“Yeah, I think so. It’s pretty unsettling to have one of your friends suddenly try to kill you, but I’m a ninja. I’ll cope. What about you?”
She looked thoughtful. “I can almost see how that could happen. If I had to live the first week of the exam a hundred times, and lose to Neji at the end each time.” She shuddered. “That would be awful. Do you know what happened to her?”
“Actually,” I said slowly, “I was hoping you could help me find out. You see, before I let her go I copied the last few months of her memories.”
I concentrated, and pulled the delicate bubble of chakra from the depths of my mindscape. Hinata eyed it warily.
“Can’t you use it yourself?” She asked.
I shook my head. “No. Everyone’s mind organizes information a little differently, so trying to absorb someone else’s memories gets me something more like an acid trip than anything helpful. Besides, she’s still a version of you, and I wouldn’t feel right about prying into your head like that.”
She raised an eyebrow. “But you don’t mind if I do it?”
“Who better to know your innermost thoughts that your own younger self?” I replied. “Can you imagine how much better off we’d all be if we could get a glimpse of how our choices play out twenty years down the road? But I’ll understand if you don’t want to do it. It’s sure to be confusing and unpleasant, and since I’ve never done something like this I can’t say for sure that it would be safe for you. I don’t think you’ll lose yourself, but it could happen.”
Hinata contemplated the memory bubble thoughtfully.
“Sakura, does this mean that if you do find a way to end the loop she’s the one who will escape, and I’ll be gone?”
I’d been trying not to think about that. But I owed her the truth. “I think so. Obviously I can’t say for sure until I understand what’s happening, but it would make sense.”
“Then she and I will have to become one person again at some point anyway,” she said with quiet determination. “Alright, I’ll do it. But first, let’s make sure I have an unmistakable way to know which Hinata I am.”
She formed a seal, and did the Sexy Technique.
I blinked. “Damn, that’s a good idea sweetie. But that form’s only a few years older than your real one. Do you think you’ll notice if you’re really that confused?”
She looked pointedly at her chest, and raised an eyebrow. “Um, yes.”
I laughed. Hinata is pretty well developed even in her normal body, but in sexy form she could easily give Anko competition. “Ok, good point,” I said. “While we’re at it I’ll go ahead and do the same thing. That way if you do get a flashback or something I won’t look the way I did during that fight.”
I’d been transforming myself on the first day of the loop for years now, and I didn’t actually use Sexy Technique that often anymore. But the form I usually wore was deliberately designed to resemble my old self as much as possible. I was fantastically fit compared to the way I used to be, but so far I’d resisted the temptation to make myself taller or improve my figure too much. I’m not sure if the Hinata I fought even noticed the difference.
I pushed the transformation a little harder than usual just to be sure, which left me apparently eighteen and just on the edge of buxom. “There. No one would mistake this for bratty kid Sakura.”
“No,” Hinata agreed. She took a deep breath, and let it out. “Alright, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”
“Lie down,” I advised. “And close your eyes. It takes a few seconds for the memories to integrate, and it’s easy to get vertigo while that’s happening.”
She nodded and stretched out on her bed. I bent over her, and carefully lowered the bubble into her forehead. She stiffened, teeth clenched and eyes screwed shut. Then she whimpered.
I put my hand on her shoulder. “Hinata?”
Her Byakugan activated, and I had a terrible moment of déjà vu. But the next thing I knew she was wrapped around me and holding on for dear life while tears trickled down her cheeks.
“Are you alright, Hinata?” I hugged her back gently. She sobbed, and I found myself awkwardly patting her back. Geez, was this how Naruto used to feel when I’d cry on his shoulder?
After a few minutes she pulled away, and looked down at herself uncertainly. “I’m not alone,” she whispered.
“No, sweetie. You’re not alone. You’ve got me and Naruto both, and you always will unless you push us away.”
“Never!” She pulled me back into a hug and buried her face in my shoulder. Then she started. “Wait. We’re…partners?” She gave me a hopeful look, as if she couldn’t quite believe it.
“Yes,” I confirmed. “But I’m starting to worry about you. Do you know which Hinata you are?”
“Both, I think,” she replied. “I…she…gods, this is confusing. She. The lonely one is she, and the one with you is me. Right. I don’t think she was nearly as old as you are.”
I frowned. “Really? What do you remember?”
“Loneliness and pain. She must have fought Neji a hundred times, and lost every match. If she didn’t take the exam father would punish her for her weakness, and no one would train her that day. She thought the loop was a curse, to make her suffer for being such a failure. But Naruto would always cheer for her in the arena, so she learned to fight bravely and die well for him. Every week. For years.”
She choked, and I hugged her again. “Shh. There now, I’ve got you. It’s going to be alright.”
She shook her head. “The first time she won she killed Neji. She always cripples him now, usually in the forest so no one ever even gets to see him fight. She thinks she has to destroy Neji and win Naruto’s heart to end the loop. And she hates! You and Sasuke and Kakashi, the Hokage and the townspeople. Everyone who ever hurt Naruto. She daydreams about the things she’ll do to them all when she’s free, to punish them for that. Sometimes she practices. Gods, how can I be such an evil bitch?”
“Suffering does that to people,” I replied gently. “But it doesn’t have to define you. You have better things to live for than revenge.”
She sniffed, and looked up at me uncertainly. “I feel like I should hate you. You were always hurting Naruto.”
“I also got you together with him,” I answered gently. “I know I was a bitch when I was a kid, Hinata, and I’m sorry about that. But I grew up a long time ago. I’m not your enemy, remember?”
She nodded. “I know. I’m just a mess right now. But you’re right, you…” She stiffened, and her eyes went wide with wonder. “…you gave me Naruto. He kissed me. Loved me. Thought I was…worthy.” She reached out to touch my check with trembling fingers. “Thank you. For that, I can forgive anything.”
“Good. Because I promised I’d take care of you, and I keep my promises. I’m sorry, Hinata, I didn’t think this would be so hard on you. I thought it would be more like, I don’t know, watching a movie of what she went through. Not re-living it all yourself.”
“It’s alright, Sakura. You couldn’t know how much she broods. I think it wouldn’t have been so bad, otherwise.”
She put up a brave front, but the fact that she was still nestled in my arms spoke volumes about just how upset she was. Hinata was never very comfortable with touching, and stress usually made her withdraw instead of reaching out. For her to come to me for comfort like that was enough to make me worry.
“Well, I’m still sorry.” I glanced at the clock on her nightstand and winced. “Damn. Sweetie, we’re going to miss the written exam if we don’t get going soon. Are you going to be ok getting through the day? Or do you want to blow off this loop and go relax someplace until you’re feeling better?”
“Can we just go away someplace? I don’t want Naruto to see me like this. Or my family, for that matter. The last thing I need right now is another lecture on Hyuuga reserve.”