The silt was slimy against the soles of my feet as I pressed against the side of the dam. I ducked my head under and held my breath. I counted in my head, almost thirty seconds.
When I came up for air Cassie had pulled a bag of wine from his backpack. He and Ian were sitting cross-legged and were passing it between them, opening their mouths like baby birds as they tilted their heads and poured the wine in.
‘You nicked that,’ I called out.
‘So what?’ Cassie said.
‘You’ll get in trouble.’
‘Dad won’t notice.’
‘Yeah, he will,’ I said. ‘You can go to prison for drinking when you’re not eighteen yet.’
‘Who told you that?’ Cassie said.
I shrugged and swam to the side of the dam. ‘Give me some then.’
‘No way,’ Cassie said. ‘You’re a kid. You’ll go to prison.’
‘So will you,’ I said.
‘Don’t be such a pussy,’ Ian said, shoving Cassie’s shoulder. ‘Just give her some.’
‘I’m not a pussy,’ said Cassie. ‘I just don’t want to waste any on her.’
‘There’s enough for all of us,’ Ian said.
Cassie gave me a look and I scrambled onto the grass. ‘Open your mouth,’ he said. I kneeled next to him and put my face next to his chest. He pressed the nozzle and wine filled my mouth. It tasted sour, and was warm as bathwater.
I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and Cassie shoved me away from him. I didn’t even like the taste, but I opened my mouth for more.
‘That’s it,’ he said.
‘We should get her drunk,’ Ian said.
‘Piss off,’ Cassie said.
‘It’ll be fun. Drunk kids are fucking hilarious.’
‘Why waste it on her?’
‘Come on.’ Ian picked up the cask. ‘Come have a squirt.’ Cassie scratched his ankle. Ian stared at me. ‘We won’t tell on you.’
‘I don’t want any more,’ I said.
Cassie took the cask from Ian and poured it into his own mouth. I could feel Ian looking at me still so I crawled across the dirt and slipped back into the water. I wondered if he was looking at me the way he looked at the girls in the magazine.
After a few minutes I heard the buzz of an engine. I paddled to the bank and watched the hills. Cassie froze, silver wine bag a flashing torch in his hands. A few seconds later Dad’s truck appeared at the top of the hill.
‘Shit,’ Cassie said, stuffing the cask into his backpack. At first I thought something terrible must’ve happened, but when Dad stopped beside the dam and got out of the truck he was smiling. He was wearing togs, a towel over his shoulders, and strips of blue zinc on his nose and cheeks. His belly and chest were white, but his legs and arms were brownish-pink, as though they’d been screwed on from another person.
‘Too cold for you boys?’ Dad called out, slamming the door.
‘What are you doing?’ Cassie asked.
‘Felt like a dip,’ Dad said. He put his towel down on the grass.
Dad had never come to the dam before; I’d never seen him swim in my life. Cassie said that they used to swim in the dam all the time in summer, him and Mum and Dad, but stopped when Wally and me came along.
Dad kicked off his scuffs, threw down his towel and sat down at the dam’s edge before getting in. ‘Chilly,’ he said, bunching up his shoulders. He waded slowly, like he was moving through mud, until the water sucked him in. I swished around in the water as Dad did a few laps. Cassie and Ian looked at each other and then at the ground, as if to stop themselves from laughing, even though they’d both looked dead scared when they first saw the truck come over the hill.
Dad swam for half an hour, doing breaststroke like a giant frog, floating on his back. Sometimes I splashed him and he would splash me back. I tried to have fun but it was hard when I felt like I was waiting for some sort of explosion.
When Dad got out I stayed in the water. He dried himself off and then sat down on his towel. ‘Well then,’ he said, blowing his nose onto the grass. ‘That was refreshing.’
Ian kept looking towards the ground with a smirk on his face. Cassie stared into space.
‘Home time, I think,’ Dad said. ‘No point staying out here if none of you are swimming.’
‘She’s swimming,’ Ian said, pointing at me.
‘I can see that,’ said Dad, ‘but I think she’s about done.’
I dunked my head under one last time and climbed out of the water, moving behind Dad so Ian couldn’t watch me. I shook my arms and legs and pulled on my clothes even though I was still dripping.
Ian shot Cassie a look and they stood up, grabbed their backpacks and shuffled towards the truck. We drove home in silence, except for Dad occasionally spurting out a line from a song that was playing in his head. He was happier than I’d seen him in ages, drumming his hands on the steering wheel. I sat in the front and when I turned around Cassie and Ian were both staring out their windows.
When we got to the house Dad cut the engine and turned around. ‘I’m going to need you to help me with the fence,’ he said to Cassie. ‘Once I’m decent.’
‘Can’t the twins do it?’ Cassie said.
‘I’m asking you, mate.’
‘I’m busy.’
‘You didn’t look too busy before,’ Dad said. ‘Didn’t look like you were busy doing anything.’
‘I’ve got plans,’ Cassie said.
‘You’ve got new plans now.’
When we got out of the car Dad went up the verandah steps and Cassie turned towards Ian. ‘You can hang out in my room if you want,’ he said, standing close to Ian’s ear so I could hardly hear him. ‘Then we can head to the knackery afterwards. Dad’s just being a dick. He’ll be over it in an hour.’
‘Nah,’ Ian said, rubbing his nose with his hand. ‘I’m gonna go home. See you tomorrow maybe.’
He picked up his bike and pedalled towards the driveway. I tried not to let Cassie see how big my smile was.
I watched Dad and Cassie working on the fence facing the road, replacing the planks that had snapped in half or were leaning onto the ground, even though they’d been like that for as long as I could remember and Dad had never cared before. Cassie mostly just stood around looking sulky. When he did uproot a plank or wind a line of wire around the wood he did it with floppy hands and didn’t try very hard at all, so that Dad kept making him do the same thing over and over.
When Cassie took too long to get the wires untangled Dad yelled at him and threw the rotting plank of wood that he’d just uprooted. It nearly hit Cassie’s head, and Cassie chucked the hammer way out into the yard. It landed with a thunk that even I could hear, like a heavy bird dropping from the sky. He stormed inside and shut himself in his room. Dad finished the fence himself, whistling as he worked. When he was done he sat on the verandah with a beer as the sun hit his zinc-striped face, which was frozen into a small smile, happy as anything.
I hadn’t seen Tilly for almost a week after Ian told her about Les. I waved if I saw her in the yard, but she never seemed to see me. She must have been trying to stay away from Ian. Must have got that same feeling about him as I did. I didn’t like Cassie being alone with Ian, got this feeling in my guts whenever they snuck off to the knackery. I needed to stop them from going out there, needed to get Ian to rack off for good.
I saw my chance on Wednesday after school. I was getting my school bag from the verandah when I heard voices coming from Cassie’s room. I hadn’t even been spying on purpose. I peeped through his window. Ian was there. They were sitting on Cassie’s bed, the knuckles spread between them.