Save it for what?
My purpose in Schwartz had been to come warn my Family. The warning was a little late, and no one wanted messages from me now anyway. Worse, they had locked me, in a prison of dead stone, so I couldn't even speak to the rock and sink into the soil and, escape.
I could kill myself, of course, but my natural aversion to that was abetted by the fact that I could not bear to be guilty of adding that much pain to the earth. Rock bears enough murders without the scream of the self-murderer's death.
There was a patter of light footsteps outside the door of my cell. The bar lifted, and the door, with difficulty, swung out.
"Lanik," said a voice in the darkness. I knew the voice at once, could not believe that I was hearing it. And then. Saranna was holding me and weeping. "Lanik, they even put out your eyes."
"They're growing back," I answered. "It's so good to be home."
"Oh, Lanik, we've been so afraid for you!"
She spoke to me as if I had never been away, as if nothing had changed. Her hands fit exactly on my back, in places where ancient habit said that hands that size belonged. She held me with a pressure that I had last felt yesterday (had last felt a year ago) and her breath, her skin as her cheek brushed mine, the scent of her, even the wild wisps of hair tickling my nose--
I held tightly to her because for a moment she took away the nightmare of the last few days and months and years, and I was Ensel Mueller's son Lanik, heir to the throne and a happy young min. Damned happy. Damned.
"Why did you come?" I asked.
"You have friends, Lanik. Some of us believe you."
"Then you must be insane. There's nothing believable about my story."
"I have known you long enough to know when you tell the truth. I don't want you drawn and quartered tomorrow. Come with me."
"You don't think you can get me out of this prison, do you?"
"I can with help."
She held my hand and led me through the corridors. She squeezed once when we reached steps going up, twice when the steps went down. We were as soundless as feet can be, and I, for one, didn't breathe. It was easier that way. My eyes were healing well; already they had their round shape; but it would take time for the nerves to heal properly, for vision to be fully restored. It was frightening to be blind and moving, like that dark night crawling along wet slick branches in Nkumai. That night I never knew what lay ahead. Nor did I this night-- but tonight someone held my hand and led the way. Tonight I trusted my life not to my instincts, but to a woman whom I had~ always thought of as being a little flighty. Loyal, of course, and wonderfully exuberant in making love, but not dependable. I was wrong, obviously. We met no one on the way.
We stopped.
"What are we waiting for?"
"Quiet," she said, and I was quiet. After a few minutes I could hear the distant shuffle of footsteps. An old man, I decided from the sound. And then he was close and I felt arms going around me and an iron grip holding me and hot tears on my neck.
"Father," I whispered.
"Lanik, my son, my son," he said, and I wasn't afraid anymore.
"You believe me."
"You're my single hope." Always the old bastard regarded me as his hope, as if he had first claim on my loyalty before even myself. Well, he did.
"Four much smaller hopes tomorrow," answered.
He only held me tighter. "There are times when an honest ruler has to abdicate, and this is that time. They won't cut you up. I knew you'd never betray me, not permanently, anyway."
"Not even temporarily," I said. "But now let's get moving before somebody notices that you're holding court down here."
"We can't go yet," Father said. "We have to wait.
"Why?"
"Changing of the guard at dawn," he said. "We hope they'll be distracted."
"The guard? You're afraid of the guard? Can't you just hide me and command them to let you through?"
Saranna answered. "It's not that simple. Your father doesn't command the guard."
"Well, who the hell does?" I whispered.
"Ruva," said Father.
I raised my voice. "The Turd rules in your palace!"
"Quiet. Yes, she does, she and Dinte. They were plotting it before you left the palace, and once you were gone they made their move. I could have blocked them, I suppose, but I couldn't afford to kill my only heir, as I thought, and so I went along, pretending I didn't notice how my prerogatives were usurped, how my friends' offices became sinecures and the real power seemed to gather in much younger hands."
"My mother tried to warn the court," Saranna said.
"I had to sign her death warrant."
"Why did you sign it?" I asked.
"For the reason I signed yours," said my father. "She escaped and is living in exile in the north. In Brian, I believe. Her agents smuggled out half the fortune. It stopped when Ruva found the leak."
"I see," I said.
"When we heard you were commanding the Nkumai invaders, I was overjoyed. I used my influence, such as I have, to put our stupidest commanders, including Dinte, in the key positions. I opened the doors to the enemy. Thinking, of course, that you were coming to liberate me and the people from that ass I had the misfortune to many and that child your mother claimed was also mine."
"It wasn't me."
"I knew it couldn't be you when we heard how the armies were destroying everything. You're too wise for that. I knew it was a fraud. But then there were so many witnesses." He sighed. "I betrayed my own Family, thinking I was opening the door for my son to save me from my wife and our monstrous little whelp Dinte. Now the enemy ravages from Schmidt to Jones and it's only a matter of time before they cross the river and take this city. They'll surely do it soon. The rains will make the river impassable in a few more weeks." Suddenly he wept again. "I dreamed of your homecoming, Lanik. Dreamed that you'd come in triumph and lead these people into battle. You could have led my army to defeat the Nkumai. They must have known it. That's why they destroyed the people's love for you. Now we can only run."
"Good enough," I said. "Let's start running."
"The changing of the guard," Saranna whispered.
"No," I said. "Dinte and Ruva are surely watching you. They probably left me unguarded just so you'd try this and get yourselves killed. You'd better go back upstairs, both of you, and pretend you had nothing to do with this."
"Not this time," Saranna said.
"We have to leave with you," Father said. "Things are intolerable here. We have a few hundred loyal men that I've already assigned to duty in the north. They're expecting us. They'll rally to us."
"To you, you mean. Not a soul alive would rally to me. But we're not going to wait for the changing of the guard."
"Then we'll be caught. Every gate is watched closely."
I could see the flicker of Saranna's torch now. My vision was returning. "I'll create a diversion. The postern gate."
"It's heavily guarded."
"I know. Take me near there, but keep me out of sight. I can see faintly, and I should have full vision soon, but in the meantune I couldn't defend myself against a gnat. Once I'm there, you two be ready to spring for the water gate. I'll join you there."
"'Blind?"
"I know the way blindfolded. And by then no one will be looking for me.',