“These new villas, they have private elevators right down to the casino floor, and private hostesses who spoon-feed you caviar and wipe your ass with silk. I’ll make sure they all have pictures of my ex, with orders to shoot on sight.” A simple man, Bobby, with a simple plan.
Latin Mike’s vision of his golden years was also straightforward, if less gilded: he wanted off the grid. “A thousand acres in the high desert. I put up a wind turbine, solar cells, and a tall motherfucking fence. I have a few horses, maybe a goat, and nobody needs to send me a Christmas card.”
Ray-Ray had a second career in mind-a ski school in British Columbia, with a bar attached. “I’ll run the tourist babes up and down the mountain all day, and at night I’ll ply their sore little bods with alcohol.”
And Dennis dreamed of setting up a venture capital shop on Sand Hill Road and financing the next Google. Bobby always laughed at that. “You’re a fucking pure breed, Denny; you’re geek to the bone.”
Carr didn’t play the game, and neither did Valerie. He would simply shake his head when his turn came around; she chose deflection.
“I’m falling off the map, boys,” she said, the last time Bobby tried to goad her into it. “Over the edge, like those ships when the world was flat.”
Bobby laughed. “C’mon, Vee-that’s not how you play.”
“Fuck you-you think I want you guys showing up on my doorstep, looking to borrow money?”
Of all of them, Declan liked the game best, and he was best at it. It called to some Celtic storytelling gene in him, and he would spin elaborate yarns about his retirement by the sea. Over the years he’d had several shores in mind: Hoi An, in Vietnam, and Hua Hin, in Thailand, La Barra, in Uruguay, was a favorite for a long while. He would talk about them at length and in detail-the weather, the waters, the cuisines, and local real estate markets. Carr remembers him hunched over binoculars, waxing poetic about asado and fish empanadas, while the smell of his cigar filled the van.
“Yer young now, but you’ll see, when yer all wizened bastards like me, you won’t want to be working or whoring or-forgive me, Mike-roasting in the feckin’ desert. You’ll want a cottage by the sea, I’m telling ya, and a boat, and maybe a garden with a fruit tree. And who knows, but maybe you’ll want to do some breeding yerselves. Me, I’m hoping the local publican has a daughter of marrying age, or maybe the baker-a homely but grateful girl. That’s the ticket, lads.” The gravel whisper went on and on about the meals he’d cook, the wine he’d drink, the darts he’d play, and the dog he would buy.
Carr rubs his eyes and sits up in bed. “I thought you didn’t like that game,” he says.
“I didn’t,” Valerie says, “when it was just a game. Now it’s less abstract. Come on-you show me yours…”
Carr shakes his head. “I have nothing to show. I haven’t given much thought to afterward.”
Valerie sighs and settles herself again, her cheek on his thigh. “Bobby said you were talking to him about Mendoza. Asking about what happened again.”
“And?”
“And it worries him.”
“Worries him how?”
“He thinks you’re picking at something, and he doesn’t know what. He’s worried you’re taking your eye off the ball.”
“Screw him. He should keep his mind on his own goddamn job, and let me take care of mine.”
“He says you feel guilty.”
“Bobby’s a psychiatrist now? That’s a sure sign of the apocalypse.”
“I don’t like what happened down there either. It was a waste, and I was as broken up about it as anybody-but I don’t feel guilty.”
Carr shakes his head. “No offense, Vee, but I’m not sure you’re the best yardstick.”
Valerie sits up and pulls a sheet over her breasts. “If I wasn’t such a cold-hearted bitch, I might take offense at that,” she says with a bitter laugh. “Maybe I didn’t know those guys as long as you, but I trusted them with my life more times than I can count. I trusted them to back me up, and they didn’t disappoint. Not ever. Ray was like a kid brother, for chrissakes, and Deke…”
She looks at the ceiling and breathes deeply-once, twice-to steady her voice. “We told Deke what we thought about that job-you and me both. We said everything there was to say about the planning, the intel, the risks-everything and then some. Maybe you remember, he was pretty pissed at us when he left. I thought the two of you were going to come to blows. You tell me, what else were we supposed to do?”
Carr shrugs. “We should’ve been more convincing.”
“Right-’cause Deke was always so open to suggestions.”
“He listened to me.”
“He listened when he felt like it, but he didn’t listen then. And really, how many ways can you say bad idea and stupid fucking plan? I think we tried them all.”
Carr runs a hand through his hair. “Maybe it wasn’t just the plan that was bad. Maybe something else was going on.”
Valerie sits up and looks at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Carr shrugs again, and Valerie’s hand is on his biceps. “ Something else like what?”
“I don’t know. Bertolli might’ve gotten wind of something.”
Valerie shakes her head. “Are you for real with this? What was Bertolli going to get wind of? The only guy as insane about operational security as you are was Declan. You really think he got sloppy with that?”
“Maybe somebody got sloppy for him.”
“You’re not serious with this paranoid shit, are you? You think Bobby or Mike dimed him out? Or maybe you think it was me?” She slides her palm up his arm, over his shoulder, to his neck. The smell of honeysuckle is strong. Her voice softens. “Guilt does that, you know-it makes you paranoid. You feel bad, you feel responsible, so you feel like there’s a bill coming due. Then you’re looking over your shoulder every other minute, waiting for it to arrive. Paranoid.”
Carr rolls away from her, out of bed, and goes into the bathroom. He turns the water tap, drinks from a cupped hand, and looks in the mirror. The angular face, the cropped black hair, disheveled now, his mother’s hazel eyes, smudged with fatigue, the wiry frame, the white sketch marks of scars here and there, are somehow unfamiliar to him-pieces he can’t assemble into a working whole. He stands in the bathroom doorway. Valerie is sitting cross-legged, the sheet down around her waist.
“Our being down there wouldn’t have changed anything,” she says, “except maybe we’d be dead on the side of a road too. So we were someplace else-so what?”
“I know where we were,” Carr says, his voice rising suddenly above the drone of the air conditioner. “I know what we were doing.”
Valerie laughs, and there’s a note of satisfaction in it-a long-held theory finally confirmed. Jill’s twang reappears in her voice. “So you feel bad about that too-that we were in St. Barts, fucking, while it was going on. You sure you weren’t raised Catholic, or maybe Jewish? ’Cause, baby boy, you got the guilt down cold.”
“You and Bobby can talk it out in your next session. Compare notes.”
“That might be deep water for Bobby,” Valerie says, and throws off her sheet. She pushes past Carr into the bathroom and runs the shower.
Carr watches as she steps in-the muscles in her back, her brown ass, her skin flawless but for the ragged-edged dime on her scapula. “Why the hell are you talking to Bobby about this anyway?” he says.
Valerie works her fingers through her water-darkened hair. “I thought you wanted me to-that you wanted my help with these guys. To take their temperature-make sure their heads were on right. I thought we both wanted this job over and done with, and done right. Then, if you want, we can work out that guilt and whatever other little bugs are crawling around your head. We could have ourselves some fun afterward.”
Valerie builds a creamy lather on her arms and breasts and belly. She beckons to Carr, and through the scrim of water and curling steam her smile is bright.