked quietly.
Pietre nodded.
Careen smiled widely. “Anything.”
“Take him somewhere up,” I pointed to the ceiling, “on land. No more hiding underground.”
“Of course,” Pietre said soberly. “I know where we can go.” He reached towards my chest. I stiffened, red scurrying around my face, as he pulled my handheld out of my breast pocket and began typing in the coordinates. “When you’re done saving the world, you find us,” he said, without looking up, as he linked our handhelds. We would always know where the other was.
He placed it in my palm and returned his gaze to the fire. “We’re linked now,” he said softly.
Rash was scratching the earth up like a chicken. Essie watched him, her eyes round, her face warm and pink. Her adoration was so clear on her face. He’d obviously had plenty of those drinks. His speech was slurred, and he threw his arms around like he’d been shocked with a stunner. Essie just laughed at his antics. I rolled my eyes and left him to it. We didn’t need to say goodbye just yet.
Alexei sat back from the others; his legs crossed one over the other, his eyes blankly staring into the fire. I put my hand on his shoulder, and he started. “Rosa! I didn’t see you there. I… I was just thinking…”
“About Apella?”
“Well yes, I’m always thinking about her. But actually, I was pondering about the effects of the beer on your friend Rash. I know alcohol can relax people, ease them in to social situations, but I think in your friend’s case, it was, perhaps, superfluous.” He smiled up at me awkwardly. I kneeled down and threw my arms around him, pulling him close.
“Look after Hessa and Orry for me. Keep them together,” I whispered. “You’re the one I trust most of all.” I thought ‘finally’ and ‘too late.’ Tears pulled at the corner of my eyes but I kept hold of him, letting him breathe in and out with someone embracing him and reminding him that he was loved.
He patted my back lightly, and I released him. He sniffed and straightened his glasses. “Thank you, dear.”
*****
It was late. Orry was asleep in Joseph’s arms, his head tilted back, his lips parted like he was about to speak. Rash had passed out in Essie’s lap and was snoring loudly. Essie asked us very politely to help get him back to his room. Joseph handed Orry to me and grumbled as he threw an unresponsive Rash over his shoulder. I slumped over my sleeping baby and caught a hold of another moment to store for later.
“You were always so beautiful when you were sleeping,” Pelo said behind me. “All that energy, that pent-up frustration, disappeared from you face, and you became what I always knew you were—an angel.”
I didn’t look up at him, just continued to stare at my own angel in my arms. “And now what am I?” I asked
Pelo moved in next to me, his thin legs clad in mission-ready cargos and the classic Survivor sneakers. “Now, my darling girl… now you are a savior.”
My breath caught in my chest. I was not as big as that. That word was huge. Savior.
Joseph’s hand clapped around my shoulder and planted me firmly back on the ground. “C’mon, Supergirl.” I raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. “We need to get this one to bed.”
“What’s a supergirl?”
He chuckled at my ignorance. “I really need to show you some of the reading material available to us.”
I kissed Pelo lightly on the cheek, and stood, handing Orry back to Joseph so he could carry him back to the top of this dark amphitheater. As we climbed, my father’s thin frame sunk behind the smoke of the dying fire. He was smiling, his hands clasped in front of him, looking to the sky through meters of rock.
*****
Joseph laid Orry gently down in our bed and tucked him in tightly. I reached down to smooth his hair from his face.
“Once there was a way to get back homeward…” I sung the Beatles song Addy had taught me quietly, like a rough whisper. “Once there was a way to get back home. Sleep pretty darling, do not cry,” my hand shook a little, “and I will sing a lullaby.” Joseph’s arms curled around my shoulder. “Golden slumbers fill your eyes. Smiles await you when you rise. Sleep pretty darling, do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby.” I wiped the tear before it even had a chance to creep out of the corner of my eye.
We both stared down at him as the candle flickered, casting our wobbly shadows on the inky walls. Any minute now, he’d disappear like a puff of smoke.
This was too hard.
Joseph mirrored my thoughts, standing back and running both hands through his hair, and keeping them clasped behind his neck. He turned to me, and his eyes were half-dark, half-desire.
Sadness pulled you in different directions. Love pulled you straight into another. For me, desire was pulling all those strands together and tying them in a knot, holding me together. Even if it was temporary.
But everything felt like a last…
Joseph pulling me along a tunnel, his hand clutching mine so tight my bones were mashing together.
The atmosphere opening up like a hole-ridden blanket had been tossed across the sky, pricks of light drilling holes into the ground as we ran into the trees.
The slip of fabric running over my arms and losing its hold on me, slow as it danced to ground, crisscrossing shadows sitting on top of it like a weight.
The cold as the air hit my skin.
The warm as his skin met mine.
The feeling of being lifted, wet leaves pressing into my back as I reached up to meet him.
We were together.
Everything was cold until every part of me was warm and shaking. Winter being pulled back, with the retreating mist at our bare feet.
We woke drowsy. Sleep didn’t find us until early morning, and it still clung to the sides of my eyes like the sheet that was glued to my damp face. Joseph’s lips met mine and the sun rose in my chest. But then Orry kicked me in the back.
“Mama,” he said, impatiently pulling my hair.
Lasts.
I tried unsuccessfully to push down the grief that scraped its way up through my body. Joseph’s hand clamped around my stick-like arm, and I could feel the unhappiness running like a current from him to me and back again.
“Right, breakfast,” I said, going about the normal things.
A tail curled and snapped under the heavy blanket strung up in the entrance to our hovel. “Munk ee,” Orry shouted excitedly, like he had the hiccups.
“Clever boy,” Joseph said, swinging him into his arms for a hug. Our eyes connected. We both looked like we’d choke if we tried to speak, so we averted our gaze from each other.