shoulder.
“I do.”
“Not yet,” she joked. “We’re moving fast, but not that fast.”
“No,” I agreed. “But I don’t think we’re moving that fast. Besides, it took us a while—”
“It took you a while.”
“Fair enough. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted. But I’m glad I did.”
“Me too.” She sighed and leaned back against my chest. I cupped her breasts and squeezed her nipples, which made her wince. “Be gentle. They’re still a little tender.”
“Ah, right. Sorry.”
“I like it when you squeeze them, but you have to give them time to recover after you abuse them.”
“Got it.”
I wrapped my arms around her instead and then kissed the top of her head. She crossed her arms over mine, and we sat in silence for several minutes, until I looked out the window.
“It’s snowing.”
“Has been for a while,” she said. “Should be nice powder in the morning.”
“I hope Trip and Wren don’t have trouble getting here.”
“They shouldn’t. They keep the roads pretty clear, unless it’s a blizzard.”
She drank and then studied the light through the cut crystal. “I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately.”
“Wren?”
“Yeah. She really wants me to go all the way with you. I mean, it’s a full marketing campaign with her. So I started thinking about why. I mean, what does she get out of it? That’s when I realized you must’ve gone all the way.”
“Ah.”
“You probably know this already, but we tell each other everything. So I knew all about what you two had done… until last summer. Something was different between you, and she didn’t tell me about it.” She glanced back at me. “It just took me a while to understand what.”
“That’s something I don’t give you enough credit for,” I said. “You watch everything. And you figure out stuff on your own.”
“I try to. Sometimes it takes a while. And some things still don’t make
sense.”
“Oh? Anything I can clear up?”
“You can tell me all the things you’re holding back,” she suggested. “No, don’t. I don’t think I’m ready yet. I… have to get there on my own.” She chuckled at a thought. “My mom says I’m the most stubborn of all of us.”
“You probably are. You’re just like her, too, so you probably clashed.”
“We didn’t really. She’s… the exact opposite of Wren. She’s totally subtle. Not in a bad way, though. She has this… I dunno what to call it.”
“Soft power.”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
“You’re the same,” I told her.
“I am not!”
“Oh yes you are. I can’t tell you how hard I had to resist when we were first dating. Every time you hinted or suggested or tried to get me to do something without saying so.”
“Is that why you make me ask for things?”
“Part of it. I don’t want you to feel guilty after—”
“Like Kendall.”
“Right. And I don’t mind you hinting and being subtle, but I want you to understand the difference between getting what you want and having it given to you.”
“You know,” she mused, “before I met you, I would’ve said those’re the same. But now I think I see what you mean. My mom gets what she wants, and she knows what she’s doing.”
I nodded.
“And if you’re right, and I do the same thing—but without realizing it—I never have to make a decision or take responsibility. That’s what you said bugged you about Kendall.”
“Exactly.” I had to suppress a chuckle as she swirled the ice and whiskey in her glass, the same way her father did when he was thinking.
“I’m glad you make me do it,” she said eventually. “It’s good for me.”
“I think so.”
“You still drive me crazy sometimes, and not in a good way.”
“Comes with the territory.”
“That’s what Marianne said, that marriage is a lot of compromises.
Something might bug you, but you live with it, ’cause there’s more you like than you don’t.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“And there are a million things I like about you, but only a few I don’t.
So… I compromise.”
“Same with me.”
“I still hate that you hide things from me, but I know you’ll tell me everything… eventually. It’s okay, though.” She gave me a sly look. “I have my secrets too.”
I totally took the bait. “Oh? Like what?”
“Like… I know that Trip must be like you and Wren. No way you’d’ve gone behind his back to sleep with her.”
“Um, no,” I said dryly.
“So he knew. Also, that comment you made about the size of his penis.”
She grinned back at me. “Bigger than a pencil. And it wasn’t like you’d seen it soft at camp or something. So… if I had to guess, you both slept with her.
Like, at the same time.”
“Well, we weren’t really sleeping.”
“Ha ha. You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do. And you’re right.” I studied her reaction as I said, “It doesn’t bother you?”
“What? Wren sleeping with two guys at once? No, why should it?” She rested her hand on her stomach for a moment and then sat bolt upright. “Hold on!” She turned to face me. “Do you mean what I think you do? You want me to…?” She gulped. “Do it…? With both of you?”
I gazed at her calmly.
“No! Absolutely not,” she said. “Never in a million years.”
I almost asked if she were trying to convince me or herself, but I kept my mouth shut.
“That’s… immoral! Outside the bonds of marriage. Totally out of the question. I can’t believe you’d even ask me.” She took a long drink to steady her nerves.
“I didn’t.” Not technically.
“Of course you—!” She replayed the conversation and realized I was right. She took another long drink of whiskey. “Oh my gosh. I thought you were asking me to… you know.” She went to take another drink and realized her glass was empty, so I handed her mine. She winced at the watered-down flavor, but drained it anyway. “Don’t scare me like that,” she said as the alcohol finally began to steady her.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” But I planted the seed.
She nodded and finally began to relax. She’d come a long way since Halloween, but she still had plenty of Catholic guilt to overcome. I poured the last of the whiskey into our glasses, a splash each.
“Come here, Little Bit.” I guided her into my lap and turned her to face me. “Spread your legs. Straddle my hips.”
“It feels weird sitting like this,” she said. “Unladylike. Totally exposed.
Especially with no hair down there to hide anything.”
“I know. That’s why I want you here.” I handed her a glass and picked up my own. “Sláinte.”
“Sláinte.” She tossed it back and then eyed me. “Are you trying to get me drunk?”
“Not a chance.”
“I think you’re lying.”
“Okay, you caught me. I want to get you drunk and take advantage of you.”
“You don’t need to get me drunk for that. You can do it any time you want. Not do it, but you know what I mean.”
“Yeah. But before I do, I need to tell you something.”
Her brow furrowed at my serious tone.
I took her empty glass and set it aside, followed by my own. Then I tilted her face up and kissed her, tender but lingering.
“I love you,” I said quietly. “I love learning about your past. I love telling you about mine. But mostly I love how we’re both changing and growing together.”
She nodded and crossed her arms behind my neck.