The Emperor read the memorial and passed it to his Prime Minister, who duly summoned Mi Heng. He came, but after his formal salutations were over, he was left standing and not invited to sit down. Looking up to heaven, he sighed deeply, saying, “Wide as is the universe, it cannot produce the person.”
“Under my orders are scores of people whom the world call heroes. What do you mean by saying there is not the person,” said Cao Cao.
“I should be glad to hear who they are,” said Mi Heng.
“Xun Yu, Xun You, Guo Jia, and Cheng Yu are all people of profound skill and long views, superior to Xiao He and Chen Ping. Zhang Liao, Xu Chu, Li Dian, and Yue Jin are bravest of the brave, better than Cen Peng and Ma Wu. Lu Qian and Man Chong are my secretaries; Yu Jin and Xu Huang are my van leaders; Xiahou Dun is one of the world's marvels, Cao Ren is the most successful leader of the age. Now say you there are not the people?”
“Sir, you are quite mistaken,” said Mi Heng with a smile. “I know all these things you call people. Xun Yu is qualified to pose at a funeral or ask after a sick man; Xun You is fit to be a tomb guardian; Cheng Yu might be sent to shut doors and bolt windows; and Guo Jia is a reciter of poems; Zhang Liao might beat drums and clang gongs; Xu Chu might lead cattle to pasture; Yue Jin would make a fair reader of elegy; Li Dian could carry dispatches and notices; Lu Qian would be a fair armorer; Man Chong could be sent to drink wine and eat brewers' grains; Yu Jin might be of use to carry planks and build walls; Xu Huang might be employed to kill pigs and slay dogs; Xiahou Dun should be styled 'Whole Body General,' and Cao Ren should be called 'Money-grubbing Governor.' As for the remainder, they are mere clothes shelves, rice sacks, wine vases, flesh bags.”
“And what special gifts have you?” said Cao Cao angrily.
“I know everything in heaven above and the earth beneath. I am conversant with the Three Religions and the Nine Systems of Philosophy. I could make my prince the rival of Kings Yao and Shun ((two ideal kings)), and I myself could compare in virtue with Confucius and Mencius ((two great philosophers)). Can I discuss on even terms with common people?”
Now Zhang Liao was present, and he raised his sword to strike down the impudent visitor who spoke thus to his master, but Cao Cao said, “I want another drummer boy to play on occasions of congratulation in the court. I will confer this office upon him.”
Instead of indignantly declining this, Mi Heng accepted the position and went out.
“He spoke very impertinently;” said Zhang Liao, “why did you not put him to death?”
“He has something of a reputation; empty, but people have heard of him and so, if I put him to death, they would say I was intolerant. As he thinks he has ability, I have made him a drummer to mortify him.”
Soon after Cao Cao instituted a banquet in the capital at which the guests were many. The drums were to be played, and the old drummers were ordered to wear new clothes. But the new drummer Mi Heng took his place with the other musicians clad in old and worn garments. The piece chosen was the “Tolling of Yuyang,” and from the earliest taps on the drum the effect was exquisite, profound as the notes from metal and stone.
The performance stirred deeply the emotions of every guest; some even shed tears. Seeing all eyes turned on the shabby performer, the attendants said, “Why did you not put on your new uniform?”
Mi Heng turned to them, slipped off his frayed and torn robe and stood there in full view, naked as he was born. The assembled guests covered their faces. Then the drummer composedly drew on his nether garments.
“Why do you behave so rudely at court?” said Cao Cao.
“To flout one's prince and insult one's superiors is the real rudeness,” cried Mi Heng. “I bare my natural body as an emblem of my purity.”
“So you are pure! And who is foul?”
“You do not distinguish between the wise and the foolish, which is to have foul vision. You have never read the Odes or the Histories, which is to have foul speech. You are deaf to honest words, which is to have foul ears. You are unable to reconcile antiquity with today, which is to be foul without. You cannot tolerate the nobles, which is to be foul within. You harbor thoughts of rebellion, which is to have a foul heart. I am one of the most famous scholars in the empire, and you make me a drummer boy, that is as Yang Huo belittling Confucius or Zang Cang vilifying Mencius. You desire to be chief and arbitrator of the great nobles, yet you treat me thus!”
Now Kong Rong who had recommended Mi Heng for employment was among the guests, and he feared for the life of his friend. Wherefore he tried to calm the storm.
“Mi Heng is only guilty of a misdemeanor like Fu Yue',” cried Kong Rong. “He is not a man likely to disturb your dreams, Illustrious Sir.”
Pointing to Mi Heng, the Prime Minister said, “I will send you to Jingzhou as my messenger; and if Liu Biao surrender to me, I will give you a post at court.”
But Mi Heng was unwilling to go. So Cao Cao bade two of his men prepare three horses, and they set Mi Heng on the middle one and dragged him along the road between them.
It is also related that a great number of officers of all ranks assembled at the East Fritillary Gate to see the messenger start.
Xun Yu said, “When Mi Heng comes, we will not rise to salute him.”
So when Mi Heng came, dismounted, and entered the waiting room, they all sat stiff and silent. Mi Heng uttered a loud cry.
“What is that for?” said Xun Yu. “Should not one cry out when one enters a coffin?” said Mi Heng.
“We may be corpses,” shouted they altogether, “but you are a wandering headless ghost.”
“I am a minister of Han and not a partisan of Cao Cao's,” cried Mi Heng. “You cannot say I have no head.”
They were angry enough to kill him, but Xun Yu checked them, saying, “He is a paltry fellow; it is not worth soiling your blades with his blood.”
“I am paltry, and yet I have the soul of a man, and you are mere worms,” said Mi Heng.
They went their ways, all very angry. Mi Heng went on his journey and presently reached Jingzhou, where he saw Liu Biao. After that, under pretense of extolling Liu Biao's virtue, he lampooned Liu Biao who was annoyed and sent him to Jiangxia to see Huang Zu.
“Why did you not put the fellow to death for lampooning you?” said one to Liu Biao.
“You see he shamed Cao Cao, but Cao Cao did not kill him as Cao Cao feared to lose popular favor. So Cao Cao sent him to me, thinking to borrow my hand to slay him and so suffer the loss of my good name. I have sent him on to Huang Zu to let Cao Cao see that I understood.”
Liu Biao's clever caution met with general praise. At that time a messenger from Yuan Shao was also there with certain proposals for an alliance, and it was necessary to decide which aide to espouse. All the advisers came together to consider the question.
Then Commander Han Song said, “As you have now two offers, you can please yourself and choose your own way to destroy your enemies; for if one refuses, you can follow the other. Now Cao Cao is an able general and has many capable officers in his train. It looks as though he may destroy Yuan Shao and then move his armies across the river. I fear, my lord, you would be unable then to withstand him. That being so it would be wise to support Cao Cao, who will treat you with respect.”
Liu Biao replied, “You go to the capital and see how things tend. That will help me to decide.”
Han Song said, “The positions of master and servant are clearly defined. Now I am your man prepared to go all lengths for you and obey you to the last, whether in serving the Emperor or in following Cao Cao. But lest there should be any doubt you must remember that if the Emperor gives me any office, then I shall become his servant and shall not be ready to face death for you.”