Her eyes popped open and she looked at Nikoli in surprise. The panic was still there, but she could breathe. How had he known to do that?
“Do you remember I told you my dad was in the army?” he asked and continued when she nodded. “He has PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. He used to have panic attacks all the time after he came home from his last assignment. It was right before he sent me and Callum to live with our uncle. My mom used to calm him down with music. I thought it might help you too. Is it helping?”
She nodded. It was helping. Her body was still stiff as a board, but her breathing was almost normal. She felt embarrassed too. She’d thought she was getting better, but all it took to send her scurrying away like a coward was a simple touch from Adam. He’d tried to wrap his arms around her, and that was it. Full blown panic mode kicked in, and she’d run.
“Hey, hey, no crying now, Milaya,” Nikoli soothed when he saw the tears falling from her eyes. She wiped them away, but couldn’t stop the tide.
“I’m sorry.” She hiccupped.
“Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?”
“You’ve been working so hard to help me, and it’s not working. I’m sorry you’re wasting your time.”
“Hey, now, dushka, getting you better isn’t something that is going to be accomplished in a week or two, or even in a month. We can take this as slow as you need to. I’m not upset that you had a bad moment. Boy Wonder shouldn’t have just up and grabbed at you. You weren’t expecting it, and that’s why you got scared. That’s going to happen, Lily, but you are getting better. Don’t doubt that.”
“What does dushka mean?” she asked. She always forgot to look it up.
“Nope, Lily Bells, I’m not telling.”
She shook her head and sat up, reaching for the water bottle. She took a cautious sip. Last time this happened, she’d thrown up. She had no desire to puke all over Nikoli’s new furniture, especially after scolding Luther.
“You are not what I expected,” she murmured after a minute.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you are, but you’re different too.” She thought about how to word what she wanted to say. “You’re brash and you have this fuck off attitude, but you’re also kind and patient. I didn’t expect that from you.”
Nikoli watched the confusion consume Lily’s expression and had to admit he was just as confused as she was. Normally, he did have a fuck off attitude and would go on, but not with Lily. Sure, he wanted her in a bad way, but he also had this inane urge to help her, to give her back everything she’d lost. He couldn’t explain it, but Lily mattered to him. In just two weeks, she’d gone from a fuck bet to someone he cared about.
“Don’t say that out loud.” He laughed to cover his own emotions. “I have a reputation to uphold. Now, what do you want for dinner? I’m starving. I’m going to feed you and then take you home.”
“What about the furniture?”
“Don’t worry about it. Luther and I will get the rest of it up later tonight. Now, what do you want to eat?”
“Cuban?” she asked, her voice hesitant.
“Sure. Joe’s always happy to see you come in. You go on and get cleaned up. I’ll deal with everyone outside, okay?”
She nodded and stood up. He watched her until she closed the bathroom door and then headed out to talk to everyone. Damn Adam. Boy Wonder had to always go and fuck everything up. No more.
They all waited outside, grouped around the U-Haul. He went straight for Adam, but Mike blocked his access.
“Take it easy, man. You do him any damage and Lily might not forgive you. She loves the idiot.”
“I’m not going to hit him,” Nikoli promised. Mike didn’t budge. Smart man.
Adam glared at him from angry and belligerent eyes. The man was so jealous he couldn’t see straight. It was a feeling Nikoli himself was becoming accustomed to. “You fucking go near her again, and you won’t walk away from it.”
“She’s my best friend.” The anger rolled off Adam in waves.
“Then why the fuck would you do that?” Nikoli exploded. “You know how she is.”
“I’ve seen you touch her,” Adam said through clenched teeth. “I thought she was okay, that she was better…”
“She’s not better!” Nikoli interrupted. “She only lets me touch her because she trusts me.”
“And she doesn’t trust me?” Adam shouted.
“Obviously not,” Nikoli yelled over Mike’s shoulder.
“Calm the fuck down!” Luther intervened before Adam could say anything. “It was a mistake. Let’s all just calm down and move on.”
Nikoli snapped his mouth shut, his fist needing to hit something, Boy Wonder’s face his first choice. Luther was right, though. As angry as Lily was with Adam, she did love him. He’d been her best friend since she was a little girl. For that reason, he wouldn’t screw his face up.
“Stay the fuck away from her,” he warned, his voice hard. “She needs to heal, and she can’t do that with you acting like a jealous fool.”
“I’m not jealous of you,” Adam denied hotly.
“You’re acting like a jealous ass, Adam,” Mike piped in.
Adam shot him a glare, but kept his mouth shut.
“I’m taking Lily to eat to try and calm her down,” he said and turned to go back inside. “Mike, keep him the hell away from me and from Lily, or I won’t be held responsible for what happens to him.”
He left them with that and went to check on Lily.
***
Joe’s was packed as always, but he managed to squeeze them into a booth near the back. It was a little more private than some of the tables where they’d been seated when they came here, and Lily was grateful. She wasn’t up to having everyone stare at her. The lighting back here was dimmer, so it was a little harder for people to see her splotched face.
She looked around and settled into the booth. The warmth of the place always relaxed her. The warm tones of the wood and the subtle touches of the Cuban culture gave the place a relaxed, fun feel. Joe’s booming voice as he greeted people made her smile. He’d taken one look at her and leveled a baleful expression at Nikoli, who just shook his head and demanded a table.
“Tell me about Joe,” she said softly, watching him move around the restaurant.
“What about him?”
“How do you know him?”
“I eat here,” he said, his eyes not meeting hers.
She gave him a “duh” look. “Yes, but how do you know him?”
He didn’t want to get into this, at least not tonight. It might scare her. Not that he was hardcore into the lifestyle or anything, but she’d had enough of a scare already. “Does it matter?”
“Yes,” she told him. “I remember the first time we were here, the two of you seemed so…territorial almost. It made me curious.”
“Joe took me under his wing when I first came to Boston,” he said after a minute. Lily was going to keep asking, might as well tell her. “He and I share the same kind of needs in the bedroom.”
“Oh my God, you’re bisexual!” She clapped a hand over her mouth, her expression so shocked it would have been funny if she hadn’t been staring at him, a little horrified.
“No. I. Am. Not!” Nikoli spewed the words.
She just stared at him, eyes wide. “It’s fine if you are, Nikoli.”
“Of course it would be fine,” he said, his voice low. “There’s nothing wrong with it, but I’m not into guys.”
“Hmmm…”
“Look, I’m serious, Lily. If anyone wants to make that life choice, that’s their call. My brother Connor is bisexual, so trust me, I’m fine with anyone who makes that choice. It’s just not one I’d make.”
Wow. Lily hadn’t expected that. Or that he’d be so Zen about it either. “That’s cool your family supports his choice.”
“I didn’t say that,” he said, a wry smile decorating his face. “My brothers and I are close, and while all of us may not agree with his choices, we do support it. My parents and my grandparents? They were all raised Catholic, and if they knew about Conner’s choice of partners, they wouldn’t be so happy.”