“Milaya, it’s okay to hurt, to grieve,” Nikoli said softly. “It’s how we deal with loss and move on. If you don’t let yourself grieve for your sister, you’ll never get better.”
“I miss her,” Lily told him, her eyes closed. “Every day. It feels like there is this big hole where she was. We were twins, two halves of the same whole. I always knew what she was thinking, what she was feeling. Now that’s gone. I’m empty inside, Nikoli. So empty. And every damn bit of it is my fault. If only I hadn’t been such a stupid…”
“Lily,” he interrupted her. “Your sister loved you, didn’t she?”
“Yes.”
“Then do you think she’d want you to keep blaming yourself? How would it make her feel knowing you were putting yourself through so much pain, when what happened to her was an accident?”
“No.”
“Then start to forgive yourself. From everything you’ve said, I know your sister would have forgiven you a long time ago. Neither of you had any idea that car was around the corner. Had you known, you’d have done everything to get to her, to save her. She knows that, and I guarantee she wouldn’t hold you responsible for what happened. It was an accident, Milaya, a tragic accident, and not your fault.”
Lily wiped her tears. Laney wouldn’t want her to be in this shape, but it was going to take more than a pep talk from Nikoli to make Lily forget what she’d done to her sister. She was starting to heal, even she realized that. Maybe it was just time, or maybe it was because of Nikoli. Either way, she was getting better. Talking with Rebekha had helped her come to that conclusion.
“Tell you what,” Nikoli said. “Every day, starting tomorrow, I want you to tell me something new about Laney. Tell me about some adventure you two went on, the pranks you pulled, anything you want to tell me about the happy memories you had with Laney. Can you do that?”
She nodded. She could do that.
“What are you doing Saturday?” he asked.
“Studying?”
“Nope.” He shook his head. “We’re going shopping.”
“Shopping?”
“You did tell me you weren’t stepping foot in either of my apartments until I switched the furniture.”
Lily shuddered thinking about all the gross fluids that had to be in his apartment.
“We’re going furniture shopping. Then you are going to help me and Luther move it all in.”
“You’re really going to get brand new furniture?”
“Just think of all the new memories we can make…you bent over the couch, laying on the kitchen table, your legs wrapped around me, tied to my bed while I kiss every inch of your skin.”
Lily felt the blush start to heat her cheeks, and she watched Nikoli’s eyes sweep her face and then follow the blush down to her shirt.
“Take off the shirt for me?” he asked.
“No!”
“I just want to see where the blush starts, Milaya.” His grin turned evil. “I’m in my apartment and you’re in your dorm room. You’re perfectly safe.”
“No,” she said adamantly. “I am not giving you a boob show.”
Nikoli laughed at her outraged tone. He loved getting her riled up, like a virgin who’s never even thought of a naked man before. He loved her outrage. It was refreshing.
“Lily, I’m not asking for Skype sex, I’m just asking for you to take off your shirt. Here, watch me take off mine.” He reached down and pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it to the side. “See how easy that is?”
“I’m still not taking my shirt off.” She laughed, her eyes tracing his tattoos.
“Such a prude,” he said.
“Yup,” she agreed. “No boob show for you, Kincaid.”
“What do you want for breakfast?” he asked, changing the subject. If he teased her much more, he might really go over there, as hard as he was right now.
“Um, I hadn’t thought about it?”
“There’s this new place that opened a few blocks away from the Italian place you love. It’s only open for breakfast. I thought we might go check it out.”
“Sure,” she agreed, “but if they only serve heavy breakfast food, you’re stopping somewhere so I can get a yogurt or something.”
“Yogurt is boring, Lily Bells. Why not try something else, like biscuits and gravy?”
“I’m from the south,” she reminded him. “Biscuits and gravy is a staple where I’m from. If I didn’t eat it growing up, I’m not eating it now.”
“That’s too bad,” he said. “I would have loved to pour the gravy over your belly and lick it clean.”
Her gasp was loud, and he chuckled. He’d shocked her again.
“You think about sex too much,” she said after a minute, her voice just a little breathy.
“You can never think about sex too much,” he countered. “You, my prude, don’t think about it enough.”
“You’re an ass.”
“I’m your ass, though.” He grinned wickedly.
She shook her head. “I’m hanging up now. I really do have to study. I have a test in the morning.”
“Fine, Lily Bells, I’ll let you escape back to your studying, but I’ll swing by at six to pick you up. I have class at eight, so we need to go early.”
“That means I have to get up even earlier to take a shower, dammit.”
“Deal with it. Good night, Milaya.”
“Good night, asshat.” She disconnected the call, and he laughed. God, that girl was something else.
***
“I hate you, Lily.”
Lily grinned at Luther and flipped him off as she carried in the table lamp.
“Man up, Luther,” Janet said. “You’re the only one complaining.”
“Easy for you to say,” he grumbled. “We’re doing all the heavy lifting.”
Mike shot him a warning look. Lily only laughed. She’d love to see Janet go all Terminator on his ass. Luther needed a good kick in the rear anyway. He really had been complaining all day.
“I wouldn’t,” Adam whispered. Lily was close enough to hear him. “If you get her started, she’ll never shut up.”
Luther gave him a horrified look and ran back out the door to see what else needed to come up the three flights of stairs.
Lily had been surprised Adam volunteered to come help them move furniture. When he’d shown up with Mike and Janet, she’d almost told him to leave. Except they needed the help. Nikoli meant it when he said he was getting new furniture.
Goodwill had come by this morning and picked up every piece of furniture they owned, except for what was in Luther’s bedroom. Nikoli had dragged them both to several furniture stores after renting a U-Haul. He’d made Luther follow them in his car so she wouldn’t have to freak out over having to sit between them. She couldn’t handle that, and she knew it. Apparently, so did Nikoli.
Adam and Mike sat down the sectional in front of the TV. The fabric was a soft, dark beige and went well with the pale walls. Lily had picked it out not based on the color, but on sleep worthiness. She’d stretched out on several in the store and rolled around, testing comfort. This one was the softest, but had just a little resistance so you could nap with ease.
Nikoli tossed the red throw pillows at her and shouted, “Drinks in the fridge, guys. Grab a cold one before we go after the next load.”
Janet took a long swig of water and then whispered to Lily, “Why did he buy new furniture?”
“I refused to set foot in the place until his disease-covered filth was gone,” she said, not bothering to lower her voice.
Nikoli just smiled wanly and chugged his beer.
“Why do you think I don’t sit when I go over to Mike and Adam’s frat house?” Lily said, her expression scrunching up in disgust. “Just think about all the bodily fluids in that place.”
“Ewwww.” Janet looked disgusted. “I never thought about that.”