Game? I couldn't believe this. Here I was, risking my neck for him, and he was mad at me for stealing a stupid portrait of him? "There's no game, Jesse, okay? If this were just a game - if Maria really did send me - how would I know the stuff I know? How would I know that Maria and Diego are secretly in love? How would I know that your girlfriend - who is quite the skank, by the way - doesn't want to marry you at all? And that her dad doesn't approve of Diego and thinks if she marries you she'll forget about him eventually? How do I know that the two of them have cooked up a scheme to kill you tonight and hide your body so it looks as though you skipped out on the engagement - "
"Nombre de dios." Jesse was on his feet and swearing. I couldn't help noticing how the loft shook a little under his footsteps. This was not something that would have happened with Ghost Jesse, and was just more proof of how very far I'd come from the world I knew.
But that wasn't the only thing that wouldn't have happened with Ghost Jesse. I realized this a second later when Alive Jesse bent down and siezed me by my arms, and gave me a frustrated shake.
"You know all this because Maria told you!" he said, from between gritted teeth. "Admit it! She told you!" As quickly as he'd snatched me up, he let go and turned away. Uttering a groan of pent-up annoyance, Jesse dragged a hand through his hair.
My arms, where he'd touched me, tingled.
"Look, I'm sorry," I said, meaning it. I knew how he felt, after all. His wasn't the only heart in that barn that was breaking. "I mean, about your girlfriend wanting to kill you and all. Even if you were going to, you know, break up and all. But if it's any consolation, I do think you're a lot better off without her. I mean, the only times I ever met her, she was trying to kill me, too, but still. Better you find out she's a skank now, you know, and break it off cleanly, than find out after you're married. Because I don't even know if they let people get divorced in, you know, your time."
"Stop saying that!" Both of Jesse's hands went to grasp his hair now.
"What? Skank?" Maybe I was being a little harsh. "Well, okay. But the girl seems like major bad news."
"No." Jesse turned around to stare down at me, and I was surprised at the intensity with which his gaze burned into mine. "Your time. The future. You . . . you . . . I'm sorry, Miss Susannah. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to get the sheriff after all. Because you are very clearly not right in the head."
"Miss Susannah!" To my utter horror, tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. But I couldn't help it. It was just so . . . so . . .
Unfair.
"So it's Miss Susannah, is it?" I asked him, ignoring my tears. "Oh, that's just great. I come all the way back here, risking major brain cell burnout, and you don't even believe me? I'm basically guaranteeing myself a lifetime of heartbreak, and all you have to say is that you think I'm not right in the head? Thanks a lot, Jesse. No, really. That's just fine."
I broke off with a sob. Suddenly, it was all too much. I couldn't even look at him, because every time I did, he dazzled my eyes, like he was the most glorious Christmas tree that had ever existed. I buried my face in my hands and wept.
Maybe I had done enough, I told myself. Maybe tipping him off about Maria and Diego's plan would make him turn around tonight and go home. Even though the tip had come from what he obviously considered an unreliable source. I couldn't do anything more, could I? I mean, how else could I get him to believe me?
Then I remembered.
I dropped my hands from my face and looked up at him, not caring if he saw my tears.
"Doctor," I said.
"Yes." Jesse had fished a handkerchief from somewhere and handed it to me, his anger apparently dissipated. "Let me get one for you. I really feel that, despite what you say, Miss Susannah, you are unwell - "
"No." I pushed the handkerchief away impatiently. "Not for me. You."
A small smile appeared at the corners of his lips. "I need a doctor? I assure you, Miss Susannah, I have never felt fitter in my life."
"No." I stumbled to my feet. It was the first time I'd tried to stand since he'd untied me, and I wasn't exactly steady.
Still, I managed to get up without his help. Now I stood in front of him, breathing hard - but from emotion not exertion.
"A doctor," I said, looking up into his confident, concerned face. He was a good six inches taller than me, but I didn't care. I kept my chin up.
"You secretly want to be a doctor," I said. "You haven't asked him, but you know your father won't let you. He needs you to run the ranch, because you're the only boy. They couldn't spare you long enough for you to get through medical school, anyway."
Something happened to Jesse's face then. The glint of suspicion that I'd seen in his eye since I'd shown him the miniature portrait dropped away, and in its place came something else. . . .
Something like wonder.
"How . . . ?" Jesse stared down at me in utter incredulity. "How could you possibly have . . . ? I have never told anyone that."
I reached out and took one of his hands . . .
. . . and was shocked by how warm it felt in mine. All those times Jesse had held me . . . all those times he'd stroked my hair and I'd marveled at his heat . . . I knew now it hadn't been real, that heat. It had all been in my head. This, this heat was real. This hand was real. The hard calluses I knew so well . . . they were real. Really Jesse.
"You told me," I said to him. "You told me in the future."
Jesse shook his head, but not hard. Just a little.
"That . . . that's not possible," he said.
"Yes," I said. "Yes, it is. You see, what happens tonight is that Diego kills you. But only your body dies, Jesse. Your soul doesn't go anywhere, because . . . well, because I think it wasn't supposed to happen like that." I gazed up at him tenderly, still holding his hand. "I think you were supposed to live. But you didn't. So your soul hung around until I came along, about a hundred and fifty years later. I'm someone who helps . . . well, people who've died. You told me you wanted to be a doctor, Jesse. You told me in the future. Do you believe me now? Will you please go away from here and never come back?"
Jesse looked down at our entwined fingers, mine so pale against his sun-darkened skin, so soft against his calluses. He didn't say anything. What could he have said, really?
But because he was Jesse, he thought of something to say . . . the exact right thing to say.
"If you know something like that about me," he said softly, "about my wanting to be a doctor - something I have never told Maria - or any living person - then I must . . . I suppose I must . . . believe you."
"So," I said. "Now you know. You've got to get out of here, Jesse. Just get on your horse and ride."
"I will," he said.
We were standing so close, all he'd have had to do was reach out, and he could have cupped my face in his hand.
He didn't, of course.
But I could feel the warmth radiating from him, not just from the hand I held, but along the course of his entire body. He was so vibrant, so alive, that he made me feel aware of every hair on my head, every corpuscle in my skin. I loved him so much . . .
. . . and he'd never, ever know it.
But that was all right. Because at least he'd be able to go on living.
"But not," Jesse said, suddenly dropping my hand and turning away, "tonight."
I stood there, feeling as if I'd been kicked. Cool air rushed into all the places that, moments before, had been warmed by his body heat.
"W-what?" I stammered stupidly. "Not what?"
"Not tonight," Jesse said with a nod toward the barn doors, through which, I could see, the lengthening shadows were gone. The sun had set. There were no shadows anymore. "Tomorrow I will ride to the de Silvas' ranch to speak with Maria and her father. But not tonight. It's growing late. Too late to travel. I'll stay here tonight, and leave in the morning."