“You think? You don’t know?”
“I thought we worked it out. She seemed normal afterward, and she was even cheerful at the flea market later. Suddenly, Monday morning at school she was moody and she hasn’t said more than a couple words to me until this afternoon.”
Camille noticed that. “What happened this afternoon?”
“Kristen disrupted rehearsal. I told her to either grow up or stop attending. She took off after that.”
“Jim, you need to talk. You’ll need to give me more than three short sentences. How did Kris disrupt rehearsal?”
“Do you know Amy Grant?”
“Transfer student from Wichita, Kansas, right?”
I was amazed. Camille seemed to know everybody in school. “Yeah, her.”
“Amy is as shy as a kid caught stealing candy. What about her?”
“Kristen and Amy seem to be close friends. They talk to one another a lot during rehearsals.”
“Even today?”
“Even today.”
“Let me guess. You got angry that Kris is talking to Amy and not to you. You accused her of disrupting rehearsal, even though she’s been doing that for a few weeks. Did you also threaten to not let Kris go to any more rehearsals?”
I didn’t answer, but I guess my mouth open in shock answered for me.
“I see. I would have told you to go screw yourself. You fucked up big time, Jim.”
My heart sank. “Cammy, I really love her!”
Camille nodded. “Let’s see. Last Sunday, the argument was about sex, right?”
I didn’t answer. I was in shock. Camille was a fucking mind reader.
It was silent in the car for a while. Finally, Camille said, “Yup. You screwed up royally. Let me make some predictions. Kristen won’t talk with you any more. She won’t take your phone calls, and she certainly won’t let you near her house. You’re up Shit Creek without a paddle.”
“But I didn’t do anything!” I protested.
“That’s right. You didn’t do anything. You just told me you love her. When was the last time you told her that?”
Huh? “I don’t remember.”
“Did you tell her since your argument?”
“I may have,” I said, trying to think. “I’m not sure. I definitely told her before the argument—Saturday night.” I said this automatically, figuring that Camille would have read my mind anyway.
“Jim, Jim, Jim,” Camille said, shaking her head. “Where did you learn about girls?”
“I guess it was that day when I was with you, Patty, and Wendy.”
“Kneely Park? That was your introduction to girls?”
“Well, that day, anyway.”
“Fuck, Jim!” Camille said, totally surprised. “I thought you’ve been dating girls before! You seemed quite sure of yourself that night.”
“Kristen’s my first girlfriend.”
“That is puppy love, like Sherry and you. Are you Kristen’s first as well?”
“Sort of.”
Camille looked at me, but got no more information from me about Kristen’s first. She had been around when Kristen had described her first time with a boy—her brother Will—and I think Camille realized that. She turned the key in her ignition. “Fuck, Jim. This is out of my league. Let’s think about this overnight. Either I or Patty will pick you up tomorrow morning.”
Camille didn’t say anything else until we got in front of my house. “Jim, I wish you good luck, but this has probably been fucked up for a while.”
“What do you mean?”
“You are both venturing into uncharted waters. Neither of you have any idea what direction you are going, or where you intend to go.”
“I want to marry Kristen. She wants to marry me.” It wasn’t until I blurted that out to Camille that I had realized that I had truly felt that way.
Camille stared at me. “I’ll give you this. You both definitely love one another. You just have this big mountain between you that you have to climb. If she didn’t hate you on Monday, she does now after your little tiff after practice.”
I slept fitfully that night.
Camille’s words really bothered me. Did Kristen really hate me? I hadn’t felt this low about Kristen since I found out what the tickets had done to her. I had thought that we were doing so great. I was really learning about her on Saturday. Didn’t she say she wanted me to meet her brother?
What had changed? Whatever it was, Camille seemed to think it might have been doomed from the start. So why had it felt so fucking right?
The way that Cammy had figured out everything indicated to me that I had done something classically wrong. I hadn’t told Kristen I loved her. I got jealous over her helping Amy. Kristen was moody about something, but Camille pointed out that I was moody as well. I accepted the fact that I may have been acting moody, but it was because Kristen was in a bad mood. It wasn’t just me, was it?
I had another sex dream that night. I felt Kristen nuzzling me, taking my dick in her mouth and sucking quietly. I woke up, swearing that the sensation was real, but it was apparently just my overworked imagination.
The words to an Elton John song came into my mind: “Love lies bleeding in my hands.” That was how I felt. My heart was not only broken, but it felt like I was bleeding inside. How could I have been so stupid as to let Kristen get so angry as to hate me?
I got out of bed, and turned on my desk lamp. I got out the first piece of paper that I could find, which was music manuscript paper. I turned it over and wrote on the back:
Dear Kristen,
I’m a complete asshole. I’m sorry.
I love you. Please forgive me.
J.
It was a simple statement and said exactly what I felt. This was probably all my fault, and the only way I could see my way out of it would be to beg Kristen’s forgiveness. I also said that I loved her; Camille was right in that I hadn’t said that to her in a while.
Of course, I’d never get up the nerve to hand the note to her, even if Kristen would have anything to do with me. Regardless, this was about as much as I could do at this time and place. I folded up the note and put it into my attaché case.
Camille picked me up in the morning, and she wasn’t too optimistic about my chances.
“I’ve decided to tell her that I’m sorry, that I’m an asshole, and that I love her,” I told Camille.
Camille glanced at me impressed, and then said, “She’s going to avoid you. Patty told me to remind you that she’s a little scared of you.”
That was Patty’s way of reminding me that Kristen knew about my tickets. Even though I did not intend to use them like that, Kristen might feel threatened that I might.
I sighed. “I’ll remember that, Cammy. Thanks.”
The two of us didn’t say much more on the drive into school. I noticed Kristen’s car parked in her usual spot, but my girlfriend was nowhere around.
I thanked Camille for the ride, and walked into the school.
Sherry was bubbling over during first period. She was feeling very happy with herself. “I’m in!” she said, excitedly.
“I thought they wouldn’t let you know until Monday,” I said, remembering what Camille had told me.
“There’s a game on Saturday, and they want me there. I got a perfect ten!”
“That’s wonderful, Sherry!” Despite the awful way I felt about my argument with Kristen, I knew that I should be happy for Sherry. At least life was going well for somebody in this world and Sherry was indeed a nice person.
“I just wanted to thank you again!” Sherry said.
I nodded and sighed. I forced a smile and said, “Congratulations, Sherry. It couldn’t happen to a nicer person.”