No one is who they say they are …
There are seven grey faces waiting for me in the borrowed room upstairs; Hattori, Takeda, Sanada, Shimoda, and Kimura; Ishida with his worries and Nishi with his black eye. No Fujita now …
They walked round Shiba all day yesterday. Investigation is footwork. They asked round Shiba all day yesterday. Investigation is footwork. They described the suspect all day yesterday. Investigation is footwork. They described the victim all day yesterday –
The yellow and dark-blue striped pinafore dress …
I ask Hattori and Takeda what they found out –
‘Nothing whatsoever,’ say Takeda and Hattori.
The white half-sleeved chemise and pink socks …
I ask Sanada and Shimoda what they found –
‘Nothing at all,’ they both tell me.
The white canvas shoes …
I ask Kimura and Ishida –
‘Nothing,’ they say.
But they are looking at me now with questions in their eyes. They are looking at me with doubts in their eyes –
But I am the head of the room …
They are looking at me now with dissent in their eyes. They are looking at me with hate in their eyes –
I am the head. I am the boss …
I divide them into different sets of pairs; Takeda and Ishida, Hattori and Shimoda, Sanada and Kimura. I leave Nishi for later –
I am the boss! I am the boss!
I hand two missing persons reports to Takeda and Ishida; Ishihara Michiko and Ōzeki Hiromi, aged sixteen and seventeen years old. I am the head of this room. I hand two missing persons reports to Hattori and Shimoda; Konuma Yasuyo and Sugai Seiko, aged seventeen and eighteen years old. I am the Boss of this Room. I hand two missing persons reports to Sanada and Kimura; Tanabe Shimeko and Honma Fumiko, both eighteen years old. I am the head! I tell Nishi to go and wait for me in the cells downstairs –
I am the boss! I am the boss! I am the boss!
‘These are all reports of missing girls aged fifteen to twenty,’ I tell the rest of the room. ‘And these are all reports of girls who went missing between the fifteenth and the thirty-first of July this year. And so one of these girls might be our girl…’
I am the boss! I am the boss!
‘So I want them found!’
I am the boss!
I run back to the toilets. I vomit again. Brown bile. I walk over to the sink. I spit. I wipe my mouth. I turn on the tap. I wash my face again. I look up into the mirror. I stare into that mirror –
No one is who they say they are …
Detective Nishi is waiting for me in the cells downstairs. Nishi with his black eye and darker fears. Nishi shocked now. Nishi surprised now. Nishi up against the cell wall. My face in his face. But Nishi knows what I want. Nishi must know what I want –
But he starts to apologize about yesterday. He starts to say, ‘I’m sorry about my behaviour yesterday. In the truck…’
I don’t want to hear his apologies or his lies –
Nishi knows why I’m here. He knows what I want. Nishi must know why I’m here. He must know what I want –
But Nishi keeps apologizing and lying –
‘I’m sorry,’ he says again and again. ‘My behaviour yesterday, it was unacceptable, in the truck. I’m sorry…’
But Nishi is lying. He must be lying. Nishi must know what I want. He must know why I’m here before I say, ‘I want that file.’
‘What file?’ asks Nishi and asks again, ‘What file …?’
He must know before I ask again, ‘Where is the file?’
‘What file?’ he asks and asks again, ‘What file …?’
‘The file you signed out!’ I shout. ‘That file!’ He shakes his head and says, ‘I don’t know.’
‘The Miyazaki Mitsuko file,’ I tell him –
He shakes his head again. ‘I don’t know.’
‘You mean, you don’t know where it is?’
‘No, I don’t know the file you mean.’
‘But you remember the Miyazaki Mitsuko case?’ I ask him. ‘The murder on the day of the surrender? The body in an air-raid shelter near Shinagawa? You remember?’
Nishi nods his head. Nishi says, ‘Now you tell me, yes.’
‘So where is the file you took from Headquarters?’
Nishi shakes his head. ‘I didn’t take any file.’
‘I saw your name in the log,’ I tell him.
Nishi says, ‘It wasn’t me. Really.’
There are questions in his eyes …
‘Then someone has used your name, used your seal, to sign out the Miyazaki Mitsuko case file?’
Nishi shakes his head again. Now Detective Nishi asks, ‘But why would anyone do that? Why?’
Innocence in his eyes …
‘It wasn’t even our case,’ he says. ‘It was the Kempeitai…’
Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton …
‘So there’ll hardly be anything in the file…’
Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton …
‘Surely just the barest of details…’
Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton …
‘The date and time of the crime…’
Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton …
‘The names of the witnesses…’
Ton-ton. Ton-ton …
‘The names of the officers…’
Ton-ton …
I step back from him. I step back from the cell wall. I turn towards the cell door. I start to walk out of the cell –
‘Boss?’ asks Detective Nishi. ‘What do you want me to do?’
I don’t turn back to him. I just tell him, ‘Wait upstairs…’
‘What if Detective Fujita comes back?’ asks Nishi –
‘Fujita is not coming back,’ I tell him and now I start to walk quicker, now I start to run, to run to the toilets upstairs –
I vomit. Yellow bile. I vomit again. Grey bile. Four times I have vomited. Black bile. Brown bile, yellow bile and grey. Four times I have stared into that mirror. Four times I have screamed –
No one is who they say they are!
*
In the ruins, among the rubble with a cigarette. Two little boys crouch down and watch me smoke, waiting for the dog-end. Two little boys in grey undershirts and baggy trousers, their faces and their arms as black as pitch. This ruin was once a printing shop that produced a newsletter showing daily rice prices. During the Shiba festivals, the owner would give away coloured paper to the local children and teach them how to make origami elephants and cranes. Now three little girls appear among the rubble and call to the two little boys. The little girls with their short hair and dirty faces. The two little boys ask for my dog-end and ask for my newspaper. I hand them the dog-end and I hand them the newspaper and the two little boys run over to the three girls. I watch the two little boys spread out my newspaper. I watch them crease and fold the paper into two GI hats. The three little girls stand among the rubble and call to the two little boys. In the ruins, the two little boys march up and down with their dog-ends in their mouths and their paper hats on their heads –