"I’m still looking for somebody that will love ME the same way that I thought I loved that stupid jock. I may never find him, but I hope that I will. I know that you don’t feel that special love with me, and it’s all right with me; I don’t feel that way toward you, either."
I nodded at Patty.
Patty continued, "If the two of us work at it, we could probably fall in love with one another. But we don’t really connect that way, and that’s all right. It’s not your fault and it isn’t mine. We’re friends, and sometimes, friendship is as important as love is."
I nodded vigorously. "I’ve figured out how important friendship was this past week. It almost killed me when I thought I made you angry with what I did with Kristen. I realized how important your friendship is to me, and I actually enjoy the friendship that I have with all of you: Wendy, Camille, and Kristen as well as you yourself."
Patty studied me and said, "Yes. You have figured friendship out, and that’s a good start."
I beamed under Patty’s praise.
"Getting back to Kristen, though…" Patty said, eager to redirect the talk. "I’ve seen the two of you together. Last night, you asked me to give you a hand job, even calling me Patricia in front of my friends. I felt so happy, so turned on… but… you were looking at Kristen when you asked me."
"I was not…"
"Yes you were, Jim," Patty said. "And it’s OK. I see the way that you stare at her, the way you look at her with those big puppy dog eyes. I see the way you hang on every word she says. How if we need to take a more than one car, you are the one that offers to go with Kristen."
"You’re saying that…"
"Let me finish!" Patty said, her voice just a little louder to make her point. "Kristen does the same things, in her own way, Jim. She listens, really listens, when you say something. If you suggest something, it’s the best idea she’s ever heard. She loves you and she’s in love with you. And, whether or not you care to admit it to yourself, you are in-fucking-completely in love with her!"
I sat there, stunned, slowly shaking my head. Kristen may love me, maybe she’s even in love with me. But me… in love with Kristen?
My mother had told me the same thing. How were these females getting their wires crossed?
Patty looked at me, silently letting her words sink in to my brain.
"Patty, my mother said the same thing, and I’ve been thinking about it. Sure, I like looking at Kristen — she’s a good looking girl! Gorgeous, in fact. I think of her as my little blonde Goddess, even. I like her long, straight, blonde hair. I like her, but do I love her?"
Patty thought for a few seconds. "Tell me more about her hair."
I thought about Kristen’s hair. "It’s long, and it looks soft. Sometimes, I think about running my fingers through it. I’ve seen pictures of models with hair like that. I guess Camille’s hair is almost like that, but Kristen’s is nicer."
"What about Wendy’s hair?" Patty asked, smiling.
What did Wendy’s hair look like? She was blonde, right? "Um… Curly hair… also a blonde. Right?"
Patty said, "Heh! Wendy’s is more wavy than curly. So, what else do you like about Kristen?"
"Why are you asking?"
"Come on, Jim. Tell me. I just want to know what you think about her."
I thought a bit. "Well, she crinkles her nose right before she giggles when somebody says something funny. I like that."
Patty thought about that, and then said, "That’s not true."
"Huh? She does crinkle her nose!"
"Yeah, but only when YOU say something funny. She didn’t do it last night when Wendy almost choked her when she joked about you being the living dead, or whatever."
I hadn’t noticed that. "That’s not the point…"
Patty nodded. "Sorry. continue."
"Hmmm. I like the way she sucks me, but I think it’s mostly because of the programming I did because I made her think it tastes so good."
"How does she suck you differently?" Patty asked.
"Now, Patty…" I said, not wishing to hurt her feelings. "I’m not making this a contest. But Kristen just does it differently. Like… she never uses her hands. She concentrates everything on her lips and her tongue and her mouth. I think she even took me into her throat last night. Is that what they mean by Deep Throat? You know, the movie?"
Patty smiled. "Yes. She deep throated you last night. I’ve never seen anybody do that before. I think I’d gag if I tried. But you’re changing the subject."
"Sorry."
"That’s OK," Patty smiled, moving in for the kill. "But now, let me point out something to you. You referred to her as YOUR little blonde Goddess. Doesn’t that sound like you’re being possessive?"
"Huh?"
Patty pressed on. "You think of her as yours. Now that you’ve mentioned it, I have to admit that I’ve seen Kristen crinkle her nose, but you noticed that she does it right before she giggles. I had to think whether or not she did it last night at the park. You notice those little things about her. You fantasize about running your fingers through her hair. That sounds romantic, by the way."
I think I started to blush.
"You’re afraid to admit it, but you’re just as madly in love with Kristen as she is with you."
Patty’s words made sense, but I wasn’t sure if my mind really wanted to accept it. "Well," I asked, "then how come I can hardly find anything to say to her?"
Patty said, "I think it may be your age, and the fact that you haven’t dated before. Kristen does the same thing, she gets tongue-tied when she tries to talk directly to you. I never talked to her about old boyfriends, so I don’t know if she’s actually dated. I don’t remember hearing about her dating anybody, but then up until recently, Kristen wasn’t a subject that I was very much interested in."
I nodded. "Well, she said she wasn’t a virgin…" I paused, remembering the details of what Kristen reported was her "first time."
Patty understood. "Yeah. But anyway, the two of you are in love, as much in love as I have seen any people."
"I need to think about this."
Patty nodded, and said, "Do that. Be truthful with yourself." She got up and got dressed.
I watched Patty… I really love watching girls dress, especially when they don’t appear self-conscious doing so.
When Patty finished dressing, she looked at me. "Aren’t you getting dressed? We’ve got an appointment to meet your little blonde Goddess!" Patty smiled as she said that.
I knew now that I was going to be sorry that I had told Patty about the blonde Goddess thing. "Um…"
"Oh, you!" Patty giggled. "Stop blushing!"
I shook my head. "Um, my mom hasn’t gotten up yet," I said.
"Leave her a note. Tell her you’re having breakfast with us."
I shrugged.
Patty went to my dresser and picked out a nice shirt for me to wear. It was a shirt that my mom bought, hoping I’d wear it to school, but I usually preferred to wear T-shirts. I didn’t complain when Patty picked it out, however. I just put it on.
The two of us went downstairs, and I left a note for my mom telling her that I was with Patty going to visit Kristen.
We drove in Patty’s car to Kristen’s house, which was a large house on the outskirts of town. There was a gate in the driveway, and Patty pulled up to it. She pushed a button on a box near the gate, and a voice came on "Good morning, Miss Nadal."
"Kristen’s expecting us, Billy," Patty said.
The gate opened.