Lisa was pleasantly surprised. “I never pictured you as a music fan.”
“I was once.”
She exhaled a cloud of smoke. “You are a riddle. When I spoke about being in a band, about having hit records, big tours… you didn’t seem to be impressed. In fact, you didn’t seem to care.”
“I’m not easily impressed. Things people say they are or have done or want to do, don’t mean shit to me.”
“I wasn’t bragging,” she said, feeling her cheeks redden.
“No, you weren’t. That’s why I knew you were all right.”
“Oh…”
He was smiling again. “What’s it like playing in front of thousands of people?”
“Nerve-wracking as all hell, if you want the truth. When you start, you play in front of the mirror. Then to your friends. Then to other wanna-bees. Soon enough, if you’re worth a damn, you’re in a band learning. Then you play to a dozen people. First time, you want to piss your pants.”
“But it gets easier?”
She pushed back her thick dark hair from her eyes. “Yes. After awhile, two, three dozen is nothing. Then you play to a hundred and it gets bad again. Then a thousand.”
“How many you up to now?”
“Quarter of a million last June. We headlined a gothfest in Ohio. So many people… it’s scary. You see them out there and know they paid good money to see you, that they expect their money’s worth and your knees get weak. Our drummer, Sandy, she kept puking backstage. We had to dope her up the first night.”
Johnny was nodding. “Sex, drugs, and rock and roll, eh? Must be lots of partying. Must be like one big high.”
Lisa was having trouble looking at him now. The conversation was being steered in a direction she wanted no part of. “Sure, but it’s not all fun and games. It’s grueling, believe it or not, that life. On the road all the time, motel after motel, night after night. Goes on for months. Sometimes you’re not even sure where you are. You can’t remember.”
“If it wasn’t for the booze and drugs, it would be hard to get through it,” Johnny said. “Am I right?”
“If you say so.”
He stuck a plug of Red Man chew into his cheek, started working it. “Before I went in the Navy, late sixties we’re talking here, you could get pot, pills, some hash or acid now and then. But none of the real hard stuff. Not in Cut River. In the war, Southeast Asia and all, drugs were everywhere. I saw them destroy a lot of good people. When I got back, it was different. You could get coke if you knew the right people. Even some junk.”
Lisa felt her face pulling tight. She was beginning to feel nauseous, her nose was running. It was time for another fix. “Drugs are everywhere now.” She started to rise, grabbing for her purse. “I gotta use the can—”
But Johnny forced her back down. He had his big hands locked on her knees, his face swam in uncomfortably close. “How long you been using?”
“What?” Lisa said, without much conviction.
“You heard me. You want me to say it loud enough for everyone to hear?” he asked her. “You’re using H and we both know it. How long?”
“A year, maybe.” She couldn’t believe this. The sonofabitch knew and had probably known all along. She really needed a taste now. Goddammit.
He kept nodding his head, mulling it over. “You snorting or spiking?”
“Snorting,” she sighed.
He released her, sat back. “I’ve been around, Lisa. I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen too many friends fucked by that needle. I’m not judging you, understand, I’m just saying I know it when I see it. You ever think of quitting?”
“It’s not that easy.”
“No, it’s not. It’s hell on earth. I’ve seen guys kick it before. I stayed by their side while they did it. It’s ugly, it’s horrible what that garbage does to you. I know, I know.” He folded his hands in his lap. “When this is over, if this ever ends, you wanna get off, I know all the tricks. I can help you.”
She was starting to shiver. “Why would you want to?”
He smiled thinly. “I am a friend to the friendless. You better go take care of business.”
Lisa did, more and more astounded by Johnny Davis all the time.
Over by the window, Ruby Sue and Joe talked in hush voices. They were crowded together on a love seat, their duffel of guns and odds and ends at their feet.
Joe was said, “Half up front, half up front, babe. We’re locked in and you know it. We can’t back out now. These people… you know these people… they won’t understand us backing out. They aren’t gonna give a fuck what our reasons are. They ain’t gonna give a fuck if somebody dropped the bomb.”
“It won’t be easy now,” Ruby Sue said. “We’re lucky we found her at all in this goddamn mess, man, but it won’t be easy. That guy she’s with, that dude’s gonna be real trouble. He looks bad.”
“He is bad. But we’ll do him, too, if we have to.”
“Just bide our time.”
“That’s it,” Joe said. “The time’ll come. Sooner or later. Now why don’t we go cozy up to them a bit?”
When Lisa got back she looked revitalized.
It truly was a miracle what a little snort of heroin could do for a junkie. She left looking haggard, eyes red as beets, face drawn, nose running, trembling like a sick pup… and came back looking young and pretty and ready to take on the world. Her eyes were bright, she was relaxed, in control, all together easy and smooth.
Johnny saw the change. Had seen such transformations before and was not moved to words. Only in his heart, maybe, was he saddened.
“Better?” he said.
“Yes,” Lisa told him and would say no more on the subject. Instead, she said, “My band, Johnny… Electric Witch… we’re riding high now, but we’re all screwed-up. Everything’s a mess.”
“Drugs?”
“Yeah, and then some. We’re at a stage where we can’t afford to screw up. But all four of us, Christ, we’re hanging on by a thread. Sandy, our drummer, she’s shooting all the time. Our singer’s coked up and drunk ninety percent of the time. Our bass player is so strung-out, we can barely get her on stage. And I’m no better. I’ll admit that.”
Johnny sighed, spat tobacco juice into a paper cup he was holding. “You guys, girls, need to dry out. You need intervention. You need somebody to come in and clean house, get you guys into dry-out before it’s too late.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Nothing is,” he said. “Was it easy getting to where you are now?”
She thought about it. “No.”
“There you go. You worked hard to make it and now you’ve got to work hard to stay there. But you won’t do it this way. Like I said, I’ve seen this plenty of times. First off, you have to confront them, admit to your problem, make them admit to theirs.”
She laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah, right. I tried that. They don’t think they have problems and they don’t think I do either.” She lowered her voice. “They’re afraid, Johnny. We were drugged up getting to where we are now. It’s insulation against reality. Everyone’s afraid we wouldn’t be worth a shit without the stuff, you know?”
“You didn’t get your talent out of a baggie,” he reminded her.
“Maybe not.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “I might be the worst person in the world to be giving advice, Lisa. My life is a total waste and I admit that. I’ve done my share of snorting and shooting. The best thing for your band and you is intervention. A third party. Someone who not only cares about the four of you but has a business interest in this. Someone with something to lose if you guys fuck this up. I don’t know, like a manager or an agent or something. Your mouthpiece.”