Looking around the room, I saw most of the family shuffle around in discomfort while exchanging pleading glances between themselves. It seemed to me like they wanted to refute his arguments, but simply didn’t know how. And that’s when it hit me and my anger vanished in an instant.
Half a year ago, after I had dealt with the bookie and wanted to go back into my apartment, they wanted me to stay. I asked them all for a reason to believe their assurances about things being different now, though they couldn’t think of anything. What stood out to me in this moment, however, was the fact that everyone had the exact same look and demeanor as back then. It made me wonder where we would be today if I had been able to give them the benefit of a doubt back then.
“Huh. I see your point.” I said calmly. “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”
Instead of retorting, Grandpa took a look around the room and, not finding any support, let out an annoyed tone, shook his head, and wordlessly left.
“I’m sorry, Darling.” Mom said, giving me a worried look.
Since she was still hugging me in that protective and comforting way, I placed my arm around her waist, hugged her back, and gave her a reassuring smile.
“Don’t worry. I really do understand where he’s coming from. He’s where I was half a year ago.”
Mom looked at me open mouthed, though my attention was drawn away from her when I heard John groan.
“No, he’s not. You had good reasons to not trust us anymore. He...” John paused to let out a sigh. “He KNOWS that there’s no way for Claire to get that investment account. I explained that to him after we had that meeting with the investment firm, and they showed us the contract that doesn’t allow for a split of the account. Whether she demands her half or gives it away, it doesn’t make a difference in the amount of money she would get out of it. And, please, tell me where your personal gain was when you got stabbed in that parking lot! It’s so frustrating to argue with him. It’s like I’m talking to a wall!”
I had to smirk at that, since I had no doubt that was also how Grandpa felt when he tried to force me into compliance. An impression Granny quickly confirmed, as she stepped next to her son and fixed me with an apologetic look.
“Please, Pumpkin, don’t be mad at him.” she pleaded. “Claire will always be his little girl, no matter how old she gets.” she looked into space while shaking her head. “He’ll come around. Just know, I do not blame you for this in any way. And I can’t blame you for how long it took us to fix this.”
“If only there was a way to prove to him that you don’t care about the money.” Danny said, while throwing a strained look to the sports bag in John’s hand.
“Yes. If only.” I mused, not yet ready to make that announcement, before turning back to Mom. “Anyway, are you ready to go?”
She nodded in confirmation and we said our goodbyes.
The drive over to HCC was quiet, though my thoughts kept going back to the confrontation with Grandpa. Truth was, if I truly didn’t care about the family anymore, it wouldn’t have hurt so much when they ignored and discarded me. I just still had trouble admitting how much I cared.
All the while, I could see Mom throw concerned looks my way from the corner of my eye, while she was fidgeting around with her hands. Though, she didn’t actually say anything until I parked the car and was about to open the door.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Darling?” Mom asked suddenly, still looking worried.
“Yes.” I gave her another reassuring smile. “Though, I really don’t get what I did to him. Why does he mistrust me so much?”
Curiously, that question made her look at her feet like she was ashamed.
“You didn’t do anything to him.” she started in a careful and calculated tone. “He’s been that way since ... Since we met you on Christmas Eve.”
When I thought back to that day, I couldn’t suppress a small scoff.
“So, he’s angry at me because I didn’t come home when you asked?” I inquired, causing her fidgeting hands to move even faster.
“No. He’s angry because you ignored my reaction to your refusal to come home.” she clarified quietly. “He still thinks you should have swallowed your pride and shown ‘compassion for your crying mother’.”
The air quotes she performed made sure that I knew this was only a quote of what her father had said, and not an accusation from her to me. Though, I guess she would’ve had every right to make that accusation. After all, back then, I really didn’t care.
“Oh.” was my entire reply. Seriously, what else was I supposed to say?
Of course he cares about your happiness most. He’s your father. - That would’ve sounded like just another cheap shot at her own parenting during those dreaded four years.
Can’t blame him for being angry after seeing his daughter cry. - That would’ve sounded like just another cheap shot at her ignoring my depression.
Those thoughts must have played out on my face.
“Darling, don’t worry about it!” Mom said in a hurried voice. “I know why you couldn’t come home that day. You needed the money after we cleared out your bank account. I never blamed you for it! Not even for a second!”
“And I believe you.” I said, taking a hold of her hand and squeezing it, causing her to smile.
When we finally made our way into the admission office, I learned an interesting lesson. Colleges don’t give a flying fuck how you pay, or where that money comes from, as long as they get money from you. I could’ve paid for all of my certificates with the stolen cash! I even got the feeling they would’ve happily accepted a bag full of bloodied ten dollar bills with a smile, and never asked questions about it. I filed that away for later, when I had to pay for the following certifications and Mom’s second semester after the divorce was through.
When we left the building, Mom was hanging onto my arm again, regarding me with a strangely admiring look for the entire way to the car. Even during the drive home, I caught her looking at me that same way, while, every few minutes, squeezing my thigh or rubbing my arm.
During the following weeks, she continued that behavior and was even joined in it by Ava. Both of them used every opportunity they had to show their affection towards me. Every greeting and goodbye was now accompanied by kisses on the cheeks and endless ‘I love you’s. They demanded to hear how my days were every time we came together at the dinner table. After every self defense class I taught in school, Ava went on and on about how much her friends had praised me afterwards. And each evening that wasn’t spent with Mia, was spent cuddling on the couch with my Mom and sister.
On the days Mia didn’t stay overnight, I woke up the next morning with one or both of them cuddled up to me in bed. Of course, they both had picked up on my guilt about what I did with Mom despite having Mia as my girlfriend, and they seemed to respect that. So, whenever they snuck into my bed, they were more or less fully clothed and nothing ever happened. At least nothing overtly sexual, though another form of affection had manifested itself over those days.
Mom also called her lawyer and instructed her to make Aaron’s lawyer the new offer. If he stopped stalling or otherwise making problems, he could keep the investment account while they split everything else fairly. It took him a few days, but he ultimately agreed. I guess he finally came to terms with the reality of not being able to force Mom and Ava back into his life.
It was about two weeks after the confrontation with Grandpa, when something happened that had an disturbingly strong effect on me, and finally made me realize how far we had come.