“Both of them, I suppose,” I answered. There was nothing he could ask that I wasn’t bound to get from other people, so I found myself almost hoping he’d keep pressing the issue so I could get used to the inquiries. “You cool with that?”
Cody shrugged. “Yeah, I mean it’s your life, right?”
“Yes, it is,” I responded. “But I get that it’s not something everyone can understand.”
“No one but you needs to understand it,” Cody pointed out. He was right, but that didn’t mean people wouldn’t think less of us because we were all together. “Don’t you get jealous?”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean, if you knew they were back at your place fucking around while you’re not there, wouldn’t that piss you off?” Fuck, I really wished he hadn’t put that image in my head.
“No, it wouldn’t,” I answered without hesitation. In fact, since we’d cleared the air so we all knew it wasn’t a matter of all three of us or nothing at all, I almost hoped they were. We all needed to know that we could survive as pairings because come spring, it would be impossible for me to be around all the time. That thought upset me, but only because we were still new enough that I didn’t want to have to kiss them goodbye as I walked out the door for spring training or a long road stretch.
“Then why’d that smile fall off your face?” Cody pointed out. I was saved from having to tell him as I pulled up in front of the intercom to place our order.
The silence held while Cody scarfed down his food. I watched him pack away enough food for a small family, wondering if I’d eaten like that when I was younger. Given the number of times my mother bitched about the grocery bill, I probably did. I’d hate to know how much it would’ve cost them to keep up with my appetite if they hadn’t raised so much of our food on the farm.
“Can I ask you another question?” Cody inquired after he stuffed all of his wrappers into the empty sack.
“Sure. I told you when we met that you can ask me anything,” I reminded him. Back then, I’d simply been hoping he’d realize I wasn’t some hotshot athlete slumming it for the winter, but that I was there because I genuinely wanted to help him. I felt as though we’d grown to a point where I was one of the few people he could rely on and I’d never do anything to jeopardize that.
“Do you worry about the dude who attacked you?” I’d been waiting for someone to ask me this question, but I hadn’t expected it to come from Cody. Then again, he hadn’t been there in the early days and weeks, when asking me anything about the night of the attack or my injuries was bound to get someone yelled at. “I mean, if they haven’t caught him, how do you know he won’t try again? Don’t you think about that when you go out on your own?”
“Every fucking time,” I admitted. I couldn’t lie to Cody because I didn’t want him thinking it wasn’t okay to be worried about what could happen. According to my new therapist, it wasn’t healthy to obsess about it, but thinking about that night was totally normal.
“So how do you do it?” he pressed. I wondered if something had happened to him before he’d come to Pot of Gold. His demeanor had taken a turn, and he looked about the same as I felt most of the time when I was confronted with what had happened to me. “Doesn’t it piss you off, looking over your shoulder all the time, wondering if that fucker is out there somewhere waiting to finish what he started?”
It did. I hated giving some unknown fucktard control over any part of me. I hated that he lived in my head every night, even if the nightmares had lessened to unpleasant dreams thanks to knowing Eric was close by. But that wasn’t something I wanted to tell Cody now. The way he phrased his questions and the conviction in his voice reaffirmed that something had happened to him. I didn’t know what, but there had to be a reason he was so adamant that the center was a blessing, even as he bitched about the lousy food and the lack of privacy. He’d mentioned considering leaving, but he’d never followed through with it. On the off chance I was right, I couldn’t let him know how hard it was for me to act normal every day.
“It’s frustrating,” I admitted. We pulled into the tree lot and I pulled into a parking stall but left the engine running. “But the reality is they might never figure out who did it. That means, whether I like it or not, that asshole is going to be out there every day. The only thing I can hope for is that he’s even more worried about me remembering something if I see him than I am about crossing his path again.”
“I don’t know how you can make it sound so simple,” Cody responded a bit sad.
“It’s not easy at all. But before Bryce and Eric convinced me to talk to someone and quit hiding at home all the time, I almost let that asshole take my life away from me,” I admitted. It was the most frank conversation I’d had, including the time I spent in the therapist’s office. “It’s all about learning how to take back the control. And I’m lucky enough to have two guys in my life who remind me every day that my life is too damn good to let someone else ruin.”
“Lucky bastard,” Cody grumbled as we got out of the car. I smiled because he was right. I was luckier than I deserved to be.
Chapter 23
“You aren’t really going to make him do all of that when he gets home, are you?” Bryce asked shortly after Drew and Cody took off.
I wasn’t, but it was fun to mess with Drew’s mind since he was in better spirits. Before the attack, Drew and I had quickly settled into a place where no one who didn’t know us would believe he was little more than a boarder. I’d looked forward to him coming home because he had quick wit and a sharp tongue and it was always an adventure to see what’d come out of his mouth next. And that had gone away the night I found him in the alley.
“Nah, I figured we’d do that while they’re gone,” I told Bryce. “But admit it, the look on his face was priceless when I fucked with him.”
Bryce pulled me down onto the couch so I was straddling his lap. He cupped my ass, pulling me close enough that our cocks rubbed together. I bent down and allowed him to claim my mouth as he ground into me. Where Drew was content to go with whatever happened, every encounter with Bryce was filled with so much intensity it drove everything to atmospheric levels. “I love it when you show your mean streak.”
As Bryce lifted my shirt over my head and latched his mouth around one of my nipples, I kept waiting for guilt to overcome me about us doing this without Drew. Even though we’d finally talked about it and everyone agreed we didn’t all have to be present, I’d expected it to feel wrong. Instead, it felt very fucking right.
“I want to fuck you.” Bryce ran his hands up my chest, stopping long enough to pinch both of my nipples and twist slightly. It wasn’t my favorite sensation in the world, but Bryce loved doing it, and I knew it was a sign of pleasure to come. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you see stars. And then, when Drew comes home, I’ll tell him his first gift is waiting in the bedroom, and I’m going to watch while you fuck him nice and slow. He’ll beg you to make him come, but you’ll make him wait. I want to see just how evil you can be.”
“Fuck yes,” I agreed. I only hoped it’d be possible for me to make it last, because Drew had this way of clamping down on my dick as I plowed into him that made it nearly impossible to keep from coming.
Bryce pushed me off of him and grabbed my hand, practically dragging me into the bedroom. He shoved me down onto the bed and made quick work of stripping me from the waist down. My cock stood tall and proud away from my body, showing him how much it turned me on to hear him simply talk about what he wanted to do. He slid me back so my head was nearly hanging off the opposite side of the king bed, spread my legs wide and kneeled between them. My dick twitched as he looked down and licked his lips.