“I wish you were right, Margaret, but I fear this crazy road that Ashton and I are on has come to an end. I’m not strong enough for this.”
“I don’t know the history you and Ashton share. I know that it hasn’t been easy for either one of you. You are one of the strongest people I know. You just have to decide how hard you’re willing to fight.”
They both turned toward the door as it swung open and Ashton stood there filling the frame of the door. He was out of breath but looked relieved when his eyes fell on Sophie next to Margaret’s bed.
“Let me explain…please.” Ashton walked up to her, kneeling in front of her.
“Wait.” Sophie placed her hand on his shoulder. She could feel his shoulders tense, unsure of her intentions. “Will you come outside with me?” she asked. He stood and reached for her hand. She let him take it.
“Of course.” He pulled her hand up to kiss it. His contact made the tears sting her eyes because this would be the last time she held his hand. Being close to him made it impossible to think clearly, to know what was best.
“Goodbye, Margaret. I’ll call you later,” Sophie managed. Margaret only offered a gentle nod. Sophie knew it was because Margaret knew where Sophie’s thoughts were.
Sophie led him down the hall to a group of chairs that were away from any commotion, giving them privacy. She sat down and waited for him to take the seat beside her. She looked into his beautiful blue eyes that were full of questions. She would have loved the opportunity to stare into them every day for the rest of her life but it was not meant to be. Sophie leaned over and kissed his lips softly. She pulled away when he reached up to pull her close. “This is my goodbye.”
Ashton grabbed her hand. “Don’t do this.” He was desperate and it tore at her already broken heart. “I didn’t know she was going to kiss me. It didn’t mean anything.”
“You have no idea what high school was like for me. From my first day I was basically shunned by everyone. No one would talk to me because of lies that Lucinda and you spread. It doesn’t matter why you did it. It hurt, every moment of every day was painful for me because no one would even talk to someone that Lucinda and you hated for fear that they would be turned on as well. I thought I could get past it, and what we shared was wonderful…but seeing you and Lucinda together again, not once but twice, made me realize that it still hurts too much. I can’t do this. I don’t want to hurt like that again. We shouldn’t be together, this was a mistake. How could we ever have expected a happy ever after to come from something that was born of so much hatred?”
“No…don’t,” Ashton begged.
“It doesn’t matter why you were with her, Ashton. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t love you.” Sophie couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
“No. Don’t say that,” he pleaded.
“Goodbye, Ashton…just forget about me. We will both be better off.” Sophie pulled her hand from his and walked away. She wasn’t strong enough to stay any longer. She knew the words she spoke were a lie. She now believed in love. Her heart loved him with a desperation that scared her and she needed to break free of the hold before it destroyed her. Walking away from him was the hardest thing she had ever done. She could feel his eyes on her like a weight. She walked past the bus stop and kept going; she didn’t want to stop. She walked until her feet hurt and the sun began to set. She avoided all the people that passed her by. She could tell they watched her, could see her pain written all over her. She didn’t stop until she saw her apartment building cast in the glow of the streetlight. She entered her apartment. Closing the door, she dropped her purse and shoes and headed toward her bed, where she crawled in without a word.
The tears began anew now that she was in the comfort of her bed. The smell of Ashton lingered on her pillows. She sobbed as the empty ache in her chest tightened its hold. She was too late. She hadn’t stopped herself before she hit bottom.
Sophie felt the bed shift as Mel crawled in and wrapped her arm around her. Mel didn’t speak a word; Sophie was grateful because there was no way that she would be able to respond. Sophie let herself drift off into a restless sleep because she had come undone.
The next morning the sun was harsh as its light flooded her apartment, taunting her and trying to lure her from sleep. Sophie pulled the pillow over her head and refused to wake to the world. Mel had risen with the beginning of the day and was trying to be quiet as she shuffled around the apartment and left. Sophie got up and closed all the windows, pulling the curtains tight to block out the sunshine before climbing back in bed.
Sophie slipped in and out of sleep as she tossed and turned under her covers, hiding from the world. The idea of getting up and facing the fact she needed to put herself back together was too much. She waited for the pain to fade but it held on so tight it made it hard to breathe.
Sophie wasn’t sure what time it was when Mel came back into her apartment. Sophie didn’t bother to open her eyes. “Your mom called me. She left a couple of messages this morning and got worried when you didn’t return them.” Mel’s voice was thick with concern.
“Please tell me you didn’t say anything.” Sophie’s voice was dry from thirst.
“I couldn’t help it. She has this way of getting information out. She’s sneaky, but all I said was that you weren’t feeling good. You should call her. She’ll drive out here if you don’t confirm you’re still alive. I think I still freak your mother out a bit.” Mel reached up and pulled the blanket down, brushing Sophie’s hair from her face. Sophie could see the worry creasing Mel’s features. “I’m only giving you this one day to mope. That’s all you get but you still have to call your mother and let her know I didn’t kill you and cut you up into tiny pieces.”
“Okay,” Sophie whispered. Mel grabbed her phone and passed it to her before she went to retrieve a glass of water to sit on Sophie’s nightstand.
“Drink this,” she demanded.
Sophie looked at her phone and noticed her mother’s missed calls, not to mention a call from Margaret and many from Ashton. He had left many text messages as well. A message from Ashton used to excite her but now they only made her sad. She was surprised how late the hour was as the day was already fading into night.
Ashton: I’m sorry.
Ashton: I need to talk to you.
Ashton: Call me please.
Ashton: You don’t need to love me. I just want to be with you.
Sophie couldn’t read anymore. She erased all of the messages from Ashton before she called her mother.
“Mom?”
“Honey, I was worried about you. Mel told me you weren’t feeling well.”
“I’m okay. Mel is taking care of me. Are you still coming this week to try on your dress?” Sophie didn’t want to broach the topic of why she wasn’t feeling well because she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together.
“I was hoping to come tomorrow. Does that work for you?” Her mother had a cautious tone, like she was trying to read between the lines.
“Perfect.” Sophie forced some enthusiasm into her voice. She wasn’t sure if her mother believed her or not.
“Okay…how are you feeling now?”
“Better. I should be as good as new tomorrow.”
“Good, and I want you to tell me all you have been up to. Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Tomorrow then. Love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.” When Sophie pressed end and let the forced pleasantry for her mother’s benefit melt away, she was left with her overwhelming sadness.
Mel was good and let Sophie stay in her bed for the rest of the evening but the morning came entirely too fast and she still did not feel ready.