I was stuck. This was the way my life was going to be, and there wasn’t much I could do about it, given the circumstances. Resistance only fueled his temper, and I was afraid if I pushed too hard, he’d renege on his side of the bargain. Not that I had much of a guarantee that he wouldn’t revoke his promise anyway.
I didn’t trust Nolan Parker. Not for a second.
Moving closer to me, Nolan’s hand slipped under my clothing, and he caressed my ribs and chest until they came to my breasts. Kneading and squeezing the naked flesh, the look of arousal that flashed across his face caused me to brace myself for what was coming. I’d agreed to marry him, so nothing I said at this point would stop him from forcing himself on me. I gritted my teeth together as he pinched and rolled my nipples—something that he loved doing and which had always turned me on in the past filled me with repulsion now.
With his mouth on my breast, he sucked on a nipple and sighed with satisfaction. “At fucking last, babe. I’ve been waiting for this for days.”
Flinching as his hand drifted lower toward the space between my thighs, I pressed my legs together to ward him off. His hand slipped between my thighs and pushed them apart just enough to gain access to my pussy.
Oh Lord.
His finger pressed against my clit and he rubbed in small circles, causing the blood to rush to the nerve-filled nub. Heat rose to my cheeks as I felt my arousal grow against my will. I hadn’t had sex in a while, yet I hated that my body reacted like that.
Of course it was exactly what Nolan wanted. Three fingers plunged inside me, sudden and harsh, invading my most private parts with brutal force. He moved faster and faster, hurting me as his fingers fucked me relentlessly. There was nothing remotely sexy about the experience. At least, not to me. Nolan’s face had an expression I’d never witnessed before, and it frightened the hell out of me. He was a man on a mission.
If I begged him to stop, it would only spur him on. My whole body tensed as I squirmed and gripped the sheets beneath my fingertips for something to ground me. Something to hold on to.
If only I wasn’t tied down. Fighting him was exhausting and futile.
Nolan pushed my thighs apart and pressed down hard. His face disappeared between my legs, and I gasped as he latched on to my clit. Every bit of arousal I’d felt earlier dissipated as I dissociated my mind and heart from my body.
It was almost like an out-of-body experience; I was simply an observer to what was happening to me. Nolan stopped and lifted his head. Gripping my upper arms, he shook me violently until my teeth clattered.
“Get some life into you, woman. What happened to the lioness?”
“Fuck you,” I spat out, against my better judgment.
“No. I’m going to fuck you.” His teeth gnashed at my ear, his face only inches from mine.
His cock slammed into me, thrusting hard as he drove into me again and again. His body covered mine and held me captive, his weight crushing me.
I hate you.
I pressed my lips together tightly, and my head thrashed from side to side as I tried to avoid the lips searching for mine. As long as he kept busy down there, I could close my eyes and pretend I was in a dream. A nightmare, to be more accurate. But kissing . . . it was so damn intimate. I couldn’t bring myself to allow it.
Fingers closed around my throat, squeezing my windpipe until I could barely breathe. Was this what I’d have to endure for the rest of my life? Terror would become my stalker, my husband my tormentor.
A sharp, piercing pain speared my heart. Didn’t anybody care what had happened to me? Was I just forgotten and tossed aside by my family and my lover? Out of everything, that was the hardest pill to swallow. That they’d leave me to suffer whatever Nolan handed out without batting an eyelid.
I might as well die if this is what my life will become.
I sucked at pretending and faking. Without a doubt, there was no way in hell I’d survive with a crushed spirit. Because that was exactly what Nolan would do to me—kill me from the inside out until I was nothing more than an empty shell.
Harrison, where the fuck are you?
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I gasped for air. My legs and arms went limp, and I just laid there with my eyes squeezed tightly shut, sobbing as Nolan used my body.
I. Hate. You.
Hate. You.
It was one thing Nolan couldn’t take from me. One thing that would grow and expand with every passing day. Hatred swelled in my gut as I endured the torture he forced upon me.
I could breathe again. There would be no sleep for me, no reprieve. I was too afraid and too shocked by what had just happened to ever want to sleep again.
Nolan lay on the bed beside me, his breathing erratic and heavy.
I had no idea how much time passed as I lay dead still, fearful that if I stirred, Nolan would repeat his hellish performance again. I kept my eyes closed and listened. A long time passed before Nolan’s breathing became rhythmic and even. Good. Sooner or later, he had to give in to sleep—he was human after all.
I clung to the two emotions that still made sense—disgust and contempt for the man sleeping as if he had no care in the world surged through me.
Hatred would be my ally. My only friend. My saving grace.
Chapter 33 — Harrison
Life had me by the balls. Savage was right. I’d changed without really thinking about it. I no longer wanted to die or have my life ended in any way. For the first time since that fateful incident, I actually had something to live for. Something to hope for.
The plane touched down for refueling at a military base in Germany, and I had to act fast to get myself out of the situation that was certain to send me to my death.
“Speak to the captain,” Savage said. “Tell him something serious happened at home and you need to get back.”
“And abort the mission? There’s no way in hell they’d agree to that.”
We’d disembarked the aircraft to stretch our legs and get some fresh air. The place smelled of gasoline and grease and my despair. I took a few big gulps of my fizzy drink and belched. Flying always upset my stomach, and now it was worse than ever.
Savage rubbed his chin. “Hmmm . . . you’re probably right. You have a target on your back the size of a bull’s head.”
“Somebody wants me gone. No prizes for guessing who.”
“What makes you think it’s one person?” The concern in Savage’s voice disturbed me. “You know how you love conspiracy theories? Well, I think this is exactly one of those tangled messes, and you and I are slap bang in the fucking middle of it.”
I nearly spat out my drink. Who the hell did Parker have on our tails? Could I trust anyone other than my partner on this mission? And I’d never really thought of the impact my shit had on Savage. As partners we were bound together. And now I’d dragged the only man I could ever really call a friend into this clusterfuck of a situation.
“So you agree it’s not just my imagination?”
Savage screwed up his face. “Somebody wants you dead, buddy, and since I’m always by your side, I guess it’s just become fucking personal. I’m not ready to die just yet—not by a long fucking shot. I have plans to live till a ripe old age and see my grandchildren grow up.”
I chuckled. The situation was anything but funny, but Savage had a weird way of putting things in perspective. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Me too. I wanna live and grow old.” With Eva.
Savage grinned at me, his pearly whites glistening in the semi-dark. He didn’t need to say anything more.
“You have no idea how fucking great it is to hear you say that.” He patted me on the back and for a moment something passed between us. Bonded by a brotherhood, our fates were linked inextricably. Savage had been my partner for so long and if nothing else, I owed him the chance to have a great life.