“You are not Mr. Quang because your wife’s hair is not yet gray. Neither am I, because I am determined to go before my wife.”
“Who gives you permission to go before me?” the wife responded immediately in a raised voice, adding, “You have to wait to do my funeral, then you can go.”
“Yeah, you are spoiled by the love of your husband, and are used to leading him by the nose. No one can set a time: birth has its fixed time but death has none.”
“That’s so right!”
“Maybe in our families there will be no scene where a son falls for his stepmother, and no scene in which another son takes his wife and children home to create turmoil in front of the ancestors’ altar on the first day of the New Year. But who can guarantee that their children will be filial and treat their parents well? I don’t have to say it, ladies and gentlemen; you all have known this for a long time.”
“Exactly! There is no shortage of stories. In the past, people concealed and covered up such tragedies; putting up with them while swallowing tears in a kitchen corner. In the old days, our elders said, ‘Every family has a jar of smelly fermented fish. You must know how to cover it tightly to keep the neighbors from smelling the foul stink.’”
“But the business of ‘covering it tightly’…that stuff might be more stinky than stirring up shit in the privy just to smell it. Do you all remember the story of Old Lady Cuu, who starved to death?”
“I do! How can you forget that story?”
“Then any of you ladies here want to starve to death like Old Lady Cuu?”
“No, a hundred times no. We are women with brains like grapefruit who can’t see farther than two handspans, but we are not that stupid.”
“Old Lady Cuu was not stupid. Her husband died when she was twenty-nine, leaving a thatch house and broken wall. All by herself she went up and down to the fields, made charcoal, gathered wood, and raised bees to gain a living. Someone so enterprising cannot be stupid. Her problem was she loved her child too much, trusted her child too much, when, in return, the child did not love his mother. He listened only to his wife, was completely dominated by her, and let his mother die of starvation.”
“Why didn’t she let it get out so that everyone could know the facts right from the start?”
“That was the problem! Because she loved her child too much…because she already had told everybody that her son was the best in the world, intelligent, filial; then when the situation got nasty, debased, and shameful, she dared not open her mouth but clenched her teeth, bit her tongue, and died. You must have realized that the old lady had done right by the saying ‘To cover the jar of smelly fermented fish,’ haven’t you?”
“Yeah, yeah…I only think of it now.”
“I am not going to be that stupid.”
The wife of the henpecked guy spoke up: “Whether or not we think about it, we must learn that tears always fall down, not up. When a mother gives money to her child, the child is as happy as a lark. Whenever children give money to their mother, their faces look sad and their brows frown; their hearts hurt as if cut. That is why I keep telling my husband that in life we must worry for the children, but, above all, we must take care of ourselves. I dare not open my mouth to wait for the fruit, or hold out both my hands waiting for a filial heart. I keep my money securely in my purse. When we get sick, we slowly open our purse to pull some money out.”
“Man, are you fortunate to have a wife who knows how to plan ahead.”
“A child who cares for you is not equal to the wife who cares for you. Once husband and wife, when you go down to the ocean to catch crabs, or climb a mountain to pick leaves, you must have glue in your commitment.”
“That is right! No one wants to be suspicious, but with a son you get the daughter-in-law; with a daughter you get the son-in-law. Those outsiders invade your home. Good ones are rare and bad ones are a dime a dozen.”
“Now I want to go back to Mr. Quang’s family situation: Do you find that the way Mr. Quang tells all the family secrets so openly is stupid or smart?”
“I think it was one hundred percent stupid. What is not asked about should not be told. Besides, his wife is dead. One should not spill secrets of the departed.”
“Neither smart nor stupid! Something that had to be done. Because the son first started the fight.”
“Right, when pushed into a corner, things happen against your will. He’s not at all happy to have to tell all those things.”
“I am not close to that family, but I am in-laws with Mr. Quang’s youngest brother. He tells me that even when Quy was still young, Mr. Quang told the brothers that later in life he did not expect ever to rely on his firstborn son. But he would fulfill all the responsibilities of a father to ensure a good future for his child. Everyone saw that Mr. Quang had done exactly as he had said. It was Quy who quit forestry high school to return to the village and work in the fields while his father looked for every way to help him study more.”
“Not only forestry high school; before that he managed to get the boy in the school of metal weaponry, but that kid could not study. That brain is impenetrable; even if you took a metal rod to smash words into his head, nothing would enter.”
“Besides, he is pretty snotty and full of sneaky maneuvers.”
“Sneaky maneuvers are one thing, being intelligent is another. Like thorny eggplant and cabbage — how can you mix them together?”
“Yeah, the father shines brightly; so why is the son so bad-looking? He resembles the mother but is not as fresh and pretty as she was. It’s really odd; the same features as Master Quynh, who is so good-looking while the brother really is unattractive — shrimpy body and deep-set eyes. Looking into his eyes is like looking down a dark ravine — you don’t know where to step.”
“People say that with eyes like that your heart is really dangerous. But if you are dangerous, go punch and kick passersby. Why turn back to hit your own father?”
“Yes, I am wondering the same thing. Even a blind person in the village knows that since Quy’s birth, Mr. Quang was the one who took complete care of him; from his education, to his marriage, to building a house, buying clothes and stuff. He not only took care of his son, he also helped all the grandkids, male and female.”
“He makes tons of money.”
“He has money but is stingy and tight; don’t expect him to pull cash out of his pocket.”
“He helps others, so why should he ignore his children? But I think that Quy relies on being the oldest when, according to tradition, the oldest has the right to inherit because he has to take care of funerals for the parents. After the parents pass away, he has to worry about marrying off his siblings. ‘The brother takes over from the father’…this phrase from many generations.”
“You take over from the father only after he dies. But Mr. Quang is still very much alive, straight like a post; next to his son he is ten times better-looking…talking about replacing the father is premature.”
“Yes, that’s the main issue!”
Slowly enunciating each word as if he were a village teacher, the henpecked one spoke as if he were reading the conclusion of an essay:
“The son calculates the scenario that the father will die so he has to rely on him, to see who will wear the mourning cloth, who will hold the stick and roll on the streets, who will summon the horns and the drums, who will order food for the soul; then after the funeral comes the forty-ninth day’s offering; after the forty-ninth day comes the fifty-third day, to invite the soul to the temple for prayers; then comes the first anniversary, the second one, and the third one; then comes the cleaning of the bones to put them in the terra-cotta urn; after that a permanent grave will have to be built. All the customs for the dead are too complicated. Everybody worries that after death the children will ignore them. Therefore, one has to swallow the bitter pill to please them. Because of that fear of being left to become a hungry ghost, people are willing to salt their faces to ignore the corruption, disgrace, in the family. Relations between parents and children are often a show for the village and neighbors to see. It’s rare to see through to the reality; it’s rare to see it exposed sincerely. That is why we have this proverb: ‘When she was alive, you didn’t feed your mother; when dead, you gave an oration to the flies.’