She heard his roar of laughter as she stalked out of the stable.
Li Sung knocked on the door of Jane's cottage only moments after she arrived back at the mill site.
"What's wrong?" he asked when he saw her face as she opened the door. "Ian?"
Blast it, she had known Li Sung would notice her discomposure and that was the reason she had gone to the cottage instead of directly to the mill. She shook her head. "He's no worse." She saw the envelope in his hand. "For me?"
"It came right after you left. I thought you would want to see it right away." He handed her the envelope. "It's from Lancashire."
Hope leapt as she eagerly tore open the letter. Dear heaven, let the answer be yes. She needed good news today. Bitter disappointment flooded through her as she scanned the brief note.
"Another refusal?" Li Sung's gaze was on her face.
"Yes." She folded the letter and stuffed the letter back in the envelope. "It seems my services aren't needed by the Lancashire railroad."
"That's all they said?"
"Oh no." She smiled crookedly. "Mr. Radkins suggests I occupy myself in more genteel pursuits and forget this foolishness of trying to involve myself in masculine endeavors."
"He is the fool," Li Sung said.
"Well, it appears the world is full of fools. This is the fifth refusal I've received in the last six months." She tossed the envelope on the table. The rejection was a blow she hadn't needed when she was already feeling this sense of panic and uncertainty. "I suppose I should have expected it. The most incompetent of men are perceived as better than a woman."
"We could go back to America," Li Sung suggested. "Perhaps they would be more open than these British."
"That's too far away. I need to be in Scotland or, at least, England, in case Ian needs me."
He shook his head. "I have never understood this guilt you feel for lan's injury."
She had been tempted during the last three years to tell him the reason, but now she was glad she had not. She did not need to cope with a bristling, defensive Li Sung as well as Ruel.
"Why?" Li Sung asked. "The accident was no one's fault."
How she wished that were true, that she was as free of guilt as Li Sung thought. God in heaven, she was weary of shouldering the knowledge that Ian would be strong and well if she had not blinded herself to what Patrick might do. But she had no choice but to shoulder it when every time she saw Ian her guilt was there before her in all its heartwrenching tragedy.
"I like Ian. Naturally, I wish to do all I can for him." She abruptly turned away and snatched up her tartan shawl from the chair and moved toward the door. "I feel like a walk. Are you coming with me?"
He shook his head as he limped toward his horse. "My leg has taken enough punishment for one day, and you seem more in the mood for running away than walking. I'm going back to the castle and will see you tomorrow morning." He glanced over his shoulder. "Unless you have further need of me."
She forced a smile. "The day's work is done and the workers have gone home. Why should I have need of you? The letter? I was expecting it."
"And were you expecting the news from the castle that made you look as pale and shaking as you do when you have the fever?"
"I don't look—" She stopped as she met his gaze. "Ruel MacClaren will be arriving at Glenclaren tomorrow."
"I see." He smiled faintly. "No wonder you are disturbed."
"I'm not disturbed. Uneasy, perhaps."
"Why?"
She shrugged. "He . . . unsettles me. He unsettles everybody."
"He has done a great deal for Glenclaren." As she started to protest, he went on. "We may have done the work, but it was his money that made it possible. You can't deny that, Jane."
"I don't deny it." She was silent a moment and then burst out, "I just wish—why couldn't he have stayed away? He doesn't belong here."
"Neither do we," Li Sung said softly. "You know it as well as I, or you would not have sought work away from here. I've seen your restlessness growing for the last year. How long must we stay here?"
"As long as Ian needs us."
Li Sung shook his head. "You and I have given him the Glenclaren he wants, and Margaret provides him with all else."
She watched him awkwardly mount his horse and turn it toward the castle. "Li Sung!"
He glanced back at her.
"Are you truly unhappy here?"
He shook his head. "One place is as good as another to me. Perhaps I, too, am a little restless now that there are no longer any challenges to overcome." He kicked his horse into a trot.
She hugged the green and black tartan shawl closer as she started up the hill. The sun was almost down and the autumn wind cold as it touched her cheeks. She moved quickly, almost running up the rough dirt path. She should really go back to the cottage and fix her evening meal and go to bed but found the prospect unappealing. Though she had been up at dawn and spent the entire day supervising the work at the mill until Margaret's summons had taken her to the castle, she was not tired. Of late she had noticed any weariness she experienced came from sheer monotony. The events of yesterday and today and tomorrow all blended into stultifying sameness.
No, not tomorrow. Tomorrow Ruel would come.
She would not think of Ruel. She would think of the work still to be done at Glenclaren and Li Sung's words. In spite of his denial, she sensed the same discontent in him she had been feeling of late. She had no right to chain Li Sung here because of her own sense of obligation. Yet where could she and Li Sung go if they left Glenclaren? Railroads were the only life they knew, and it had been made bitterly clear no one would hire a cripple and a woman. She would have to consider the possibilities and—
"I see you've taken to wearing the MacClaren tartan."
She froze with shock.
Ruel continued mockingly. "It's too much a contrast with that red mane. It's not what I'd dress you in at all."
She turned slowly to see Ruel walking up the path toward her. He was the same. No trace of the vulnerability for which she had prayed as she had looked down at Annie's cottage. Except for looking tougher, leaner, he had not changed.
God in heaven, what was wrong with her? She felt as if she were going to faint. She couldn't breathe. She felt as chained as she had that day she had left Kasanpore— chained, desperate, sad, and other emotions too chaotic to define. She took a deep breath, trying to steady the rapid pounding of her heart. "You weren't supposed to be here until tomorrow."
"It's never wise to do the expected. It allows one's enemies to prepare themselves."
"You have no enemies here."
"Don't I?" He drew even with her on the path. "Then why has the thought of you tormented me more than any enemy I've ever had?" He smiled at her. "Did you think about me too?"
"No, I didn't think of you at all," she lied. "I've been far too busy."
The wind lifted his hair away from his forehead, revealing the stark beauty of his features. She found herself staring at him with the same fascination she had felt the first time she had seen him.
"So Maggie wrote me." He looked down at the mill in the valley below. "The repairs on the castle, the dairy, the new mill. Ian must be very happy."