“I spoke with an attorney on Friday. I’m divorcing your father.” she said in the most caring and loving voice I had ever heard her use, looking directly at Ava.
“Good!” Ava replied, surprising everyone with how stern she sounded.
“You ... you’re not upset?” Claire asked, clearly taken aback.
“No. Why would I? If Christmas has proven anything, then that he doesn’t really care about me. Did you happen to notice that he NEVER apologized to me? He also never called me after we moved out. It’s like he doesn’t even care if we’re Okay. If he only cares about me as long as he gets to fuck me, I think we’re better off without him.”
“Oh god, I’m so glad, Sweetheart!” Claire suddenly called out, and embraced her daughter in a tight hug that lasted a good minute. When they separated, she looked at me. “So, there you have it, Honey. That’s my decision. I see it just the way your sister does, and I choose to try and get you back into my life. No matter how hard it’ll be, I will not leave you again.”
There were tears in her eyes, but it was the way she carried her body that was concerning. I couldn’t tell if she actually chose divorce to rebuild our relationship, or if she only realized that Aaron was an asshole and I was her only alternative.
“If you spoke to an attorney on Friday ... Where were you yesterday?” I asked, still attempting to not allow even a hint of accusation or displeasure in my voice.
Claire had obviously expected that question, and wasn’t eager to discuss it. But she knew that she had to tell me something if she wanted to erase my doubts, and I could see her physically harden her resolve.
“Honey ... after you left Johnny’s ... I wasn’t in a good place.” she started. She did not look like she was rehearsing something, or like she was looking for excuses. She simply wasn’t proud of what she was about to tell us. “I finally understood that I’ve ruined everything.”
At that point, she broke down in tears. I did not interfere with Ava’s attempt to calm Claire down, though I also didn’t assist her in any way. I was occupied with trying to figure out what my words in John’s house must have caused. I didn’t have to think long, though. I had, after all, relentlessly pointed out how this family was utterly broken. And, while I never outright said so, she knew that it might be Aaron and Logan who started to see the women of the family as their personal pleasure-dispensers, but she was the one who allowed it in the first place and then cultivated that mindset by participating unconditionally for so long.
As soon as she had calmed down enough to speak without being constantly interrupted by the sobs rocking her body, she continued.
“I allowed my husband to think of his family as nothing more than his personal property. I have spoiled my oldest child so much that he now thinks about nobody but himself. I allowed them to abuse my daughter to the point it almost ruined her life. And I neglected and alienated my youngest child to the point he no longer loves me. I don’t have a job, I don’t have a home, I don’t have a family. I ... I ruined everything.” she concluded in defeat.
Hearing her words soured my mood immensely. I had hoped she chose to work on our relationship because it would be what she truly wanted, but it sounded like she only came back to my apartment because I was her sole alternative. To my surprise, Ava’s mood had also darkened. She looked angry! And that anger was also present in her voice.
“Mom! How can you say you ruined everything? I think I turned out well! I don’t blame you for what Logan and Aaron did, because they didn’t do it when you were around. You DID look out for me. And don’t blame yourself for Logan being a selfish asshole, either. Yes, you spoiled him rotten, and it probably went a long way in forming his character, but you didn’t set out to make him a selfish asshole.”
“I know, Sweetheart. And you can’t imagine how proud I am of you.” Claire said, after taking a steadying breath. “But I reached a conclusion. I screwed up, so I have to fix it.”
With that, she turned to me and grabbed my hand as well.
“Honey.” she continued. “I know what I just told you sounds like I already gave up, and that I see you as some kind of consolation prize. But I promise you, I’m not! I will work on our relationship, not because I have to, but because I want to. I will be your Mom again, not to get a roof over my head, but because I want to be your Mom. And I will earn your love back, no matter how long it will take. But I will not start by lying to you, so I had to tell you how I felt after you left.”
She could see the doubt in my face, and immediately addressed it.
“I could try and get Aaron back, but I will not give you up in exchange for him. If he wants to be my husband and Ava’s father again, he first needs to be a father to all of his children.” she stated firmly. “I could try and make Logan come home, but I will no longer reward his selfish behavior. If he wants to be part of this family, then he has to treat us like one as well. Just like I will show you that I love you, so you will allow me to be your family again.”
I believed her. And as the realization that I believed her words set in, that strange wave of anxiety got stronger.
I had given her every reason I could possibly think of to go back to her easy life. Every incentive to collect Ava, drive home, and keep going like she had for the past four years while letting me live my life away from them. But she chose me instead, and I could not detect any sign of deception in her words, expression, or voice. She looked at me pleadingly, but I was convinced that was because she was pleading for me to give her a chance.
At that moment, I was glad I sat down on her right hand side. This way, my healthy left shoulder was pointed at her, so I could extend my arm and pull her into a hug. A gesture she gratefully accepted, and soon Ava joined in as well. We sat like this for a long while. It would be a long way before we would be fine, but this was the first time in almost half a decade that I was actually looking forward to living with those two.
We spent the rest of the day on the couch, enjoying the Sunday. We had said everything that needed to be said, and Claire was content with enjoying this new found peace with her children. Though, by the time I felt the need to lay down, and Ava wordlessly joined me, Claire seemed to remember something.
“Honey?” she called out so I would turn back to her. “Do you already know when your girlfriend will come back?”
“No. And she’s not my girlfriend. Right now, we’re just seeing where this goes. But, honestly, I don’t think we’ll get there.” I shook my head.
“Why not? She seems to really like you. And I don’t think you’d take a bullet for just anyone, so I’d say you like her just as much.” she explained with a one sided smile, no doubt remembering how I protected her and Ava as well.
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “But I’m not boyfriend material. She’ll notice soon enough.”
Claire blinked at me in confusion, but I was too tired to engage in a lengthy discussion at that moment, so I simply turned and left for my bedroom where Ava was already waiting for me.
The next day, Claire played every card she had to stop me from going to school, but ultimately decided to respect my decision. Though, even then she assured me that she would stay close by, so if my leg started making problems or anything else happened, she would be there to pick me up five minutes after I called her. I had to admit, that raised my mood significantly, since I was seriously unsure about what I should expect.
I had doubts about Mia’s claim in the hospital regarding my increased popularity after taking a bullet for her in front of witnesses. In my head, they all still saw me as the asshole who ruined their football season once, and even after that, I did not make any friends when I was attacking everyone after Tess’ death. So, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility for one or more of them to bump into me on purpose, despite the very obvious sling strapping my right arm to my torso, and the very obvious cane helping me walk.