“Jim Crittenhouse,” I said, offering my hand to Tiny.
“You are a mean mother on the horn,” Tiny said, smiling.
“I’ve heard you called the same on the wrestling mat,” I said with a laugh.
Tiny had a deep laugh that shook his entire body.
“Now, who is this problem that you want me to take care of?” Tiny asked, getting right to the point.
Since only the four of us were around, I decided to cut right to the chase. “His name is Tim Hawking.”
“The tenth grade nerd? He can’t hurt a fly.”
“He’s raped a couple of cheerleaders already,” I corrected Tiny.
Tiny’s eyes widened. “I’ll take care of that…”
“Wait, Tiny,” I called, seeing murder in Tiny’s eyes. Tiny was sort of a mascot to the cheerleaders. “Here, have a ticket.”
“You have one wish,” Tiny intoned.
It was weird hearing that from the two hundred fifty pound behemoth.
“Answer the next set of questions truthfully until I say ‘Truth Serum Off.’ You will not remember me asking them.”
“Your wish is my command.”
“Has anybody ever handed you any one of these tickets before?”
“No.”
I felt a surge of relief. I handed Tiny another ticket.
“You have one wish.”
“You will not accept another ticket like this from anyone ever again.”
“I cannot grant that wish.”
Huh? It worked before.
“Why not?” I asked.
Luckily, the “truth serum” wish was still in effect.
“You cannot wish that I cannot accept a ticket from you.”
That was weird. “All right, then. You will not accept another ticket like this from anybody other than me.”
“Your wish is my command.”
“Truth serum off.”
Tiny looked a bit disoriented. “Listen, Tiny. We just want to keep Tim Hawking from disturbing the party.”
“If he’s raped some cheerleaders, they should call the police.”
“It’s not black and white like that, Tiny. The girls just found themselves… trapped by him. It’s difficult and the girls find it difficult…”
“My mama’s a rape counselor,” Tiny said.
“Shit,” Camille said, suddenly remembering that little fact.
“Huh?” Tiny asked, totally confused.
I handed Tiny another ticket.
“You have one wish.”
“Forget about rape. Tim Hawking is just a nuisance, and we’d like you to help us keep him from the party.”
“Your wish is my command.”
One again, Tiny looked disoriented.
“Tiny?” I asked.
“Yeah?” Tiny said, shaking his head.
“Your mother is a rape counselor, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I have a friend, Patty Nadal…”
“The red head?” Tiny asked.
“Yeah. She had a problem a couple of years ago.”
“Who’s the dead mother that did it?”
Oh, shit. Tiny was back in “knight in shining armor” mode. I could see why the cheerleaders loved him.
“It was years ago, Tiny. The guy graduated. She’s only now getting her life back together. Do you think your mom…”
“She works at the precinct,” Tiny said, frowning a bit. “She’ll be happy to talk with your friend. But you should never allow a rapist to walk away. There will always be another victim, sure as shit.”
I nodded. I found myself actually warming to this big lug. It was strange that I never considered him as possible friend material.
“Mind if I ask a question?” Tiny asked.
“I don’t mind. What’s up?”
“You’re a tenth grader,” Tiny said. “You’re dating Ms. Swift.”
That wasn’t a question. “Would you believe that I love this Goddess?”
Tiny looked at Kristen and then back at me. After a few moments, he said, “Yeah. I really believe that. I’m sorry to bring it up. It just seemed strange to me.”
“It was strange to me, Tiny. Can you believe that I once disliked her? I thought she was responsible for me losing a friend. In fact, I misjudged her, but we discovered that we really love one another.”
Tiny smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “I once thought that June was stuck up. Then Cammy here introduced us. She wasn’t what I thought at all. June’s going to be a nurse.”
Tiny’s story was similar to mine, without the tickets, of course. We actually managed to start to develop a friendship that day.
“This guy, Tim Hawking, has a similar dislike for the cheerleaders,” I said.
Tiny nodded. “I’ll help him adjust his attitude.”
“You’re not going to hurt him, are you?” Camille asked.
Tiny turned to Camille. “I’d never hurt anybody, Cammy.”
I thought about the hundreds of opponents in football and wrestling that would take issue with Tiny’s statement, but wisely didn’t say anything. There was a big difference between a monitored athletic event and a big kid bullying a smaller and younger one.
Camille invited everybody in. Camille’s aunt looked a little nervous at Tiny, but was immediately enamored of Tiny when he introduced himself quite formally.
After Jackie’s mom went in to fix the refreshments, Camille said, “See, Tiny. A little manners go a long way.”
“Yeah, Cammy. I’m glad I’ll be able to at least pay you back a little bit for all the help you’ve been over the years.”
Camille nodded. “Thanks, TB.”
Jackie was assembling some albums for her record changer. Camille went to the kitchen to help her aunt fix up some snacks.
I felt in my pockets and realized that I had used up all the tickets that I had on my person on Tiny. I used more than I had thought I would need to handle him, and I hoped that I wouldn’t be caught short when Tim showed up. I did have others nearby in a safe place, though.
“Where did you learn to play the horn, Oogie?” Tiny asked.
“Fifth grade. I knew piano before that. I play other instruments as well.”
We made small talk for a few minutes before the doorbell rang. Tiny and I walked to the door to answer it.
It was Lynette Robbins, the head cheerleader. She looked a bit nervous. “Is that asshole here?”
I was about to answer when Tiny said, “Not yet, and he won’t be here if I have something to say about it.”
Lynette looked relieved. We invited her in, and we saw another car pull up with Maria Wilson.
A few minutes later, I saw Tiny stiffen. I looked outside, and saw Tim Hawking striding purposely up the sidewalk.
“I’ll handle this…” Tiny said, springing into action.
Tim looked stunned as he saw the huge line backer approach him. He froze, and Tiny took advantage of the situation.
“Excuse me, asshole. This event is for cheerleaders and their dates and guests. I’ve been told you’re persona non grata. That’s French and means that you are not wanted here.”
Tim hurriedly reached into his jacket pocket, but Tiny thought that he might be going for a weapon. Like lightning, Tiny pulled Tim’s hand out of his parka. As this happened, a whole roll of tickets flew out of his pocket. Tim looked at his precious tickets, and in a panic, started to dive for it. It wasn’t a brilliant move, since Tiny still had a firm grip on his right hand, which was now behind Tim’s back.
When I saw the tickets, I made a dash for them. Tiny didn’t expect me to move behind him, and he lowered his guard. Nevertheless, I still managed to get to the roll of tickets before Tim did.
I saw Tim start to fall down toward me, his right arm in pain, and I briefly wished that these tickets had never been around.