My head still bowed, I say again, ‘I’m sorry, sir.’
‘Did they tell you his name?’ asks the chief.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘They told me his name.’
‘Did they tell you his address?’
‘No, they did not.’
‘But you still found it out, didn’t you?’ asks the chief. ‘You still went to see Murota, didn’t you?’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘I…’
‘Did you ever stop to think why I said now was not the time to be asking about Murota? Did you, detective?’ the chief asks me –
My head still low, I apologize. I apologize and I apologize –
‘Did you ever stop to think I might have had a reason?’
I apologize and I apologize and again, I apologize –
‘Did you ever think of anyone but yourself in this?’
I apologize and I apologize again, over and over –
‘Do you ever think of anyone but yourself…?’
I say, ‘I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry…’
The chief leans forward now. The chief whispers, ‘You are being watched. You are being followed. Everywhere you go –
‘Did you know that? Did you even suspect that?’
My head still bowed, I say, ‘I had no idea…’
‘The Public Safety Division has been sniffing around again, seeking to draw up fresh lists of the guilty. There are rumours of a second Purge Directive, this time against lower ranking officers…
‘They are trying to match histories to names…
‘And yours is one of the names…’
I curse him and I curse myself…
I want to know what he knows. I curse him! I want to know what he has heard. I curse myself! I want to know how he knows what he knows. I curse him! I want to know who told him what he knows. I curse myself! But I don’t ask anything or say anything –
I just curse him and I curse myself…
Because there’s nothing to say –
No point. No point. No point –
Chiku-taku. Chiku-taku …
No point. No point –
Chiku-taku …
I am out of time –
‘I don’t know if these are just shots in the dark,’ the chief is saying now. ‘Or if they have some actual information, some witnesses or statements but, either way, it is best you get lost…’
‘Best I get lost?’ I repeat. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I want you to go up to Tochigi,’ he says.
‘Tochigi Prefecture? When?’
‘Tomorrow,’ he says –
Now the chief picks up a file and passes it across his desk. ‘Yesterday we actually had a call from the Utsunomiya Chihō Kensatsu-chō, the Utsunomiya District Public Prosecutor’s Office, about two unsolved murders in their jurisdiction that they wanted to pass on to the Kodaira investigation team. One of the murders was your Baba Hiroko and the other was a Numao Shizue, aged sixteen, who was found stabbed on the thirtieth of December last year, in the jurisdiction of the Nikkō police. Baba Hiroko, as you know, was found strangled with her own scarf on the third of January in Nishi Katamura, in the jurisdiction of the Kanuma Police…
‘But Baba Hiroko was actually living here in Kyōbashi Ward so, before you go up to Tochigi tomorrow, I think it would be a good idea to first speak to her family in Tokyo…’
I say, ‘I want to take Nishi…’
‘No,’ says the chief.
‘Am I to go alone?’
‘Chief Inspector Adachi has recommended young Ishida…’
‘Excuse me,’ I say. ‘I don’t think he’s a suitable officer —’
‘This is not a debate,’ says the chief. ‘This is an order.’
I bow my head again. I apologize again, and again –
And then I ask, ‘How long should I stay away?’
‘Only for a couple of days,’ says the chief –
Now I ask, ‘And then what happens?’
The chief clears his throat. The chief stands behind his desk. Now the chief says, ‘Inspector Minami, as of midnight tonight, I am forced to relieve you of your command of Room #2…’
I am on my knees. I am on my knees …
‘There have been complaints about you…’
I am on my knees in his office …
‘Complaints from your own men…’
On my knees, on his floor …
‘Complaints about your lack of leadership,’ says the chief. ‘Your lack of organization. Complaints about your inability to command. Your inability to delegate. Complaints about the continued absence of Detective Fujita and about your own absences…’
On his floor. In his office. On my knees …
‘But you tell me to lead my men and then you send me away and you demote me. Who will lead my men now …? Who will take charge of this case …? Please give me a second chance…’
Begging him, pleading with him …
‘In the continued absence of Detective Fujita, I’m promoting Detective Hattori under the supervision of Chief Inspector Adachi.’
‘And what happens to me when I get back…?’
Pleading for a second chance …
‘Until this situation is clarified, you will be assigned to a local police station upon your return from Tochigi…’
‘And so what about my transfer…?’
Begging for a second chance …
‘There will be no transfer…’
No second chance.
*
There is no route back to Atago today. In the half-light. I walk down the stairs into the bar. They are following me. There are only two other customers at the counter; the same middle-aged woman, now dressed in brown, smelling of local perfume and smoking Golden Bat cigarettes; the same old man in his dark suit, taking out his pocket watch and winding it up and putting it away again, then taking it out and winding it up and putting it away again, then –
Chiku-taku. Chiku-taku. Chiku-taku …
The woman opens her purse. The woman places chocolates on the bar. The woman says, ‘Please help yourself…’
But they taste bitter. They taste of ash –
The bakudan explodes in my belly –
The man shows me the watch –
It still says twelve o’clock –
But in the half-light –
His watch has no hands and we both have no feet.
*
Through the doors of the borrowed police station. I have a shaved head. Up the stairs of the borrowed police station. I have a bandaged hand. To the borrowed second-floor room. I have a pair of bloody knees. Hattori, Takeda, Sanada, Shimoda, Nishi, Kimura and Ishida. I have a broken heart. They are all here and they already know –
I am not the head of the room. I am not their boss …
Now they all look away. They all hide their eyes –
Their eyes full of questions. Eyes full of doubts …
Eyes full of whispers, rumours and complaints …
I have nothing to say to any one of them –
I hate them. I hate them. I hate them all…
I walk over to Takeda’s borrowed desk and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work and for all his help. I walk over to Sanada’s borrowed desk and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work and for all his help. I walk over to Shimoda’s desk and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work, for all his help –
I hate them all. I hate them all…
I stand before Nishi’s desk and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work and for all his help and I wish him luck. I turn to Kimura and I bow and I thank him for all his hard work and for all his help and I wish him luck. Then I bow and I thank Ishida for all his hard work and I wish him luck –