My mood changes in an instant. Here I am trying to figure this girl out, get to know her and she’s bringing up the rumors floating around about me. I finish my coffee and signal for the check. I can’t change her mind, and I honestly think she’s okay with that. I have a game to prepare for, a title to win.
“I’d offer you a ride, but you’re going to tell me no or ignore me so… I guess I’ll see you at the game or something.” I throw down some money and leave her sitting at the table. I don’t look back to see if she’s watching me walk away, or getting up to chase after me. I already know she’s not. I have the feeling she met with me out of obligation and that’s it, just to appease me. And I don’t need those kinds of people in my life.
It sucks because I think she’s hot and she definitely causes a reaction, but so will the next one, and the one after that. Besides, with the road trip coming up, there will be plenty of opportunities to take out my frustrations.
As I drive toward the ballpark, hours before I’m due to be there, I think about the almost kiss last night. I’m not stupid enough to read into things, she felt something and whatever happened after we parted last night has changed her mind. When I had her in the clubhouse, she was in her own world, getting lost in the memorabilia that we keep in there. I was able to do that for her, and that brought something out in her. I guess it just wasn’t enough. It’s not like I was asking for a commitment or professing my love; I was just hoping to hang out and see where things go. No pressure.
My phone starts beeping and I reach for it, even though we’re in a hands free state. If it’s Daisy texting, I want to know what she has to say. Thankfully my light turns red and I’m able to check. It’s not from Daisy, but from Sarah.
Sarah Miller: 25 days / dinner with my folks?
Is this a countdown to sex?
Sarah Miller: Yes. I miss you. Work sucks. M&D say hi!
Miss you too. See you in 25
Daisy’s name is right below Sarah’s. It’s funny, here I am trying to put the moves on Daisy and my ex is texting about hooking up when I get to town. My relationship with Sarah is the one thing the BoRe Blogger doesn’t know about, and hopefully never will. I don’t know what I’d do if he found out about her and starting posting shit. Besides, I’m not the only guy on the team who has women in the towns we visit.
I think about erasing Daisy’s number. I don’t need it and will probably never use it again. Thing is though, I can’t bring myself to swipe left and hit the red delete button. And that, alone, speaks volumes.
I strike out for the third time in this game, ending the inning. I slam my bat down, breaking it in two, and throw the piece left in my hand toward the bat boy. The umpire says something, but I’m walking away from him so I can’t hear him. My batting gloves and helmet are next as I throw them toward the dugout and walk to third base. The only saving grace is that we’re winning.
The bat boy brings my glove out without saying a word to me. Usually, he has something sarcastic about the umpire to offer up after I strike out, but not today, and it’s probably for the best. My current mood is less than stellar. Not only did my morning not go as planned, but as the guys started showing up so did the razzing. I get it. I do the same thing when one of the guys hooks-up. It just sucked that it was over before it even started. Everyone had a comment about Daisy and each one pissed me off more than the last. I know we’re family, but sometimes shit goes too far.
During warm-ups, I positioned myself so I could watch for her to come down the stairs to her seat. When she finally appeared, I changed positions and kept my back to her. Part of me was hoping she’d bring someone with her to show me she’s with someone and it’s not just that she’s not interested in me. But, as always, she showed up alone, wearing the same hat, with her long hair in a braid, and her bag crossed over the shoulder of her white and black Renegades shirt. I didn’t want to see her looking for me, or catch me looking at her. I haven’t looked over once since she arrived. I refuse to acknowledge her. It’s petty, but my damn feelings are hurt because she thinks the rumors she’s read about me are true. She didn’t even try to get to know me to form her own opinion, just went straight to what she’s been led to believe by people who know me about as much as she does.
“I think someone is trying to get your attention.” Easton Bennett, phenomenal short-stop for my beloved Renegades, motions toward the stands. He’s standing next to me as we take practice grounders while our closer, Kenjiro Tomita, warms-up.
“Eh, she’s just another fan,” I say, shrugging it off as if she’s no big deal. In the grand scheme of things, she’s not. I shouldn’t care about what happened this morning, but I do. I had hoped she and I could have a good time together. That’s what I get for thinking.
“Hit it and quit it already?” He bends to field the ball and does some twisty shit to get it back to first basemen, Kayden Cross.
“Not even close.” I field the ball and send it back to first. “I think I came on too strong and scared her away.”
“I’d say she probably wants a second chance.” Bennett walks over to his spot on the field and pushes the dirt around where he’s going to stand. I’m tempted to look over at her, but it’s not worth the aggravation.
I want to get this game finished and get on the plane. Three days in Florida will be welcome reprieve from the cold weather. I’m ready for the sun, the sand and plenty of women. I think that’s what I need, someone to get my mind off the little mind fuckery I was trying to play on it last night and this morning. Thinking that I could get to know a fan was a momentary lapse of judgment and something I’ll never do again. I’m better at the no name ladies that like to pay attention to me. It’s better that way. They know what they want and how to get it – and most don’t ask a lot of questions. Plus, I’m usually drunker than shit.
The top of the ninth gets underway and just like that; Tomita has two batters already sitting down. I raise two fingers in the air for the outfielders even though all they have to do is turn around and look at the scoreboard to see the outs. It’s a practice from little league through high school and college. It makes me feel better knowing I told my teammates, just in case.
There’s one batter left and then we’re on the road for six days. After Tampa Bay, we’re heading to Baltimore to face the Orioles again. Hopefully we fair better than the two and two we did for this home stand. A sweep would be nice.
The last pitch is sent toward home; it’s a swing and miss, with another broken bat. I feel his frustration. We meet at the pitcher’s mound, raise our hats and start tapping each other’s in a sign of solidarity in our win. Most of us wave to the crowd, as I usually do after the game, but not today, especially not toward my favorite side of the field.
I’m the first one off the field and quickly make my way to the clubhouse. As usual, the reporters call my name but after today’s performance, even if I were allowed to talk, I’d have nothing to say. I played like shit. I let a chick get in my head and distract me from my game and that can’t happen. Even back when Sarah and I broke up, I was focused. I have to be focused at all times because at any given moment my name could be on the waiver wire. I don’t want to give General Manager Stone any reason to trade me.
As soon as I’m in the clubhouse, my gear is coming off. My hat and glove are the first, followed by my dirt filled cleats. My mother used to make me undress in the garage when I was younger, saying her house isn’t a locker room. I never understood it until I got to high school and had a locker room to change in. After the first time I took off my cleats and dirt piled up in front of my door, I was thankful I didn’t have to clean up the mess.