You would use me just as soon as the Primal gods.
I offer you something in return. I can ease your pain. I can help you.
How? By suppressing my emotions like the Harshini did? That was simply an illusion and it hurt tenfold when they released it. I’ve no wish to experience it again.
I can do better than that, demon child. I can take away the memories that pain you.
Those memories make me who I am.
Then perhaps you should think about who you would rather be.
I won’t be your pawn, Xaphista.
I offer you a partnership, R’shiel, not bondage.
Perhaps, she thought once he was gone. But when it comes to the gods, who can tell the difference?
Chapter 58
Tarja set a gruelling pace as they fled the border. Jenga had promised to stall the Kariens as long as he was able, but even in Tarja’s most optimistic estimate that gave them a start of only a day or two. Adrina kept up and did not complain, despite the fact that her backside felt bruised to the bone and her inner thighs were rubbed raw. They ate cold rations when they stopped each night, and collapsed into their bedrolls under an open sky.
As a child Adrina had been entranced by the bards who sang long, romantic ballads about lovers on the run who spent all day galloping toward freedom and all night making love. What utter nonsense, she thought, dismounting gingerly in the small grove of trees Tarja had chosen for their camp that night. Damin proved to be more human than heroic. He looked tired and haggard and even he walked a bit stiffly, despite a lifetime spent in the saddle. For some reason his discomfort made her feel a little better.
Their numbers had thinned considerably since they left the border. Following Damin’s lead, Tarja had broken his men into much smaller groups and dispatched them south with orders to muster at an abandoned vineyard south of Testra, where he seemed to think they would be safe until he could join them. There were barely a hundred men left, and less than half of those were Damin’s Raiders. The rest were Defenders and the remainder of her Guard. When they crossed the Glass River at Cauthside, they would split up once more. Tarja and his men would head for the Citadel, while Damin continued south for Hythria.
Adrina knew the reason for Tarja’s mission, although he rarely spoke of it.
Something had happened to R’shiel.
Adrina prayed it was nothing serious. Tarja would not rest until he discovered the demon child’s fate. It was a pity she would never meet her. Although she was careful not to broach the subject, R’shiel fascinated Adrina. Damin spoke of her in such glowing terms that she might have been jealous, but for two very good reasons. The first was Tarja. He was so completely besotted with the girl, that if he thought Damin’s motives were anything but honourable, he’d have killed the Warlord long ago. The second was Damin. Jealousy would imply she had some feeling for the man, and of course she didn’t, so there was nothing to be jealous about.
Adrina unsaddled her mount and dumped her gear near the small fire that one of the Defenders had started. Tarja had ordered at least one night with a fire and a hot meal. If he was feeling the strain of the pace he set, then he knew some of the others would be at the point of exhaustion. Adrina had tried not to look too happy when she heard the news, but poor Tam’s expression had been pathetically grateful. The slave wasn’t accustomed to long hours in the saddle, and Adrina looked a picture of health compared to her faithful companion.
“Can I take your horse, my Lady?”
Adrina turned and smiled wearily at Damin’s captain. Almodavar was a fearsome-looking brute, but he was quite the gentleman underneath all that leather and chainmail.
“Thank you, Captain, but it’s every man for himself on this journey. I can take care of my horse. You have other things to do.”
“Aye, your Highness, but I have a few young studs with more energy than sense. I’ll see she’s cared for. You take the chance to rest while you can.”
Adrina was too tired to argue. “Thank you.”
Almodavar led the mare toward the picket line. He had sent someone for Tam’s horse too. She turned to find Tamylan by the fire, warming her hands and swaying on her feet.
“Sit down before you fall down, Tam.”
“I’ll stand, if you don’t mind. In fact if I never sit down again, it will be fine by me.”
By the time darkness fell completely, Adrina was feeling a little better. A hot meal and a warm fire eased her aching muscles. Damin and Tarja did not join them until long after they had eaten. Tam had already fallen asleep and Adrina’s eyes were drooping. The only reason she was still awake was her inability to find a comfortable position.
“Come on, sleepy. Time for some exercise.”
“Don’t be absurd. I can barely keep my eyes open.”
“I know, but trust me. If you stretch your legs now you’ll be much better for it in the morning.”
Damin reached down and grabbed her hand, hauling her to her feet.
“Leave me alone!”
“Stop complaining. You sound like a spoilt princess.”
“I am a spoilt princess,” she retorted.
“Who am I to argue with royalty? Are you coming, Tarja?”
“No. I have to check on the sentries. Enjoy your walk, your Highness.” She couldn’t see his face clearly in the darkness, but she could hear his amusement.
“I’ll bet he doesn’t laugh at R’shiel,” she grumbled as Damin pulled her along beside him. It was bitterly cold and the uneven ground made her muscles cry out in protest.
“Would you laugh at someone who could fry you with a look?”
“How can you possibly be in such a good mood?”
“I’ve still got my head on my shoulders. In this business that’s daily cause for celebration. Take longer strides. The idea is to stretch your legs out, not mince along like you’re at court.”
“I do not mince, thank you.”
“I do beg your pardon, your Highness.”
“Don’t patronise me either.”
“You’re in a right temper tonight. I thought you’d be happy to be free.”
“I’m cold and I’m tired, Damin. I feel like someone’s tied me in a sack and beaten me with a pole for an hour or two. I don’t have the energy to be happy about anything.”
He slowed his pace a little and put his arm around her shoulder. “I’m tired too. And I’m cheerful because I’m a Warlord and nothing is supposed to bother me.”
“I’m not one of your hired hands, you know. You’re not morally obliged to keep my spirits up.”
He laughed softly, but did not answer. They kept walking through the darkness away from the fires, although they stayed within the ring of sentries posted around the camp. Adrina could make out the silhouette of a guard every fifty paces or so, their eyes fixed on the open ground beyond the trees.
It was much warmer with his arm around her and after a time her legs seemed to loosen up a little. The respite was temporary, though. Tomorrow they would resume their killing pace.
“How long till we reach the river?” she asked after a long period of companionable silence.