I immediately felt guilty, but not directly for what I did to Kristen… but for making Patty mad at me because I had done it. I didn’t really feel anything for Kristen, until I saw her there, the haughty princess brought down so completely to such a state where she was just standing there, her whole life almost completely shattered.
It was then, and only then, did I ever feel anything toward Kristen. She was lovely, but that wasn’t important. It took me a few moments, but I realized that she was a human being, and didn’t deserve to be treated like an animal. My heart finally went out to her, mostly to ask forgiveness, and also to attempt to make things better for her.
For the first time, somebody actually treated Kristen as a person… a friend. It was quite ironic that the person that became a friend to her was the same person that had defiled her, who had raped her. And she forgave me, and in her very fragile state, she even fell in love with me.
I was quite an amateur when it came to matters of the heart. But I had to ask myself, what is Kristen’s love for me based upon? Was it the fact that she’s still addicted to my dick and sperm? Or was it the fact that I held her when she needed to be held? How about the fact that I raped her and showed her how powerful I was? Wouldn’t that have made her less receptive to me, of all people? So… what was the basis for her love?
For that matter, what’s the basis for my love of Kristen? Of all the people in our little circle, three actually stood out as having a close relationship with me, and only one of them was Kristen.
One person was Patty, a person who was impressed by my power (using the tickets, of course) and gave herself willingly to me. She said her reason was that I had been the first person that had been able to allow her to achieve orgasm since a very traumatic rape she experienced. Her relationship with me bordered on love, but it wasn’t the romantic love that she was now looking for. We did become very close friends, and she was the first person that I ever confided to about the tickets. She was now an important part of my life, and I feel honored that she liked me, even after seeing the nasty side of me that had defiled Kristen.
Another person I was close with was Patrice. I had known her for many years, and we had been friends up until she entered junior high. I used to confide in her, and we used to hang out together. Then she found new friends, and didn’t have a place for me anymore. Thanks to Kristen and Patty, Patrice was back as a friend, but I noticed that she now tended to avoid me a bit. Could this have been due to the fact that she’s one of the people that I consider may have been raped by me? I had told her to forget it, but what if she still somehow knew that there was some traumatic memory that is telling her to keep away from me… that I’m dangerous?
The third person, Kristen, is, of course, a friend and a lover, and the more I knew about Kristen, the more I found myself loving her. Isn’t that true love? Surely, I wasn’t the one to be able to know this, as it was my first time ever being in love romantically. My only knowledge of love was from stories, movies, and television shows. My mother and Patty told me that I was in love with Kristen, and they were more experienced than I was in these matters. Or were they?
Patty and Kristen became best friends right after the junkie incident. As I mentioned, Patty and I were also close friends. But what if Patty’s reading of the situation was just wishful thinking on her part? What if I really wasn’t totally head-over-heels in love with Kristen, but Patty had wanted that as a fairy tale ending to what she perceived to be Kristen’s not-so-easy life?
Yesterday’s outburst by Kristen told me that Kristen wasn’t in a place where she could have doubts about our relationship. And, if what I felt toward Kristen wasn’t true love, it seemed to be enough for her right now. Maybe I should just play it safe until Kristen became more comfortable with an expanding circle of genuine friends. That would probably be the safe move for now. Discussing my doubts with her would hardly be constructive for her at this point.
But also not telling her about my doubts would be dishonest with her. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t hurt her, but what if telling the truth could hurt her? What was my obligation in this situation?
My mind kept running around in circles over that, until I felt increased suction on my penis, and saw the lovely Kristen’s eyes were now open. I raised my head and said, and put my doubts and the conundrum aside. I smiled and said, "Good morning, Star Shine."
Kristen smiled and, with my dick still in her mouth, she started humming the chorus of that song: "Gliddy glub glooby… Nibby nabby nooby… La la la lo lo!"
I giggled, thinking that the singer Oliver never imagined the nonsense words to be coming from a little blonde Goddess happily sucking my dick.
I thought about that song. It was from the Broadway musical "Hair" and, of course, just thinking about that musical’s name reminded me of my own fondness of my running my fingers through Kristen’s hair. I smiled as I caressed her head, and started playing with little strands of her hair. I found myself singing aloud, accompanied by Kristen’s continued humming: "Sabba sibby sabba, Ooby abba nabba, La la lo lo…"
Kristen raised her eyes to look at me, a sparkle showing in them, as I continued serenading her: "Ooby ooby walla, Ooby abba nabba… Early morning singing song."
Kristen actually released my cock and said, "I love your singing voice. Until you sang for me that day in school, I never realized that you could sing, Jim."
"My singing voice is probably better suited as the voice of Kermit the Frog," I said, referring to Jim Henson’s "Muppet" that appeared on Sesame Street and was seen more and more frequently as a guest on various variety shows on television.
"Don’t put yourself down," Kristen said. "You are obviously gifted. Wendy says that Gerry told her that you put that whole music session together from scratch in less than twenty four hours!"
"Yeah, but I made Roy’s mike louder than mine," I said, not feeling comfortable hearing praise like that. "It was his voice you were hearing, mostly. Not mine."
"Jim," Kristen smiled. "You just need a little more confidence."
Confidence. That was really what I lacked. Not so much about my singing voice, but in my feelings toward Kristen. Her outburst yesterday had shattered whatever confidence that I had before about our love, which was probably why all those doubts were now swimming in my head.
Kristen, unaware of the tempest inside my brain, looked back at my cock and went back to her sucking. I lay in bed, feeling Kristen’s mouth on my cock, when an idea came into my head. I had to ask Kristen a question.
"Kris, what’s your favorite food?"
Kristen looked down at my crotch, and lifted my erect penis. "Does this count?"
I forced a smile, and said, "Not really. You said I taste better than chocolate. Is that your favorite food?"
My beautiful blonde Goddess furrowed her head, thinking. "Yeah," she said, her eyes starting to mist. "My dad gets some of this stuff imported from — where is it? — Columbia? Peru? Wherever. It tastes like heaven."
I smiled. "How often do you get to eat it?"
Kristen shrugged. "Once a month or so. We have a tiny stash in the kitchen for special occasions."
"Anything else you like to eat? Besides me?"
"Why are you asking, Jim?"
I was ready for that question and had a pat answer. "I realized that there is a lot about you that I don’t know. I want to know what you like to eat, what kind of movies you like. You know… everything that makes you so special."
Kristen rewarded me with one of her lovely smiles. "You’re sweet, you know that? Let’s see." Kristen paused, thinking. "You know the candy store in the mall?"