He was to go to his daughter in bath to watch. 'Dat is the intention,' he said, 'that is also precisely the idea.' He felt when light, light and not overindebted.
There will be at least two times he reads the e-mail that he has written he on 'Send'.
The child is in his lap. It is to do good. It has everything followed what ship's steward has done and said and at the same time it all seems to be past her. Kaisa draws no conclusions from what they can see and hear.
Now he opens his own e-mail. He reads the e-mail has sent him Tirza net.
The sun visor Tirza 'Queen,' he says. More against themselves than against the girl on his lap. As if he surprised what he has written. Like he still did not expect.
From his inner pocket he retrieves his telephone and gazing to the message that Tirza sent him, he calls the wife.
She takes it quickly. She is probably in the garden, or in the living room on the sofa. In an old crypto grams to resolve.
'I,' he says.
'And? There is news?'
The child in his lap lasts her hands off to the keyboard. Gently he pushes the hand away.
'Yes, there is news. I have received an e-mail of Tirza.'
Ship's steward will continue to watch the message that he himself typed. It is for him that he does not know, is not yet good enough. He would the message should read again. He would have to learn from his head.
'It is in the desert,' he says.
'And? Is it correct? What happened? Why did they not also called or emailed earlier?'
The voice of the wife sounds very different than he is used.
'It is good. There is nothing happened.'
The wife does not sound relieved. Its relationship with Tirza has always been complicated. It appears that there would be no relief that her child is still alive. Life is not really a relief. The death perhaps. Ship's steward would agree to think about. If he has time. He understands itself not with which he has so busy.
'And what she writes?'
Ship's steward reads the e-mail in its entirety for. He is satisfied. The word choice, the short sentences. The message is not too long, and yet it is all about what should be in. That intense yumminess, that he likes. The touched him.
'And now?" asks the wife. 'you now to house?'
Ship's steward rubs his mouth. This is the question to which he has not included. On all questions, but not on that. 'I first go to the desert,' he says. 'I do find her now i am here. It must be nice. Empty, many sandy, this seems to have life when it started life.'
Also is they are silent. It seems as if the wife should think again. 'and the dress," she says, 'de dress that I have given you take that for her note?'
'Of course, of course I take that for her. He is located in my wardrobe. He will note. She will be pleased with them. It is a real desert dress.'
'Let's hear something," she says, 'let's hear something soon. I am pleased. And Ibi will also be pleased.' In her voice he hears a strange doubt. Doubt, he thinks, or they ever hear something of it will. The doubt that lets you talk about someone for always has disappeared.
'I will do,' he says, 'I will call you. As soon as I'm back from the desert i call you.'
'I miss you.'
He moves the phone from one ear to the other.
'What do you mean?'
'As I am doing.'
'That's not,' he says, 'You do me not to be missed. I come back again. And it is also too late, I mean to me to miss at all someone to miss.'
'It is empty here. Please forgive me something?'
He looks at the child in his lap.
'No, nothing. I mean, ach. Things as they are. I do not blame you take. That is what i mean. Nothing.'
'say that I of her Tirza hold, if you see her.' He considers that doubt in its voice to be heard, but he will represent themselves.
'I will.'
'And Jörgen…'
'Yes?'
'It will nevertheless,?'
He let the question unanswered. With a short greeting he closes the call.
He puts the child on the ground and pay at the desk.
'and the girl asks?' of the internet cafe. 'There is news? If you have something to learn?'
'They rightly,' he says, "my daughter, she is rightly, she is in the desert.'
'i said it not?'
He nods.
'Children' says the girl, 'not understand how worried parents can. I have one of two and only now I understand my mother.'
'Yes, yes, you understand your parents until you have children.' ship's steward says but what. He has never understood his parents and vice versa.
He leaves the matter. A corner away for the office of South African Airways he says against child: 'You must the people calm down. It is not always as tidy but it must. A calm man is a happy man. I can not against sadness, against panic. I want the people are calm. I hate hysteria. Emotions, that is the curse of this time, emotions.' He speaks the word out as if it is a dirty word. 'De openness, the proud out, faith in it,' he whispers, 'madness, madness. The feeling is a faith that needs to be overcome.'
Than he opens his briefcase to check whether he Tirza's notebook and its agenda has taken from the internet cafe. Everything must sit, is still in the bag. Only he still has no sharpener purchased. Forget the still. And he can also not remember what sharpener is in English.
'I Are you leaving,' he says, 'we need to say goodbye. It was nice, but I must go. I go to my daughter, and you go to your family. Thanks for everything.' He hesitates, he knows what he is no longer have to say. People clash with their shopping bags against him. 'You need me now really tell us where you live.'
He picks up her face, she crouches down next, and again he says with a hard, desperate voice, as if he is afraid to lose its never will become more: 'where you live, Kaisa? Your mother will surely want you to slowly but surely agree that home?'
She shakes her head. 'I must work,' she whispers.
It shakes the child by each other. 'Where do you live?' he calls in the main street of Wind Angle. 'Kaisa, where do you live?' people watch.
They call a name. A Street, a family, a district, a café perhaps. He has no idea.
It refers to a name that he did not remember and which he also has hardly means, but it is something it is enough.
'I bring you there,' he says.
On Independence Avenue he holds a taxi. In the taxi he let the child repeat the name. He has no idea where they go, but they go to the house of Kaisa. So much is certain.
The taxi is such a taxi that you share with other people. Others steps in and out. Ship's steward must take the child on her lap. Next to him is a fat Negress with two bags and in addition to her a man. In the small car he receives the slow stuffy.
'Is your mother sometimes worried,' he asks soft to the child, 'if you are a few days not home? She makes than ensuring?'
The child shakes the head, it may also be that ship's steward the his doctrine that the vehicle. The driver is hard. There are bumps in the road.
'I,' he says, "From the moment Tirza was born, i saw everywhere i saw everywhere accidents, the disaster. One moment of inattention. There was no more was needed. In order to always be punished. By Tirza i saw the world as it is, dangerous, by and by dangerous. Inhospitable and illogical. A HEATING tube, a elevator door, a bathtub, everywhere danger. Aching. Young children have no fear. You have to be their fear learning, you need the fear on them e.g. embossed, you must learn their shudder. "Au," you must say, "that is au. And that is au. And that too is au." You have young children afraid, otherwise they will go dead.'
They drive by depart from Windhoek where he never has been.