Despite being a common medicine, it took a great deal of effort to acquire them. She made some new friends, whom she called older sister or aunt, and after four or five days, she got what she needed. Her mind was finally at ease that morning when she went to work and took the pill bottle with her. She sneaked into the public toilet, where she dumped a handful of the pills out of the bottle and tossed them into her mouth. Denied water to help her swallow them, she had to chew the pills, crunching away as if she were eating fried broad beans; tears welled up in her eyes from the bitterness. She forced the pieces down, which filled her with assurance and happiness before returning to sit behind the scale and carry on conversations with the other workers. The medicine began to work after about as long as it takes to smoke a cigarette. Her lips turned purple and her eyes lost their focus; her neck hung limp and lolled around like a sick chicken’s. Her mind, though, was still lucid; afraid that the others might try to send her to the hospital, she got up with a smile and walked toward the warehouse. She had to hold on to the wall when her body began to fail her and groped her way inside to climb onto sacks of grain before she passed out. Yuxiu slept till dark, during which time she had countless strange dreams. At first she dreamed that she had cut open her belly, taken out her intestines, and wound them around her neck before she began to squeeze out one of Guo Zuo’s fingers from them. She kept squeezing, producing nine fingers, which she held in her hands and said, “Guo Zuo, these are all yours. Put them on.” Guo took a look and picked one out to affix to his hand, which was missing a finger. Staring at the extra fingers in her hands, she wondered why there were eight more. Why? She didn’t know the answer. Guo Zuo just stared at her. She panicked and woke up to find him standing in front of her. Greatly relieved, she leaped with joy. “You’re back,” she said. “I dreamed about you. I just dreamed about you.” But, in fact, she was still dreaming.
Yuxiu was seriously ill for several days; as she waited for what she hoped for, she felt only half-alive. But her underwear remained clean—no sign of her problem being solved. Obviously, the quinine hadn’t worked either.
Yumi, who was also pregnant, had grown lethargic and increasingly ill-tempered, forever ordering Yuxiu around for one thing or another. Yuxiu waited on her sister attentively, but her weakened state meant that she didn’t always satisfy Yumi, who became even more demanding. Knowing she could not reveal her secret—if Yumi became suspicious, trouble was sure to follow—Yuxiu put on a happy face and did as she was told. Several times she was on the verge of collapse, but her strong will pulled her through. Her underwear, however, remained disappointingly pristine.
Even after all she’d been through, Yuxiu’s belly finally began to show. It wasn’t noticeable to others, but she could feel the bulge. What worried her most, of course, was that others might spot the difference, so to be on the safe side, she began dressing in autumn clothes as soon as October arrived. She put on a spring-and-autumn blouse she’d brazenly borrowed from Yumi, and she walked into Yumi’s bedroom and stood before the dressing mirror to examine the lower hem. Worried that it seemed to flare outward, she thrust out her chest and grabbed the hem with both hands, tugging and pulling until she was satisfied with what she saw, both from the front and from the side. But when she let go, the blouse stuck up like pouting lips. To deal with the damned thing, she stood before the mirror, twisting this way and that way for quite some time until her hands froze at the sight of Yumi, who was coolly watching her in the mirror.
Yumi had been watching Yuxiu fuss over herself with great concentration, evidently trying out flirtatious and seductive poses. She opened her mouth to say something, but then changed her mind and looked away. Yuxiu will never change. She’s barely started working, and she is already playing tricks. The little bitch simply refuses to cover her rear with her tail, preferring to stick it into the air and wag it whenever a male dog comes sniffing around. Doesn’t she know how that looks? Of all a woman’s afflictions, a flirtatious nature is the hardest to change.
Yuxiu guarded her secret well until Little Tang, a woman with keen, perceptive, all-seeing eyes, stumbled on it. At noontime one day, Yuxiu went to the public toilet as usual. She was squatting there, holding her belt—actually nothing but a cord—in her teeth when Little Tang rushed in. Yuxiu wanted to greet Little Tang but, caught off guard, she overreacted and before she could say a word, the cord fell into the pit. Tang squatted down and chatted with Yuxiu for a moment, and when she stood up, she handed her own pant cord to Yuxiu. It had little value, but the gesture meant a great deal. Yuxiu refused it out of politeness, and in the process accidentally showed her belly. She was extra careful as always and sucked her belly in the moment it was exposed. But she was too young and inexperienced to realize that she had a light brown stretch mark that ran up to her navel. The significance of that mark escaped her, but not the worldly Little Tang, who reacted with surprise. She knew at once what was hidden behind that mark and glanced quickly at Yuxiu.
That brief look of research and exploration confirmed her suspicions. Four months, give or take, and by the look of it, a boy. Little Tang laughed to herself derisively, Congratulations, Yuxiu. Then, with a sideways glance, she scolded the girl, “Why have you stopped coming to visit? You’re always so sweet, calling me ‘aunty this’ and ‘aunty that,’ but you’ve obviously forgotten all about me.”
With a solicitous smile, Yuxiu tied her pants and left with Little Tang, responding to her with pleasantries. Obviously, she thought, I’m too petty. I’ve been avoiding Little Tang all this time, and she has forgotten what happened and still considers me a friend.
It was midday the next time Yuxiu visited the accounting office. Little Tang had run into her in the dining hall and asked her to come by since Little Tang had to work on the books. Suffering from drowsiness, Yuxiu had wanted to take a nap, but she could not turn down Little Tang’s warm and insistent invitation. So she went and sat down to eat fruit candy across from Little Tang for ten or fifteen minutes until the bookkeeper finished her work. Then they began to chat, just like before, with no sign of past unhappiness. Yuxiu was sleepy but happy, and Little Tang seemed as concerned as ever about the girl. But then she abruptly stopped talking and kept quiet for a long moment before resuming earnestly, “Yuxiu, apparently we’re still not close enough. You don’t treat me like a real friend.”
The sudden change of tone confused Yuxiu, who could only blink and stare at Little Tang. “Yuxiu,” she said, going straight to the point, “if you’re in some sort of trouble, you shouldn’t hide it from me. I ask you, who besides me can help you? And who besides you would I help?”