Camille’s eyes went wide. "Patty? Never see you again? Are you fuckin' nuts? She’d never do that to you!"
"Huh?" I asked. Camille hadn’t seen the look of anger in Patty’s eyes.
"Patty adores you," Camille said. "She spends all her time with you. You’re all she talks about. So you fucked up. You’re fuckin' human, goddammit!"
"Well, news flash: Patty hates me," I said, not wanting to listen to Camille.
Camille just shook her head. I looked at Wendy, who did the same.
I sighed. For older and supposedly smarter girls, they sure were difficult to talk to.
Wendy told me where the bathroom in the back was, and I went in. I didn’t recognize the face that looked at me in the mirror. Did I look that bad? I almost looked worse than Kristen had, if that was possible.
DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! I had almost fucked up a girl’s life, and now the one special girl in my life was totally angry with me.
I sat on the toilet and cried.
I don’t know how long I sat there. I was thinking of all the adjectives that described how despicable I was. I had probably figured out more than ever appeared in Roget, especially since they didn’t put slang or four-letter words in that book.
I heard a knock at the door.
"Go away," my voice croaked.
The door opened anyway, and Patty walked in.
Patty was the last person that I wanted to see right now. I didn’t need to feel any more guilt. I had more than I could handle at the present.
I turned away from Patty, and continued my list of adjectives. I wondered if "execrable" was a real word, or was it "excremental…" or was that just another word for "shitty?"
"Jim," I heard Patty say through the fog of my brain. "Don’t go killing yourself over this."
"Leave me alone," I wailed, tears freely flowing down my face.
Patty sighed and slapped me in the face. I was stunned.
"Get a fucking hold of yourself, Jim!"
I put my hand to my cheek, which was burning. Patty had slapped me! I knew she was angry, but she was angry enough to beat me up!
I just looked down at my knees. I had lost the best thing that had happened to me since I had found those fucking tickets. I actually hadn’t considered killing myself until Patty mentioned it. I wondered if there were any razors in the bathroom that I could cut my wrists with.
"JIM! LOOK AT ME!"
"What?" I asked. "You don’t need to tell me how revolting, repulsive, detestable I am…"
"JIM! I SAID LOOK AT ME!"
I refused to look at Patty. My mind fell in love with the word "detestable" and I idly wondered the etymology of that word. Did it have anything to do with the word "test?"
Once again, I was shocked by another slap in the face, this time to the other cheek.
"OW!" I cried, looking up at Patty.
"I’m not angry with you… Jimma."
Jimma? I thought back, and realized that this was the three girls' "friend" name for me. I wondered what kind of sick trick Patty was attempting to pull.
"Jim!" Patty said. "I said, I’m not angry with you!"
I waited for the other shoe to drop.
"Jim… Jimma…" Patty said, trying to get through the black cloud in my brain.
I wondered what had been going on outside this bathroom, and I said, aloud, "Did Kristen leave? God, I hate myself! Detestable. That’s the word that describes me. Detestable."
"Stop it, Jim," Patty ordered. "Kristen’s still here. You invited her to Vaughn’s, remember?"
Vaughn’s? I remembered asking the girls. Had I asked Kristen? Why would I? The poor girl must hate my pathetic and detestable guts.
"Jim… Vaughn’s. You invited us, and then you invited Kristen. Kristen accepted. Don’t you remember?"
Had I? I tried to remember being in the foyer, but my mind was focused on trying to work out a topper for "pathetic."
"Jim!" Patty said. She sighed, realizing that she was getting nowhere. "Jim… I love you."
Somehow, through the mists of my mind, those four words echoed and echoed, finding their way to me on my deserted island with a million copies of Roget’s Thesaurus.
Patty loves me? But she hates me! The two can’t possibly coexist.
I looked up, and saw Patty for the first time. I didn’t see anger in her eyes. I saw concern.
Patty was concerned about me?
"You’re back," Patty said, seeing some spark of life come back to my eyes.
"Yeah. You must hate me," I said sourly.
"I love you," Patty answered. "I was angry at you, but you sort of made things right. I’m proud of what you did in the foyer. That girl needed somebody to hold her, and you did. You treated her as a friend."
"I did?" I asked, totally confused.
Patty nodded. "Kristen’s in a weird place right now. If she had gone any longer, she might have had a mental breakdown. She’s fragile, but she’s a strong willed girl. You have to admit that."
"I’m glad she’s strong," I said, still feeling angry at myself.
Patty continued, "She’s strong, but she needed somebody to hold her. You were that somebody. You invited her to Vaughn’s."
My mind was still full of raw emotions. I never realized the depth of the bond between Patty and me.
"Jim… Kristen’s starving. You invited us all to Vaughn’s. I love you. Doesn’t any of this make sense to you?"
I looked at Patty, and did see love in her face. I got up off the toilet seat and fell into her arms. I cried like a baby.
Patty kissed me, and brought me to the sink. She wet a washcloth and tried to make me look presentable. It was a chore; my eyes were red from crying, and both cheeks were red and bore Patty’s hand prints.
Finally, Patty got me as clean as she could get me, and said, "Come on. We’re going out. You’re driving with me."
We exited the bathroom, and went back into the kitchen. "Where are the girls?" I asked Patty.
"They went ahead to Vaughn’s," Patty said. "We’re to meet them."
I nodded.
In the foyer, I was surprised to see Kristen there. She had a look of confusion on her face, but also one of apprehension.
I couldn’t think of what to say to Kristen. And then, unbidden, I said, "Please forgive me, Kristen."
Kristen just nodded.
"C’mon," said Patty. "I need to get the two of you to the restaurant."
Kristen sat between Patty and I in Patty’s car. After seeing Kristen get into the passenger side, I started to move to the back door, but Patty gave me a look that indicated that I should sit next to Kristen. I obeyed. Kristen looked a bit nervous, but simply moved into the center of the bench seat.
We drove in silence, and Patty eventually pulled into Vaughn’s parking lot. Patty got out of the car, and as I started to get out, I felt Kristen touch my arm. I stopped.
"I forgive you," Kristen said, quietly. "But I don’t think I’ll ever forget this experience."
Chapter 9
Lunch at Vaughn’s was OK. I ordered a hamburger, but only had a bite or two of it. Kristen ordered one as well, and finished it. Although I knew Kristen was hungry, she gave no outward signs of it.
The girls talked mostly about school, and Patty drew Kristen into the conversation in much the same way that she had done so with me on previous occasions. After about fifteen minutes, Kristen seemed to liven up, realizing that the girls really wanted her to talk.
Patty gave me looks during the meal, and tried also to bring me into the conversation, but I wasn’t feeling like talking. I was still feeling quite lousy about what I had done to Kristen.