That sobers him and I watch the ire drain from his features. “Does he know this? Your husband?”
I nod. “We tried afterwards. I thought he was catching on, opening up to the idea. And then he stopped. Jumped away from me like I was a leper. Like I was disgusting and deviant. It hurts to be rejected by the man you love. Especially when another man is willing to not only accept you, but also give you what you need. And not because you need it, but because he wants it too.”
I move in closer. Closer than we’ve ever been. Not seductively, but in an act of vulnerability. I’m giving him his chance to reject me. Letting him push me away and make me feel dirty too. “Justice, I’m scared. I’m terrified because I want him so badly it physically aches. And I can’t think of anything else but him, and how it felt to be understood. I know that’s wrong, and vile. But fuck, I can’t help it. I can’t stop feeling this way. And it’s only a matter of time before the desires of my body override the intentions of my heart.”
He looks at me for a long time, either silently judging or thoughtfully comprehending, when the front door opens, causing us to jump apart. Luckily, Ally is joyfully oblivious, flitting in from outside as if she were just dancing on the sun. Fire-streaked red hair is toppled on her head in a messy knot, and she’s dressed in purple running shorts, a yellow tank, and candy-colored running shoes.
“Heidi! You’re here!” she trills, her smile so infectious that I nearly forget the seriousness of the moment before. I can see why Justice keeps her around. The girl is like his own personal sunbeam. He lives in dark and stormy—thrives there. But one can only go so long in the absence of light before they fall ill in their own coldness and despair. Ally is his warmth. She is his sun and moon and stars. She’s what brought him back to life.
“That I am,” I reply, with a nod of my head. She comes to hug me then remembers herself. I’m not a hugger. Ever.
“You came at the right time too. You’ll never guess who’s here! I didn’t even know he was a client!” She looks to Justice and punches his massive bicep with her teeny, tiny, cutesy fist. “Did you do this to surprise me? Because you know what a crazy fan I am?”
Justice and I look at each other, our brows raised in confusion. “What are you talking about, angel?” he asks, pulling her into his arms. That took some time to get used to—their PDA. I envied the way Justice had allowed himself to change for her. Well, not even change, actually. Evolve. Ally had evoked the evolution of his heart.
She kisses his lips before turning around to face me, her eyes so bright, they blind me. “Ransom Reed! You know, from the band, Ransom? Oh em squeee! I was on the treadmill, workin’ on my fitness, zoned out, blasting their last album on my iPod, and in he walks. Just strolls in like it’s no big deal that he’s a freaking rock god in our gym. And he was shirtless!”
Justice clears his throat, which causes her to turn around and beam at him lovingly. “Oh, baby, he has nothing on you, of course. But, Heidi,” she says, turning back to me, “Holy abs, Batman. You’ve got to see it to believe it.”
“Oh, I’m sure Heidi believes it,” Justice murmurs, rolling his eyes.
“Huh?” Of course, Ally doesn’t miss his comment. The girl is bubbly and quirky, yes. But she’s no dummy. She’s seen what goes down within this compound. Hell, she’s been an active participant.
“He’s my client,” I explain, hoping to avoid any further speculation. “I brought him here to get away for a little while. And my husband . . . I brought my husband too.”
“Oh.” That one word is all I need to know that she doesn’t buy it. But she’s polite enough not to pry. “Well, you guys have got to come by and hang while you’re here. It’s not every day that we get to see Mr. Heidi in the flesh. Maybe a couple’s game night? I’ll make margaritas!”
“No,” Justice and I say in unison. When her expression falls, we both try to explain, rambling on top of each other.
“She’s here on business, and probably wants to spend her free time with Tucker.”
“I don’t want to intrude. Plus, I’ve got a ton of work to do.”
“Fine, fine,” Ally sighs, waving us off. She shimmies out of Justice’s arms and begins to make her way toward the back rooms. “You guys can save your excuses. Business before bullshit, I get it. I’ll be in the shower so you can go back to plotting your quest for world domination.”
After she disappears from sight and we hear the telltale signs of running water, Justice looks at me with an expression so stern that I feel chastised. “You won’t get her involved in this mess. If something happens, and this gets out, you will not mention her. Understand?”
“I understand.” I nod.
“She likes you, Heidi. She cares for you. And knowing what you’re doing—after all she’s been through—would hurt her. You won’t hurt her. Got it?”
“I do.”
“Ok.” He scrubs a hand over his face and takes a deep breath. “If you’re going to do this, you’re going to do it the right way. No sneaking behind Tucker’s back. I can . . . help you two devise a way to make this a safe and healthy situation for the both of you. But I need total and complete honesty. Understand? And he needs to be on board to trying whatever it takes. If he still can’t give you what you need, we can look at other options . . . including Ransom. But you have to try to make it work with your husband first, Heidi. Ok? Another dick will not solve your marital problems.”
“I know.” I nod. “I get it. And, yes, I will do whatever it takes. Whatever you want us to do. But I need to know . . . what’s the catch? I mean, I’d like to think we’re friends in some sick, twisted way when we’re not at each other’s throats, but why would you be willing to help me? What’s in it for you?”
He looks toward the bathroom, where water can still be heard pelting the glass door. The mangled sounds of Ally’s shower singing echoes against the tile.
“Because, like I said, she likes you. And you did something for me that could not have been easy. So consider this payback.”
Ah, yes. That I did.
A few months ago, shortly after Justice returned to Oasis, he needed a little favor. Evan, Ally’s ex and Justice’s half-brother, was on a smear campaign to ruin her reputation and expose personal information about Justice’s mother. We knew his hands were dirty, but no one knew just how dirty they were. So I made a few calls, and some people took a few pictures of Evan in a few compromising situations. I mean, no one made him pop the molly or snort the coke. We just ensured that when he did it, there was photographic evidence. And we may have brought a couple friends that posed in those photos once he passed out. And those friends may have been transvestite prostitutes.
Ally never found out and, of course, those photos never saw the light of day. Once his eyes fell on the contents of the manila file folder that happened to show up on his desk at work, Evan shut the fuck up. He also accelerated his descent down the rabbit hole, and he hasn’t been able to climb out since.
Part of me should feel bad for contributing to his self-destruction, but I don’t. Evan Carr was, and is, a piece of shit. And it’s only appropriate that shit be properly disposed of.
I don’t know why I say it, but I thank Justice. What he’s offering is so unconventional that if someone were to overhear our conversation, they’d think we were both certifiable. But right now, I feel like he’s thrown me a lifeline. He’s willing to save my life.
We say goodbye before Ally comes back out to the living room. If she saw I was still there, she’d lay on the guilt and beg us to come over for dinner or something as equally uncomfortable. Before I can get fully out the door, Justice stops me, his eyes darting around the vicinity to check for eavesdroppers.