"-and Mania Ishtar said this would be a good time to do it."
"But I'm Lori; she's Lazi."
"You're both lazy," said Lazarus.
"I'm Captain Lapis Lazuli Long, commanding Starship 'Dora' and she's my crew. Even-numbered day."
"Till tomorrow. Odd-numbered day."
"Lazarus can't tell us apart-"
"-and he's not our father; we never had one."
"He's our brother, no real authority-"
"-he just dominates us by brute strength-"
"-but someday that will change."
"Into the boat, you mutinous hellions," Lazarus said cheerfully, "before I bust you back to apprentice spacemen."
They jumped into the boat, sat forward, facing aft.
"Threats-"
"-with abusive language-"
"-and without due process."
Lazarus did not seem to hear them. He and Justin handed Minerva into the boat, seated her aft and facing forward; they took seats cornering her. "Captain Lazuli."
"Yes, sir?"
"Will you please tell the boat to take us home?"
"Aye aye, sir. Humpty Dumpty-home!"
The little craft started up, hit a steady ten knots, waddling to changing contours of the ground. Lazarus said, "And now, Captain, having confused our guest, please straighten him out."
"Yes, sir. We're not twins, we don't even have the same mother-"
"-and Ol' Buddy Boy is not our father; he's our brother."
"Even-numbered day!"
"Then make it march."
"Correction," said Lazarus. "I'm your father because I adopted you, with written consent of your mothers."
"Irrelevant-"
"-and illegal; it was not with our consent-"
"-and immaterial in any case, as we three, Lazarus, Lorelei arid I, are identical triplets and therefore enjoy the same rights under any rational jurisdiction...which unfortunately this is not. So he beats us. Illegally and brutally."
"Captain, remind me to get a bigger club."
"Aye aye, sir. But we're fond of Buddy Boy anyhow despite his masochosadistic behavior. Because he's really us. You see?"
"Miss-Captain, I mean-I'm not sure I do. I think I slid through a space warp on the way here and failed to come out."
The even-numbered-day captain shook her head. "Sorry, sir, but that's not possible. I must ask you to take my word for it...unless you can handle imperial numbers and Libby field-physics. Can you?"
"No. Can you?"
"Oh, certainly-"
"-we're geniuses."
"Quit trying to snow him, kids, and belay that order. I'll explain it myself."
"I wish you would, Lazarus. I wasn't aware that you had any minor children. Or sisters, which I find even more confusing. Are they registered? While I can't see everything that goes into the files, for many years there has been an automatic relay to my attention on anything concerning the Senior."
"Which I knew and that's why you didn't see it. Registered, yes, but by their mothers' names-host-mothers, actually, but not so reported. But I left a Delay-Mail sealed registration of the actual genealogy involved, to be opened by you or your successor on my death or in year 2070 of the Diaspora, whichever comes first, to insure that they will receive certain knickknacks, such as my second-best bed-"
"And the 'Dora!"
"Pipe down. Keep butting in and your sister gets the 'Dora' and you won't be captain even on alternate days. I picked that date, Justin, because I expect them to be adults by then; they really are geniuses. I will not attempt time travel until then, as they are captain and crew of my yacht-only while ground-side now but in space by then. As to how they are my sisters- and they are-an illegal-proscribed, rather, by Secundus Clinic-a clandestine surgical procedure was used to clone them from me. Somewhat like Minerva's case, but simpler."
"Much simpler," agreed Minerva. "I operated for me, when I was still a computer-and failed seventeen times before I achieved a perfect clone. I couldn't do it now, although Athene would be able to. But our girls were cloned by a flesh-and-blood surgeon-replication of the X chromosome was all that was necessary-and did it in both cases in one try; Laz and Lor were born the same day."
"Mmm- Yes, I think that Madam Director Doctor Hildegarde would take a sour view of such things. With no reflections on the lady's professional competence-high, I assume-I find her a bit, uh, conservative."
"Murderess."
"Primitive totalitarian."
"Three times over-"
"-for what right has she to say that we can't exist-"
"-or Minerva. Crypto-criminal mind!"
"That's enough, girls; you've made your point, you don't like her."
"She would have murdered you, too, Ol' Buddy Boy."
"Lori, I said that was enough. Stipulated that, if Nelly Hildegarde's policies had been carried out, I wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be here, Laz wouldn't be here, nor would Minerva. But she's not a, 'murderess,' as all four of us are here."
"And I am delighted,". Justin Foote commented. "To have three charming young ladies added to our Families through breaking rules proves something I have long suspected: Rules serve best when broken."
"A wise man-"
"-and with dimples, too. Mr. Foote, would you like to marry me and my sister?"
"Say 'Yes'! She can cook, but I'm cuddly."
Minerva said, "Stop it, girls."
"Why? Have you got him staked out already? Was that why we couldn't come in? Mr. Foote, Minerva is Mama Pro Tem to us by edict-"
"-which is patently unfair-"
"-as she is actually years and years younger than we are-"
"-and it gives us three mothers to dodge instead of the regulation one."
"Belay that," Lazarus ordered. "Both of you can cook, but neither of you is very cuddly."
"Then why do you cuddle us, Buddy Boy?"
"-suppressed incestuous yearning perhaps?"
"Merde. Because you both are immature, insecure, and frightened."
The redheads looked at each other. "Lori?"
"I heard it. Unless I'm hallucinating."
"No, I heard it, 'too."
"Is it time to cry?"
"We'd better save it. Mr. Foote wouldn't want to see how our Buddy Boy goes all to pieces when we cry."
"We'll save it. That makes two cries and a chin quivering he's got coming. Unless Mr. Foote would like to see it."
"Would you, Mr. Foote?"
"Justin, I'll sell either one of them cheap. Still better price on a package deal."
"Uh...thank you, Lazarus, but I'm afraid that they might cry at me-then I would go all to pieces. Can we change the subject? How did you manage to put over this triple, uh, irregularity? May one ask? Doctor Hildegarde runs a very taut organization."
"Well, in the case of those two little angels over there-"
"Sarcasm now-"
"-and not clever."
"-I was flummoxed quite as much as Nelly Hildegarde. At the time, Ishtar Hardy, that one's mother-"
"No, her mother."
"You two are interchangeable parts, and besides, you were mixed up the week you were born, and nobody knows which you are; you don't know yourself."
"Oh, yes, I do! Sometimes she goes away, but I'm always right here."
Lazarus paused in midflight, looked thoughtful. "That may be the most succinct statement of the solipsist thesis I've ever heard. Write it down."
"If I did, you'd take credit for it."
"I simply want to save it for posterity...a notion incompatible with the thesis itself. Minerva, you preserve it for me."
"Recorded, Lazarus."
"Minerva has almost as exact a memory as she had when she was a computer. I was saying: Ishtar was temporarily Clinic boss, Nelly having gone on leave, so access to my tissue was no problem. I was then in a state of acute anhedonia, and their mothers cooked up this notion for restoring my interest in life. The only problem was to do gene surgery not permitted by the rules of Secundus Clinic. How and who- I was told firmly not to inquire. You can ask Minerva; she was in on the swindle."