What about the FBI? He could contact someone in Washington, D.C., but what would he say? The story sounded insane. And the judge had those photographs, which would completely discredit him.
There was suicide, of course. Kerrigan wiped his eyes. We all die. Why not go now and save himself this pain? He'd made a mess of his life, so why not end it? The idea of escaping to the peace of death was tempting.
Then Kerrigan thought about some of the things that Grant had told him. The judge was certain that he could kill Bennett with impunity. If he did do this one terrible thing, his immediate problems would be solved and his future could be something he had never even dreamed about. At first, the suggestion that he could become a president of the United States seemed preposterous, but it did not seem so ridiculous when he examined the idea objectively.
Winning an election to the Senate was easy to imagine. He looked like a senator, he was famous and popular throughout the state. And once he was a United States senator, it was easy to imagine himself as president. Any senator was in a position to try for the highest office.
Kerrigan remembered how excited Cindy was about the prospect of his running for Travis's seat. Megan would know that her father was someone very important. So many doors would open for her. He might even win the respect of his father.
Kerrigan no longer felt the cold. He was no longer aware of where he was. It was as if he was on the border of a world far different from the one he had known his whole life. One step and he would be over that border and in a new world without limits, where he could do anything he wanted to do without fear.
The judge was right about so much he'd said. Ally Bennett was a whore--a whore with the power to ruin his life. And how was she using her power? She wanted Tim to set free an unrepentant killer. There was no way that Tim could do what she wanted anyway. That meant that Ally Bennett was going to destroy his life and make his lovely, innocent daughter go through her life carrying the burden of her father's shame.
Kerrigan looked up. The stars no longer wavered, his sight was sharper, and his mind was clearer. No longer was he asking himself if he should kill Ally Bennett. He was contemplating a new question: Could he kill Ally Bennett?
Chapter Thirty-Four.
Ben Dodson was in a good mood when he arrived at his office on Monday morning. He had a full schedule of patients, but his secretary told him that his four o'clock had canceled, which meant he'd be able to go home early. As Ben went to his filing cabinet to find the file for his first patient of the day, he noticed a slip of paper that was half hidden under his desk. He picked it up and discovered that it was a note that he had scribbled to himself about Amanda Jaffe during one of their sessions. Dodson frowned. The note should have been in Amanda's file. What was it doing on the floor?
Dodson found Amanda's file and opened it. Everything looked in order. He put the paper back in the file and replaced the folder in its proper place. He took out the file for his nine o'clock and sat down to review it. After a few minutes, he paused, distracted by thoughts of the slip of paper from Amanda's file. In his mind's eye, Dodson could see himself placing the slip in the file and replacing the file after Amanda's session. He buzzed his secretary and asked her if she had taken the file from the cabinet. She had not.
Dodson was certain that he had not reviewed Amanda's file since their last appointment, which was when he'd written the note. Amanda had come to see him on Friday. Was it possible that the paper had lain unseen under his desk all day? That had to be what happened because the only other explanation would involve someone breaking into his office.
* * *
As soon as she was at her desk on Monday, Amanda phoned the Portland Police Bureau's police report requests number. A recording told her that all requests for police reports had to be in writing, but it gave her a phone number for Records. A woman answered the phone.
"I'm Amanda Jaffe, an attorney, and I'm trying to get my hands on some old police reports from the early nineteen seventies."
"Gee, we only keep records for twenty-five years. I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have them."
"Even in a homicide case?"
"Oh, that's different. Those we don't destroy, because there's no statute of limitations."
"So, I can get them?"
"You might be able to, but I couldn't give them to you. Those reports are in a locked cabinet in a locked room. The only people who can get them are Records techs."
"Can I talk to one of them?" Amanda asked.
"You could, but they won't give you the reports. They have to be authorized to get them."
"Who can do that?"
"The detectives who handled the case."
"They're probably retired, don't you think?"
"Yeah."
"So?"
"Any homicide detective can authorize the request if the original detective isn't available."
"Thanks."
Amanda dialed Homicide and asked for Sean McCarthy.
"How's my favorite mouthpiece?" McCarthy asked.
"Hanging in there."
"Is this call about Mr. Dupre?"
"Sherlock Holmes has nothing on you, Sean."
McCarthy laughed. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm trying to get my hands on some police reports from the early nineteen seventies. Records won't give them to me without the authorization of the detective who worked the case or, if he's not available, another homicide detective."
"Are the reports connected to Dupre's case?"
"They might be. I have to read them to be certain."
"What do you think you'll find?"
"I'd rather not say until I'm certain I'm going to use them."
"Then I can't help you."
"I'll just file a discovery motion. Why make me go through that?"
"Kerrigan is running this case. He's the one you should talk to. If he tells me it's okay to authorize the release, I'll make sure you get the reports, but I'm going to let him make the decision."
Amanda had hoped that Sean would give her the reports without asking for her reason for wanting them, but she had expected him to refuse. Nothing was ever easy.
Chapter Thirty-five.
The weekend had been hell for Tim Kerrigan. Every moment that he was home he worried about getting a call from Ally Bennett. When he wasn't worrying about Ally's call he was tortured by the choice he would soon have to make.
On Sunday, Tim and Cindy took Megan to the zoo. Tim was grateful for the outing. His absorption in Megan's antics helped him to forget his problems. As soon as Megan was in bed, Tim went into his study on the pretext of doing work. By the time he went to bed, he had decided what he would do. That night, he made love to Cindy with incredible passion.
When Kerrigan arrived at his office on Monday, he was exhausted from lack of sleep. One of the few tasks he could handle was reviewing his mail. There was a report from the crime lab on the old blood that had been discovered in Harold Travis's A-frame. The blood was the same type as Lori Andrews's blood. DNA testing would show conclusively whether or not the dead call girl had bled in the senator's cabin. If it turned out that Senator Travis had murdered the escort during rough sex, it would be unethical for Tim to use evidence of Andrews's murder to convince a jury that Dupre had killed her. It also made no sense from the standpoint of strategy to argue that Dupre had killed Travis to avenge Andrews. That would only create sympathy for Dupre and make the jurors hate Travis. Kerrigan was still trying to decide what to do with the evidence of the senator's perversion, when his intercom buzzed.