Yuyang stole the first thing in her life on the evening Gao Honghai was carted away in the ambulance. At nine-twenty-eight, shortly before lights-out, she slipped into the dining hall unnoticed. She’d made a meticulous calculation, knowing that her timing had to be perfect—not a second too early nor a second too late. She walked bent at the waist, feeling her thumping heart ready to burst from her chest, but she managed to control herself and tiptoe over to the rack with the boys’ bowls. She looked and listened carefully to make sure no one saw her before turning on her flashlight to begin searching the rows of bowls. Finally she located Chu Tian’s enamel rice bowl, which was stenciled with the dark red English letters CHT; she had stolen so many glances at the bowl that the three letters were seared on her heart. Now for the first time it was inches away.
She grabbed Chu Tian’s stainless steel spoon and put it in her pocket, then she killed the light and ran off. When she was almost out the door, she bumped into a dining table and felt a piercing pain in her knee. But she fled the room, not daring to check her injury, and made it back to Room 412 in the girls’ dormitory just as the lights went out. All conversation stopped as soon as she walked in. Without washing up, she climbed into bed and pulled down the mosquito net before taking the spoon out of her pocket. After a momentary hesitation, she put it in her mouth and tasted the coldness of the stainless steel, which seemed to reach all the way down to the deepest recess of her body. She felt the hard steel and its smooth, curved surface, and hot tears welled up in her eyes. Her knee was also hot and burning, and was probably bleeding by now. Pulling the blanket up to cover her head, Yuyang buried her face in the pillow and sobbed so hard that the bed frame began to quake.
“What’s so funny, Yuyang?” Kong Zhaodi asked from the upper bunk. “Aren’t you going to share it with us?”
When he wasn’t busy working, Teacher Wei Xiangdong’s favorite activity was chatting up the female teachers. You might say that flirting with the female faculty had become his hobby. No one could have anticipated the trouble that would ultimately emerge from his mouth. As the saying goes, “Mistakes inevitably arise when one talks too much.” Qi Lianjuan, a chemistry teacher who had been married for two years, had never come to Wei for the “item.” But her belly remained stubbornly flat.
As someone given to vulgarity, Wei betrayed himself with his mouth one day when he cracked a joke regarding Qi. Most of the time Qi was one of the more open-minded, easygoing teachers on the faculty, but what Wei said that day upset her. His attempt at humor occurred when there were several other teachers around.
“Teacher Qi,” he said during the conversation, “it’s time for you to have a baby, don’t you think?”
He continued, “If your husband is lazy, there’s always me to help out. If not you, who else would I help?” He smiled.
If it had been one of the other teachers, she’d have punched and pinched him, but that would have only enhanced their friendship. They would be closer than ever.
But not Teacher Qi, whose face reddened slowly, culminating in a deep purple. Unable to bear the loss of face, she turned and walked off after tossing a comment at Wei. “Who do you think you are, you shameless ass?”
It was an awkward moment for everyone, especially Wei, who made a few lame excuses as the gathering broke up. Qi’s husband, the son of a ranking cadre, had stayed on at the school after graduation. He was socially inept, like a stick of chalk, a man who could manage a few words only if you pushed him; if not, nothing emerged. A lab worker with mediocre talents, he was lucky enough to marry a smart woman with a sharp tongue. After losing the verbal battle, Wei returned to his office in the student union, out of sorts.
He lit a cigarette in the duty office, but the knot in his heart still remained as Qi’s comment played itself over and over in his mind.
“Who do you think you are?”
A harmless comment, but hurtful to him, for he knew who he was. Or, more accurately, he knew who he wasn’t; he wasn’t a man or a woman. He was the conventional “third sex,” for he had been impotent for years, a fact known only to him and his wife. In a clinical sense, the affliction could be traced back to the summer of 1979. Before that, he had performed well in bed.
In fact, the bed had been his revolutionary domain, a place where he could “start a campaign” anytime he pleased, and his wife, Tan Meihua, was the target. The pained look on her face spoke volumes. All he had to do was say “Hey,” and she would spread herself on the bed, an event that was repeated every two or three days. All she asked of him was to drink less and to be gentler when he was drunk.
But for him even that little bit was too much to ask. Sex isn’t throwing a party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture, or embroidering flowers; the last thing you want is refinement, restraint, timidity, or politeness. No, sex is an insurrection, with one side triumphing over the other. Though understandably unhappy, his wife did not dare let her feelings be known. How could she talk about it with anyone? People would have called her stupid and smutty. Lucky for her the heavens were just and Wei lost his virility. He was a changed man, and she, it seemed, was a different woman, since now she could boldly say no.
Although one’s post may be little more than an empty title, it can have real consequences. As his status at school changed, so did his status at home, but the change was subtle and occurred slowly over time. In any case, his wife felt that she could now be a different person, feeling a sense of liberation that propelled her to rise above him. In turn, the subtle change in their relationship returned to take root in their bedroom dynamics. This is common among couples; what starts out in bed often ends up in bed.
The ill-fated moment came in the summer of 1979 when Wei experienced a failure, a rare occurrence. It was an alarm signal, and yet he paid little heed. That failure was the beginning of a terrible situation, for over the ensuing months his appendage rebelled and failed, and rebelled again only to fail one more time until it met with total destruction and never rose again.
It was during a winter snowfall when he comprehended the severity of the situation as that thing between his legs turned into a gentle little bird. On the outside, nothing out of the ordinary had happened in the previous two years; life wasn’t all that bad even after he had lost his official position.
In reality, however, everything changed, especially in bed. Wei was worried and puzzled. Don’t they say that one feels free with no official duties? Then why was it soft for him without those duties? Energy wasn’t the problem, and he could not figure out what had happened to him. He was, after all, someone who had seen the world and weathered many storms, so on another snowy evening he laid his cards on the table. “Why don’t we get a divorce?” he said to his wife.
She responded with unusual vigor: “Do you think those two ounces of hanging flesh are all I want from you?” She meant well, but that stung even more, since it implied that she’d given up on his “two ounces of flesh.”
But Wei did not let his dejection show. At moments like this a man must be resilient; he had to carry on and look energetic. He appeared to be more cheerful and outgoing, which was why he enjoyed chatting up the women at school. He favored topics with a sexual undertone as if that were the only way he could show he still had it and that nothing was amiss. But when he was alone, he knew he really didn’t have to wear himself out acting like that. No one would know anyway, particularly now that he no longer had extramarital affairs. Of course, he couldn’t even if he wanted to. So who would know? No loss of face there. Still, while Wei could control his thoughts, he could not keep his tongue from wagging in front of the women teachers. It felt good to talk about it even if he could no longer do it.