“Maybe me, too. Let’s see about movin him off your stairs.”
IN THE PICTURES, gangsters spray bullets and the victims shut their eyes and fall asleep. Killing isn’t like that, of course. I found that out pretty young. But killing someone in your house is different from doing it on a battlefield. On the battlefield, you might have to throw a body into a shell hole, or hide behind one, or share a trench with one until the shelling stops, but that’s it. When it happens in your house, you have to clean it up. All of it. And then you have to keep living there.
It was a huge, awful fucking mess. Endless pieces of bone and tissue on everything, endless pumping at the well. I scrubbed the walls and floor until my hand and arm were numb, except for the hot pain where the flash had burned the back of my hand raw.
But the floors and walls.
I thought the sponge would run pink forever.
When that was finally done and the sheriff and Lester came by for the dead man, I drove into town to get supplies. Estel gave me the keys to the hardware store and told me to take what I needed and not to worry about paying.
As I drove, I passed the carpenter’s house and saw him hammering in his open work shed. The whole town could hear it. Everyone knew it was for caskets.
When I got back home, I was grateful to do a different kind of work. It was easier to strip burned wallpaper and board up windows and dig warped nickels out of the wall than to do what I had done before. And it was better to work than to sit and think.
Between tasks I saw to my wife. Once the downstairs was clean, I sat her pillow-propped on the couch and fixed the bed, then carried her back upstairs warm and dreaming in my arms.
Anna Muncie, the teacher of the younger grades, came over with cookies for Dora. Anna’s face was swollen from crying. Dora did not have much appetite nor did she speak much, but Anna sat with her while I worked and then near dusk she made a dinner that she herself ate most of.
When it was time for bed, I left a candle burning in a glass bowl and I set my pistol on the nightstand. Dora slept quickly. I watched her breathing for several hours before I, too, succumbed and entered yet another troubled sleep.
I DREAMED ABOUT the trench fight, only this time when the German boy ate my fingers sitting in the mud with me, he then ate my hand up to the wrist, got up and left me in the mud. Soon stretcher bearers fetched me, all suited up in gas masks, and hauled me to Chicago, on Halstead, I think, near a manhole that was also like the door to an oven. It was Hell. They wanted me to jump in since it was against the rules for them to push me. I refused. They explained that they had no place else to go and they were quite willing to wait. I remember the fire reflected in the eye plates of the mask. I remember the heat from the open hole.
It was from this stalemate that I awakened and found the sheets damp.
Dora was as hot as a brazier.
“Dora?”
She moved her face back and forth a little. I held my hand to her forehead and frowned.
“Eudora.”
She made a small noise in her throat and then opened her eyes halfway.
I gave her water to drink. I made her take aspirin. Three of them. I put damp towels on her head and neck and she warmed them up so fast I spent half an hour doing nothing but wringing and replacing and fetching more cool water in a pan. Through all of this, she watched me with moist, cloudy eyes. Moonlight lit her face and she looked so beautiful I was afraid she was about to die, like in some painting of a saint’s death.
“Honey, how are you feeling?”
“Foggy. Froggy. Not good. Heel itches.”
I sat up and watched over her while she slept the night through. When I finally began dozing, it was not yet light, but somebody’s roosters had started anyway.
That morning I sent for Dr. McElroy, who put a thermometer in her mouth, then hissed when he read it. He offered to ring the hospital to tell them she was coming, but she sat up in bed and refused.
“Mrs. Nichols, your temperature is so high I’m surprised you’re lucid.”
“I heard what was said about that hospital. I’m not going.”
“How do you feel?”
“Bad. But not as if I’m going to die.”
“Light-headed.”
“Yes. Exactly what was my temperature?”
“Maybe I got a bad reading. I’m going to take it again.”
He did.
“Well?”
He paused before he spoke.
“You may not feel that poorly, but I believe that you may die.”
“Then I’m not going to do it in a hospital.”
“That hospital being what it is, I am disinclined to argue. I’ll do what I can for you and pray about the rest. Let me change the dressing and get a look at that heel. With this much fever, I’m sure it’s gone septic.”
When he had the heel unwrapped, Dr. McElroy held it in one hand and blinked at it. He picked up Dora’s other foot and looked at it. Then he blinked at the first heel again.
“Did I dress the right heel? Of course I did. Where the hell is it?”
“What, Doctor?”
“The wound.”
THE MOVERS CAME that day. I had forgotten all about them. Instead of the broad-faced jovial black man and his smaller colleague, the company sent two humorless white men.
“We’ve had some bad luck,” I said.
Neither of them spoke.
“My wife is taken ill. She can’t be moved. We’ll need to reschedule.”
“You should have called.”
“I know. I’ve been upset.”
“Sorry about your luck.”
“Thanks,” I said.
Then he handed me the bill for the move that hadn’t happened.
I took it and got my checkbook.
“Is John still working for your company?”
“John?”
“Or maybe James.”
“Jimmy? Big, black guy?”
“Yes.”
“In jail.”
“What…”
“I dunno, mister. I don’t really know the guy.”
“Hit his wife with a crowbar,” the other guy said. “Paralyzed her.”
I wrote the check.
I WAS ONLY peripherally aware of the events that occurred in Whitbrow during the next few days, the days of Eudora’s fevers. I did not go out to see what was barking when Old Man Gordeau used his new dogs to find what was left of Mrs. Noble, nor did I attend her funeral. I saw a mule-drawn cart full of furniture bump its way up the road, but I did not care who was leaving. My wife was my only business.
She stayed mostly in bed at first, weak and glowing like a coal, sleeping sometimes eighteen hours in a day. It was getting cooler. I saw to the opening and closing of the bedroom windows to keep her from stifling at midday or catching chills at night. When a hailstorm hit and raked the leaves and knocked shingles from the roof, I sat with her and read to her while she drank the tea I’d brewed. I took walks near the house and kept her room full of flowers. My best find was a patch of sunflowers near the end of their season, and when she saw me enter the room with a bundle of them, her smile turned my insides into a powder that shifted in me the way dunes shift.
At first she did not eat and it was all I could do to keep tea or water moving through her, but then her appetite came back, slowly at first and then with a startling urgency. I went to the general store and the butcher’s almost every day. She drank water by the pitcher. She craved organ meat so I fried chicken livers and gizzards or beef liver when I could get it. She asked for soup with beef joints for stock, and she gnawed on these when the bowl was empty. Hal the butcher saw so much of me that he asked me if I were breeding greyhounds.
Dora got stronger.
She took longer and longer walks during which I held her elbow. Although no sign remained of the bite on her heel, she complained of pain in that foot and leg reaching all the way to her hip.