Tokyo Year Zero

I hate hospitals. I hate all hospitals…

But its buildings are in disrepair and its grounds untended now, the gates long taken for the war effort and the trees cut down for winter fuel. Inside the reception, the paint on the walls has faded and the linoleum on the floor is worn, the staff anaesthetized –

But I hate this hospital the most…

‘Former Police Inspector Mori,’ I say again –

But the receptionist still shakes her head –

‘Please check for me,’ I ask her. ‘It is very important and he was only admitted last month. Mori Ichiro…’

The gaunt receptionist in the stained uniform does not speak but turns away and disappears now, disappears into the grubby office behind the grimy counter. I wait and I wait –

Chiku-taku. Chiku-taku. Chiku…

The same sounds of screams and sobs as at Keiō Hospital, the same smells of DDT and disinfectant –

I hate this place. I hate…

‘Here it is,’ says the receptionist now with a file in her hand. ‘Mori Ichiro was admitted on the thirtieth of June this year.’

‘And is Mr. Mori still here?’ I ask her –

The receptionist nods. ‘Yes, he is.’

‘I’d like to see him then, please.’

The receptionist shakes her head now. The receptionist says, ‘But you know I can’t just let you —’

‘Then please tell me the name of Mr. Mori’s doctor,’ I say. ‘And tell me where I can find him.’

The receptionist looks down at the file and says, ‘Dr. Nomura. His office is on the second…’

‘I know,’ I tell her and I start to walk away, to walk away and then to run, to run down the corridor and up the stairs, up the stairs and along another corridor, along another corridor to bang on the door, to bang on the door to the office of Dr. Nomura, to bang on the door and then open it, open it and bow and say, ‘Excuse me…’

Dr. Nomura looks up from the papers on his desk –

‘Inspector?’ he says. ‘It’s been a while…’

‘And I am sorry to call on you unannounced,’ I say again. ‘But I am here on police business this time…’

‘Please sit down, then,’ says the doctor now. ‘And can I offer you a drink of cold tea, detective…?’

I wipe my face and I wipe my neck. I glance at my watch and I shake my head. I say, ‘Thank you but I haven’t much time, doctor.’

The doctor nods. ‘What is it I can do for you, detective?’

‘You have a patient I would like to see,’ I tell the doctor. ‘A former chief inspector of police called Mori. Mori Ichiro…’

The doctor nods again. The doctor says, ‘I know.’

‘Well, I’d very much like to see him,’ I tell the doctor again. ‘It is important I speak with him about an investigation.’

Now the doctor shakes his head. Now the doctor says, ‘I very much doubt that that will be possible, inspector…’

‘Why not?’ I ask him. ‘It’s important.’

‘I understand that,’ says the doctor. ‘But, unfortunately, Mr. Mori has not responded to any of our treatments or our regimens –

‘And so, for the moment, Mr. Mori does not speak…’

‘I would still like to see him,’ I tell the doctor.

The doctor shakes his head. The doctor says, ‘As you know better than most, detective, recovery from the kind of sudden mental collapse which former Chief Inspector Mori suffered on learning he was to be purged, such a sudden mental collapse takes a very, very long time to recover from, if at all, and any further shocks to the brain can cause irreparable damage to the patient…’

I bow. I nod. I say, ‘I know that.’

The blood-flecked scroll…

‘In the case of your father, for example,’ continues the doctor. ‘One sudden moment of lucidity, a moment of clarity, proved fatal.’

I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember…

I nod again. I say again, ‘May I see him but not speak?’

The blood-flecked scroll on the wall…

‘Yes,’ says the doctor. ‘Though I’m not sure why…’

In the half-light, I can’t forget…

‘He was a policeman,’ I tell him. ‘Like my father…’

The blood-flecked scroll on the wall behind his desk…

‘Like my father,’ I say again now. ‘And like me…’

I can’t forget. I can’t forget…

Dr. Nomura nods. Dr Nomura says, ‘Follow me —’ And so I follow Dr. Nomura out of his office, out of his office and down another long corridor, another long corridor through locked metal doors, through locked metal doors into the secure wards, into the secure wards and down more corridors, down more corridors to the secure rooms, the secure rooms and more locked metal doors –

Now Dr. Nomura stops before one locked metal door –

One locked metal door with a bolted metal hatch –

‘Here we are,’ says Nomura. ‘But just look…’

Nomura slides back the bolts on the hatch. Nomura lowers the metal hatch. Now Nomura steps back and says, ‘There you are…’

I step towards the door. I look through the hatchway –

I stare through the hatchway at the man inside –

The man inside, cross-legged on his cot –

I have seen this man before…

This man in a shapeless gown of yellow and dark-blue striped Chinese silk, with his close-shaven head and his unblinking eyes –

Eyes I have met before…

‘Have you seen enough now?’ asks Nomura –

I step away from the hatch now and I nod –

‘I have seen enough,’ I say. ‘Thank you, doctor.’ Nomura closes the hatch.

Nomura bolts it –

No one is who they say they are…

But I have seen this man before –

No one is who they seem…

This man is not former Chief Inspector Mori Ichiro.

*

I have haggled and I have bartered. Just to eat. I have threatened and I have bullied. Just to work. But I itch and I scratch again. Gari-gari. My hand aches and my body stinks. Of defeat. I wipe my face and I wipe my neck. And I curse. I have come to the end of my own street. Ton-ton. I walk down the street to my own house. Ton-ton. I open the gate to my own house. Ton-ton. I go up the path to my own house –

Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton. Ton-ton…

There is a bonfire of bedding in my garden –

There is fire and there is smoke here.

I open the door to my own house –

I have come to say goodbye –

Their shoes face the door…

This time I cannot turn away. This time I cannot run away –

The rotting mats, the shredded doors, the fallen walls…

From the smell of the children. The smell of the pain.

I stand in the genkan. I call out, ‘I’m home…’

My wife comes out of the kitchen, her face is stained with soot, her hands brushing dust from her worn monpe trousers –

‘Welcome home,’ she says –

Home. Home. Home…

I take off my boots. I ask her, ‘Where are the children?’

‘Masaki! Sonoko!’ my wife calls. ‘Father is home!’