“Of course I would. But I’m not that good without my eyes…” She temporized.
“Then we’ll start with Neji,” I said firmly. I pulled her close, and whispered sweet temptation into her ear. “We’ll catch him alone and cripple him, and then I’ll transform his body into yours and help you possess him. We’ll lock him in a little cage in the back of his head where he has to watch what you do without being able to stop you, and whenever you like you’ll be able to step back into your mindscape and…punish him. Would you like that, Hinata?”
“Yesssss,” she whispered, and I knew I had her.
Her talent for vengeance was breathtaking.
There was a grocer who for years had sold Naruto only ‘brat specials’ consisting of spoiled food and expired ramen. We chained him in a basement and force-fed him rotting garbage until he died of food poisoning and a dozen competing diseases.
There was a nurse who, when Naruto came in with a broken arm during the Minato Day celebration at the age of six, paralyzed him with a medical jutsu and kicked him back out into the street for the crowd to find again. A bit of careful medical work left her permanently paralyzed and wearing the face of a local beggar. Then we left her on a street corner to die of dehydration, unable to move and ignored by everyone around her.
There were dozens of others, young and old, rich and poor, civilian and ninja, and for every one of them Hinata had the perfect plan. The thing with the butcher and his family still gives me goose bumps. It was exactly the sort of punishment the professionals would cook up down in the Pit. The stern justice that the Bright Kami know is necessary, but can’t bear to inflict themselves. I was so proud of her I spent hours at a time ‘rewarding’ her creativity with my best jutsu, until I began to see that adorable lust-fogged devotion from our first week together in her eyes now and then.
Against people who’d wronged her personally her revenge was less artful poetic justice, and more brutal retaliation. She was all cool efficiency against faceless bodyguards and bystanders, but when she faced the men who had hurt her so many times every blow was accompanied by screams of pain and the satisfying crack of breaking bones. Our confrontation with her family was the most beautiful bloodbath I’d ever imagined.
By the time ANBU scraped together a team that could actually stop us I was about ready to marry that girl. The lust and affection I’d inherited from my human side was flourishing, growing rapidly into the timeless devotion of a celestial’s love, and I could see in her eyes that the feeling was mutual.
But that only underscored the importance of winning this contest. I had to make my human side see that actually taking what we want works better than languishing in polite uncertainty forever the way she does. If she took control now she’d agonize and apologize and pull away until she ruined things forever, and we all deserve better than that. But if showing her what a happy relationship with our pet assassin looks like wasn’t enough to get through to her, what else could I do?
Hmm.
“Sir! I’ve got an emergency situation!”
I dropped off the roof and staggered to my feet in front of the pair of shogi players, panting heavily. Asuma looked up slowly, taking in my ripped and bloodstained clothes and the empty state of my shuriken pouch, and his ever-present cigarette fell from his lips. “Sakura? What happened to you?”
“I picked the wrong spot for some last-minute training,” I replied. “There’s a party of over four hundred Sand nin approaching the city from the south, maybe four or five hours behind me. I don’t know what’s going on, but their scouts tried to kill me when I ran.”
Shikamaru sighed, and began picking up the shogi set. Asuma stood, and gave me a concerned look. “You’re right, this is serious. But why did you come to me instead of telling the gate guards?”
“There’s no way a force that size could get so close to the city without inside help,” I pointed out. “You were the first jounin I could find who I’m sure wouldn’t be in on a plot against the Hokage.”
He nodded. “Well done. Come with me, we’re going to see my father.”
Without the element of surprise Orochimaru’s plan fell apart like a house of cards. He was forced to abandon his Kazekage disguise and retreat when Sarutobi and Jiraiya confronted him with three squads of ANBU as backup, and after I killed off half of his infiltrators the rest apparently received orders to pull out. The Sand ninja quickly realized they were being played, and elected to retreat instead of pressing forward with the invasion plan. The modest force from Hidden Sound was more determined, but against the full might of Konoha the best they could manage was a valiant last stand.
The city was never touched.
The tournament was held a day later than originally scheduled, probably to drive home the point that Konoha was as strong as ever despite our enemies’ plots. With half the entrants gone it was a smaller event than usual, but I put on a good show. Kiba was dumb enough to fall for my helpless waif act until I set off a sensory overload genjutsu under his nose and knocked him out, while Sasuke wore himself out beating Neji and failed to notice that my fancy shuriken and wire tricks were only intended as a distraction. What actually got him was the knockout gas I blew in his face while he was looking the other way.
That afternoon I finally got my promotion, along with Shikamaru and Neji. The celebration that night was the first time most of the rookie nine had ever had alcohol, which made for some funny moments. I managed to pair up most of them over the course of the evening — Ino with Shikamaru, non-looping Hinata with Naruto, Choji with some chuunin girl who stopped by to offer congratulations. At one point I dragged Kiba off to a motel room for a demonstration of his ‘special’ man/beast techniques, but he turned out to be a big disappointment. I left him passed out on the bed an hour later, and returned to the party with a ‘clone’ that was actually my Hinata. Nothing revs up the chuunin boys like hot twins dirty dancing with each other, and it wasn’t long before I found a more satisfying date.
But the best part was that I awoke the next day, not in my own bed, but in a dingy motel room with some guy whose name I didn’t remember behind me and Hinata cuddled in my arms. I banished the hangover with one of my mortal side’s medical techniques, and turned my attention inward to her prison.
“Wake up, sleepyhead!” I called, reaching between the thorns to shake her awake. “You’re going to want to see this!”
She blinked at me owlishly and stifled a yawn. “Huh? See what?”
“It’s the day after the chuunin exam!” I replied excitedly. “See, I told you I can get things done.”
“What?” She gasped. “No! I was so close to figuring things out!”
I shrugged. “Now you don’t have to. So, are you ready to admit defeat yet? Tell you what, we can even stay aspected if you want. We’ll just do a temporary merger to get you hooked up to my power feed, and then split back into the old brains vs. brawn division. How does that sound?”
She stared at me for a moment, and gave the viewport an uncertain look.
“If we’re out of the loop, where are the real Naruto and Hinata?” She asked pensively.
“Beats me,” I admitted cheerfully. “Maybe they’re here too, or maybe they’ve got different world-streams and we’d have to dimension hop to find them. But I’ll point out that our Hinata is every bit as real as the other one now, and she’s right here with us.”