He put his hand over mine. “The end is coming. I am sure of it,” he said.
“But you are going out there again. You’re so calm about it…almost as though you don’t mind.”
He was silent for a moment, then he said, “I suppose I am one of those people who don’t always show what they are feeling. At the moment, I am wishing I could sit on this seat forever…with you.”
“I do love you, Robert.”
“I know. Do they say ‘like a sister or brother’…as the case may be.”
“No, more than that. It’s true I have always thought of you as part of the family, because your mother and mine were brought up together for much of their childhood. No, it is more than that. Especially with you. I could not bear it if you did not come back.”
“I’ll come back,” he said. “I’ll come back to you.”
“You asked me to marry you. Is the offer still open?”
“It will be open until you accept it…or marry someone else.”
“It is time,” I said, “that we were thinking about the future.”
“Do you mean…?”
“I mean that I am getting older and wiser. I’m beginning to understand myself. The thought of your going away has made me realize how much you mean to me. Robert, you must come back to me.”
“I’ll have everything I want to come back to now.”
“I should have told you before…”
“We could have had a hasty wedding before I went. Perhaps this is best. I never wanted to hurry you. I could see how you felt. You’ve known me all your life. There was no sudden realization. Love did not have to be implanted by Cupid’s arrow in one exciting second. It was always there for me. It started when I first saw you nibbling the edge of your blanket in your pram in this very park. All the tricks of romance were missing. We didn’t have to go through the preliminary stages. It made it difficult to realize.”
“For you, too, Robert?”
“Oh, no…no. I could see it more clearly. When you were seven years old I decided I wanted to marry you. I was a little put out by the difference in our ages at that stage, but thank Heaven when you get older the gaps don’t seem so wide.”
“Wise old Robert!”
“Not very bright in some things, I fear, but in this I know exactly what I want, and what is right for me and—I hope—for you.”
“I know it is right.”
“Then we are engaged to be married. Is that so?”
“It is.”
“How wonderful it is sitting here with you. Look at that small boy feeding the ducks. You see that greedy one….Oh, good, he’s been pushed aside and the little one’s got the piece of cake, or whatever it is. Oh, it is wonderful to sit on this seat and become engaged!”
I slipped my arm through his. I sensed his contentment and shared it until I reminded myself that in a few days’ time he would be in the midst of danger.
“I wish we were still at Marchlands,” I said. “I wish your leg was so bad you couldn’t go. I’d wish anything to keep you here.”
“This is the happiest moment of my life. I just want to enjoy it.”
“How can I enjoy it when you are going away, when I don’t know when I shall see you again?”
“I will come back.”
“How can you be sure? How can anyone be sure of anything in this fearful world?”
“I shall come back. We shall sit on this seat and there will be nothing to fear.”
“If only that can be! I am sorry to be so uncertain, Robert. We have wasted so much time because I was foolish. But at last I have had time to see things as they really are. What I want more than anything in the world is for you to come back safely to me.”
“I shall. I promise you. Dearest Lucinda, I shall come back.”
I had to believe him, for I could not bear to contemplate a future without him.
I spent the next day with Robert. I was catching his mood of optimism. We made plans for the future as though it were certain to come.
Then I said good-bye to him and he went off. I guessed it would not be long before he was on the battlefield. I tried not to think of it. I forced myself to plan for the future, to believe in it as he had.
Over dinner I told my father about my engagement.
He was delighted. “We—your mother and I—could not be more pleased,” he said. “It is what we have always hoped for. Robert is a wonderful young man. Not appreciated by some, because he is so modest. Such people are often taken at their own estimation, which can be a great mistake. Robert’s family will be pleased also. Perhaps Belinda would have liked a duke’s daughter for her son, but at least she is gratified by her daughter’s elevation to the aristocracy. At one time, your mother and I thought that you and Marcus…”
“Oh, no, it was Annabelinda for him.”
“I’m glad. There is no one we would rather see you marry than Robert Denver.”
“I know…but I’m afraid because he’ll be out there…in the thick of it.”
My father nodded his head gravely. “Robert has always struck me as a survivor, in his calm, quiet way,” he said.
I could not bear to think of Robert’s being in danger and my father changed the subject quickly. He said, “By the way…you haven’t seen anything…?”
I knew what he meant and replied, “No, and I can’t imagine who could possibly get in there.”
“I think it is certain that someone has been in there.”
“When?”
“Within the last few days.”
“I have been watchful.”
“You can’t be everywhere at once. The essence of this is secrecy. You must not let anyone see you are on the alert. I don’t like that key being in Mrs. Cherry’s possession. Not that I suspect her. But of course she doesn’t realize the importance of that key, and I can’t tell her. It’s a pity the room has to be cleaned.”
“I wonder if I could get the key?”
“How?”
“I mean, ask Mrs. Cherry to give it to me. Suppose I offered to clean the room?”
“Wouldn’t that be rather unusual?”
“Well, everything about it is unusual. Your study’s having to be kept locked, for one thing…no one but Mrs. Cherry having the key. I don’t see why I shouldn’t clean the room. If I had the key we could be sure no one could get in.”
“I think it would arouse too much suspicion if you asked Mrs. Cherry for it.”
“I’ll think of something.”
“Lucinda, be careful. You do realize how important this is, and if there is someone in this household…someone who is working for the enemy…well, such people could be dangerous.”
“I do know, but I am sure I can make it all seem natural.”
“I certainly don’t like the idea of there being a key that is not in my possession. I don’t like the thought of Mrs. Cherry’s going in. While she is working, the door will be open. She could be called away suddenly….I am certain that someone is getting into that room.”
“Well, I am going to find out, and the first step is to get the key, without which no one can get into the room, unless they come through the window, which is always locked; and as the room is on the second floor, an intruder would need the agility of a cat to get in. There’s not so much for me to do here as there was at Marchlands. Walk in the park…and play with Edward. I really don’t see why I should not clean that room. After all, there are not many servants in the house now. I could make that excuse. Leave it to me. I’ll get the key and that will set our minds at rest on that score.”
It was not so difficult to manage. I had always been on good terms with Mrs. Cherry, and Edward had made a special bond between us. She had thought the story of my bringing him from France was very “beautiful.” It was heartwarming, she said, like something in a novelette.
“Some would have left him behind. I mean to say…a young girl bringing home a baby like that. Well, of course, there was Mrs. Greenham. She’d never turn anyone away from her door, let alone a little baby. So I reckon it’s a beautiful story. And there he is, the little mite, as cocky as they come. What would have happened to him if he’d been left to those terrible Germans?”