She hesitated. “It must be very confusing,” she ventured. “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to explain much if you’re going to stay mortal.” She paused, and looked dismayed again. “Oh, no. I told you the fate of a mortal’s soul! I’m in so much trouble!”
“I’m sorry, Astoria. Is there anything I can do?”
“I… can’t suggest anything,” she replied carefully. “I’m terrible at being sneaky anyway. But if I somehow ended up not getting into trouble over this I’d owe you a really massive favor.”
I considered this for a moment. Even a minor goddess wanting to be my friend was a huge opportunity, let alone one owing me a major debt. But this visit had somehow turned into such an incredible fiasco I couldn’t see any way to salvage things. Usually I’d abort the loop and try again at this point, but killing myself when I was already in the spirit world didn’t sound like a smart idea. Although the way that wish was worded, you’d think…
Wait.
It couldn’t be that easy, could it?
I closed my eyes, focusing my imagination on what a complete mess this loop had become and how much I wanted to just try it again. “I want to go back and fix it,” I whispered.
…and found myself back in my bed, at the start of the chuunin exam.
18. Bonding
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto.
Hinata didn’t answer my call at first, and for a moment I was terrified that I’d somehow lost her during my trip to the spirit world. But when I dropped into my mindscape I found her sitting under the sakura trees, staring dumbly at the one where I’d anchored her chain.
It was the tree that represented my feelings for her, and I wondered for a moment if she’d somehow realized that. But she knew I loved her, so why would she react like this?
“Hinata?” I asked, “Are you alright?”
“This tree…” she breathed. “How did I never notice?”
There were tears in her eyes. Now I was really worried. I knelt, and put a hand on her shoulder.
“Sweetie? What is it?”
She seemed to notice my presence for the first time, and looked up at me wonderingly. “You gave up Heaven for me.”
“Well, I certainly wasn’t going to let them send you to Hell,” I pointed out dryly.
She shook her head violently. “No! Don’t try to minimize it! She was telling the truth, I saw it. You could have been a kami, Sakura! You could have gone away to that shining place of peace and hope, and become Naruto’s personal angel, and lived forever, and… and instead you’ve come back to this world of tears and pain, for me!”
“Yes.”
What else was there to say? She was right, and I knew it. But what else could I have done? A ninja who abandons her comrades is worse than trash, and Hinata was the truest comrade I’d ever known.
Hinata wiped away a tear, and reached up to cup my face in her hands. “Sakura,” she breathed. “I… I have no more defenses. I was afraid to open my heart to you completely, after spending so long with the demon. But now… what could I possibly fear? You love me the way I love Naruto, don’t you?”
My breath caught. Did I? I knew what I felt for her wasn’t a human emotion. Born of a fallen celestial’s devotion, it was as changeless and omnipresent as gravity. I was sure that if we were parted for a hundred years, I’d love her as much at our reunion as I did now. But Hinata was so devoted to Naruto that she’d do anything for him without a moment’s hesitation, and I’d never felt anything like that.
Or had I?
I hadn’t really thought about what I was giving up by rejecting Astoria’s offer, because it hadn’t occurred to me that it was a choice. Abandoning Hinata to her fate was something I could barely imagine, let alone seriously consider as an option. Maybe this was what perfect devotion felt like from the inside? But then, how did I always end up in charge?
Because we were both happier that way. She liked to be led, and I liked to lead. She loved our little power-exchange games as much as I did. But if she ever really wanted me to stop, I’d do it in an instant.
Was there anything I wouldn’t do for her, if she really needed it?
I probably wouldn’t give up Naruto. But nothing else came to mind.
“Yes,” I breathed, my head reeling from the realization. “I do. But, I know you don’t…”
She put her finger to my lips, and smiled gently.
“I can, Sakura. You’ve won my heart as surely as Naruto ever did, and I can deny you nothing now. You…”
Her eyes went soft and distant, and her voice gained an undercurrent of hidden power as she chanted a snatch of the celestial tongue.
You are my precious treasure, and never shall we part. I will guard you for all the ages of eternity, till the stars die and the twilight of the gods brings the end of all things.
Her lips brushed mine as softly as falling snow, and for one precious instant I could feel her heart as clearly as my own.
We never did make it to the exam that loop.
Much, much later, it finally occurred to me to ask an obvious question. “Since when do you speak the celestial tongue, sweetie?”
By then we were in the bedroom I’d made for Hinata in my mindscape, sprawled carelessly across the sinfully comfortable bed. Hinata was lying with her head on my belly, and barely stirred at my question.
“I don’t,” she replied. “It just came to me. That happens sometimes, with our strongest clan members. But I know what I said, and I meant it.”
“That’s ok,” Astoria reassured me. “Skuld-sama’s pretty cool about letting junior goddesses use the transport system. Let me just run a trace here… ok, I’ve got your location. Wow, one of the dark worlds? No wonder they don’t let you travel, there’s a class three security barrier around your whole sector. Things must be kind of grim over there with no doublet system and the demons running rampant. I don’t even have an address for your local pantheon.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard other worlds are a lot nicer. Um, Astoria, is it really ok to bring me up there? I’m not sure how these things work, but I think I still count as a mortal.”
“You’re kidding? Wait, then that wasn’t an ascension trial?”
“When we met before? No, that was some kind of sneaky demonic trap trying to force me to convert,” I explained.
“Oh, darn it!” Astoria exclaimed. “I should have read your file first. Hang on, I’m pulling it up now. Hmm. Ok. Oh, wow, that’s amazing. Ok, just so you know, the system lists you as a proto-celestial. That means you count as a mortal for most of the rules, but you could probably qualify as an aspirant and get into one of the angel academies if you want to.”
I laughed. “Me, an angel? Thanks for the compliment, but that’s hard to imagine. Anyway, I’ve got this little time loop problem I have to figure out before I can deal with anything else.”
“Right, good point. Well, I’m afraid I can’t show you my office, but there’s a meeting room we can use. If my boss approves the request I’ll beam you up in just a sec.”
This time I was in my own body when the summoning took me, and Hinata stayed behind. Astoria was so friendly it made me wonder what her ulterior motive was, and ten minutes later she was showing me the recording of Naruto making his wish again.
“What does that mean, exactly?” I asked when it was done. “I mean, how does ‘I wish we could go back and fix things’ turn into us all being stuck in a time loop?”
Astoria shrugged apologetically. “I’m not allowed to explain things like that to mortals, so I’d get in big trouble if I pulled the system log and read off the details for you. Even showing you the advisory will get me demerits if anyone notices, but a promise is a promise.”